You Get What You Think You Deserve
Jun 18, 2018 15:39:08 GMT -5
GeekGoddess, jim44444, and 2 more like this
Post by northstarmom on Jun 18, 2018 15:39:08 GMT -5
Every Christmas, New Years, Valentines Day, Mothers Day, Fathers Day; when people here have birthdays, the posts happen: complaints about how the day was a disappointment. Typically, the refused go above and beyond for their refusers on holidays and other special days, and the refused get -- next to nothing. Of course, they don't get an enthusiastic, mutually pleasurable fuck. They are, after all, in a sexless marriage so it's unrealistic to expect that their spouse will become a root rat on special days. However, the refused typically get nothing -- including from their kids -- that recognizes their own specialness.
Typically, the refused response is to grit their teeth, feel disappointed, hurt and resentful and post on here. They plod through the day and hope that maybe if they do even more for their family, the next special day that comes around will result in some appreciation for themselves.
Time to wake up: It is OK, even advisable, to ask for what you want on those special days. That's not selfishness. That's showing your loved ones how to express their appreciation and love for you. If your loved ones care about you, they will be happy to make you happy. And if you tell them what you would like and they don't bother, then that tells you that if you want those special days to sparkle, you will need to ally yourself with people who care about you. Or you will need to do things under your control that allow you to feel loved and appreciated.
This could mean celebrating your birthday with close friends or on a solo trip to a place that makes you happy. It could mean splurging on some kind of gift or experience for yourself that brings happiness. It means taking deliberate actions to not rely on people who refuse to put time, effort or thought in doing things that please you.
If you have kids, part of your job is to teach your kids how to treat loved ones with love and respect. "Loved ones" includes you. Many of the refused lack partners who will expend the thought and effort to involve their kids in doing things to make their parent's birthday, Mother's Day, Christmas or other significant day happy and special. The kids won't think to do it on their own. Some refused put lots of time and effort into helping their kids celebrate the refusers' special days. That's generous, but if your spouse doesn't do that for you, and you don't do that for you, what you're teaching your kids is that celebrating special days is for the kids and their other parent, but you don't matter. They may become adults who ignore you but expect you to give them whatever they want even after you retire and become infirm. They may become spouses who do everything for their spouse and kids, and expect nothing -- and get nothing -- for themselves.
What -- within reason (great, mutually enjoyable sex is not within reason for most who land here) is what would make you happy for your next special day? You can start now to express your wishes. And, if there's no interest express by your spouse or kids, you can begin putting in place plans that will allow you to have a happy special day doing things that you enjoy -- even if that means you do those things without your family.
Typically, the refused response is to grit their teeth, feel disappointed, hurt and resentful and post on here. They plod through the day and hope that maybe if they do even more for their family, the next special day that comes around will result in some appreciation for themselves.
Time to wake up: It is OK, even advisable, to ask for what you want on those special days. That's not selfishness. That's showing your loved ones how to express their appreciation and love for you. If your loved ones care about you, they will be happy to make you happy. And if you tell them what you would like and they don't bother, then that tells you that if you want those special days to sparkle, you will need to ally yourself with people who care about you. Or you will need to do things under your control that allow you to feel loved and appreciated.
This could mean celebrating your birthday with close friends or on a solo trip to a place that makes you happy. It could mean splurging on some kind of gift or experience for yourself that brings happiness. It means taking deliberate actions to not rely on people who refuse to put time, effort or thought in doing things that please you.
If you have kids, part of your job is to teach your kids how to treat loved ones with love and respect. "Loved ones" includes you. Many of the refused lack partners who will expend the thought and effort to involve their kids in doing things to make their parent's birthday, Mother's Day, Christmas or other significant day happy and special. The kids won't think to do it on their own. Some refused put lots of time and effort into helping their kids celebrate the refusers' special days. That's generous, but if your spouse doesn't do that for you, and you don't do that for you, what you're teaching your kids is that celebrating special days is for the kids and their other parent, but you don't matter. They may become adults who ignore you but expect you to give them whatever they want even after you retire and become infirm. They may become spouses who do everything for their spouse and kids, and expect nothing -- and get nothing -- for themselves.
What -- within reason (great, mutually enjoyable sex is not within reason for most who land here) is what would make you happy for your next special day? You can start now to express your wishes. And, if there's no interest express by your spouse or kids, you can begin putting in place plans that will allow you to have a happy special day doing things that you enjoy -- even if that means you do those things without your family.