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Post by ultrajko on Jun 21, 2018 11:26:47 GMT -5
She shut down sex, without any discussion, two years ago and I am an extremely active and healthy 70 year old who isn't ready to give up intimacy. Without any sex at all, and it was very limited before the complete stop, and a hysterectomy 20 years ago; she has basically dried up and claims it is too painful. I have researched and provided her with material from health sites on moisturizers and lubricants (although I would be content with "outercourse" which is also not acceptable to her) but it is never read. [She is among the fortunate few who already know everything!] The latest excuse is that vaginal estrogen inserts will cause cancer so I am being selfish and wanting her to contract that dread disease and her doctor (also female) supports it by saying she should not use estrogen inserts even though all the research says it does not increase cancer risk. Now what the *!@^# do I do?
There are almost no places to find a FWB at my age and the dating sites are simply a scam to suck up money even if I was willing to take the risk of putting myself out there in cyber space with all the security issues flying around. She saw her doctor today on an unrelated issue and I jokingly asked her to inquire about solutions for the vaginal atrophy (I did not use that term to avoid an upset) problem and got the "you want me to get cancer" response. I doubt she has been completely honest with her doctor about the total lack of sex and I have resisted mailing the doctor information about the National Womens Health Study published in BreastCancer.org.
My pit bull is my only source of affection and whoever labeled this part of life "golden" had not attained the age! Sorry for the rant but this is about to reach a breaking point which will be economically and emotionally disastrous. I hate confrontation but have tried several times to initiate "the talk" to no avail. I am absolutely out of ideas.........anything I am missing?
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Post by flashjohn on Jun 21, 2018 11:32:50 GMT -5
My friend, she does NOT love you! IF she did, she would either finding a way to satisfy you, or helping you find a friend to fuck.
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Post by GeekGoddess on Jun 21, 2018 11:41:52 GMT -5
Her mouth didn’t dry up too, did it? Has she lost the use of her hands? She’s being selfish and uncaring. I’m sorry you qualify for the group, but glad you found us & grateful you’ve shared.
There is no way to change another person. I don’t know how to accept without resentment and stay.
You could volunteer hours at a nursing home or senior center to meet potential FWB candidates? I hear they are the current hotbeds of STD transmission (so please use condoms). But in all seriousness, no, I don’t think you are missing information which could change anything.
Read up on the forum. It’s a treasure trove. I hope knowing you aren’t alone at least helps a little. Welcome.
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Post by northstarmom on Jun 21, 2018 11:54:18 GMT -5
She is selfish and is looking for any excuse not to be sexually involved with you. Otherwise, she'd be bringing you to orgasm manually or orally.
It's not possible to explain, beg or entice someone into loving you the way you want. If you want to have a vibrant sex life, you'll need to outsource or divorce.
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Post by baza on Jun 21, 2018 18:53:10 GMT -5
The case a refuser may put up to justify avoiding sex with you is done with one prime outcome in mind - to avoid sex with you. And, based on the story you put up Brother ultrajko , she gets the outcome she desires - to avoid sex with you. It does not matter a rats arse whether her justification is a well thought out factually based, credible, honest and reasoned position, or whether it is complete bullshit.....she gets her desired outcome, of avoiding sex with you. Any avoidant reason/excuse is pretty much as good as another, as long as it produces the desired outcome, of avoiding sex with you. So I'd suggest that you may as well just accept that she does not want sex with you. "Why" she doesn't want sex with you doesn't particularly matter. Whether you know "why" or you don't makes no material difference to the facts on the ground. She doesn't want sex with you.......which makes the next move yours.
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Post by bballgirl on Jun 21, 2018 19:48:27 GMT -5
She's selfish. Next time you go to the dentist bring it up and since her gynecologist is siding with her see if the dentist has a different point of view. Uggh!
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Post by greatcoastal on Jun 21, 2018 20:56:16 GMT -5
Or, go to a certified CPA and get them to clarify that by sharing half of (or more) of your paycheck, that you have already had years of your life taken from you, due to stress and financial strain, and in order to prevent this from continuing, you will be in 100% control of all the finances, and not a penny will go to her. All in the name of good health. Geesh!!
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Post by saarinista on Jun 22, 2018 4:52:03 GMT -5
ultrajko I've said it before I'll say it again--she's being selfish and not a good wife! You should have no trouble finding a partner. At your age, willing men are in short supply. You should have tons of female hangers on if you get out there a bit. don't be too worried about online "risks" There are "dangers" everywhere, yet most of us are still alive and kicking, unlike your wife's libido! Life is meant to be lived. Please go talk with a lawyer/CPA to see how a divorce would go for you.
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Post by elkclan2 on Jun 22, 2018 7:04:51 GMT -5
It's not ok to unilaterally end intimacy in a marriage. If vaginal discomfort is a real issue for your wife and you are willing to do 'other things' then the withdrawal of intimacy is on her and is indeed selfish.
However, it's also not ok to badger someone to take a non-medically necessary supplement against their will. Those estrogen supplements have a wide range of side effects, including dementia and 'lesser side effects' include migraines and even the drug website warns about cancer risks. If you are not a medical doctor it's not your place to be dismissive of side effects on someone else's body.
There are valid reasons not to take pharmaceutical hormones.
I do not know if her medical issues are real or not. I do not know if you are a sufficiently generous lover to work around those issues. What I do know is that it doesn't sound like she wants to have sexual relations with you of any sort and your choices are the same as everyone's: leave, cheat or deal.
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Post by ironhamster on Jun 22, 2018 22:54:20 GMT -5
If her medical conditions were real she would be actively seeking out solutions, just like you are.
What are her thoughts on allowing you to outsource? Suppose you found a woman or two or three whose husbands refused to function. Would your wife step up her game, would she be relieved she did not have to have sex any more, or would she be a jealous bitch and unilaterally demand you live in misery?
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Post by tirefire on Jun 23, 2018 22:42:31 GMT -5
I have to agree with GeekGoddess. Assuming her mouth is still functional, you could be a very satisfied man. And I'm sure you'd take care of her in return.
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Post by northstarmom on Jun 23, 2018 23:23:06 GMT -5
There are plenty of willing women for senior citizen men because the male:female ratio becomes increasingly in men's favor as people age. In fact STDs are rising for older adults. "According to the Center for Disease Control, among our senior citizen population sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) are spreading like wildfire. Since 2007, incidence of syphilis among seniors is up by 52 percent, with chlamydia up 32 percent. And this isn’t merely a phenomenon in the United States, as several recent British studies have produced similar results. So apparently the hippy generation has decided to dust off its slightly musty mantra: If it feels good, do it." www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/love-and-sex-in-the-digital-age/201403/baby-boomers-gone-wild-seniors-and-stds"Older women (65+) outnumber older men, by a ratio of about 5:4. The ratio of single older women to single older men is worse, about 5:2. Competition can be tough for older women looking for male companions." www.after55.com/blog/where-single-seniors-can-meet-opposite-sex/
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