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Post by baza on Jun 12, 2018 0:47:39 GMT -5
It might be smart to read Brother @shynjdude 's post titled "Guide To Outsourcing (relatively) safely" to put this post in context.
I saw a piece on the nine.com.au site today by a private detective who is from time to time hired by people to see if their spouse is cheating and the things he looks for that might confirm or deny the suspicion.
There is nothing "new" he has to say about the tell-tale signs (all the things in the above shynjdude story actually) but what was interesting was that just about 100% of the time, the suspicous spouse's intuition that *something* is wrong is correct. If the suspicious spouse is suspicious enough to get to hiring a private investigator, it is highly likely that there is *something* going on.
BUT......only about half the time is it cheating that's the problem !!! He claims that his investigations just as often turn up a gambling or drug or alcohol or illegal activity problem as being in play.
Anyway, probably not all that relevant to ILIASM situations, but interesting.
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Post by hopingforachange on Jun 12, 2018 6:17:21 GMT -5
They are all just different ways to escape your personal hell.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 12, 2018 6:28:51 GMT -5
Nice to know I wrote a guide on how to do illegal activities! Sheesh.
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Post by bballgirl on Jun 12, 2018 7:19:22 GMT -5
If you outsource, get caught and are confronted be prepared with an answer. It's a choice that one makes and their are consequences that come with that choice the same way that there are consequences for a spouse that doesn't have sex with their husband or wife.
So be prepared with an answer and it can be as simple as:
Where's your proof?
Or What do you expect? Sex is a biological need?
Maybe I'm more logical than moral but I feel like if someone's needs are not being met than they are entitled to get them met, just prepare yourself for the consequences.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 12, 2018 7:28:45 GMT -5
And that's part of my point, bballgirl. I'm not so ashamed of the outsourcing as I was worried about hurting my wife if she found out. I know it would devastate her and I have no intention of doing that. But I couldn't live the way I was, either.
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Post by bballgirl on Jun 12, 2018 7:36:42 GMT -5
And that's part of my point, bballgirl. I'm not so ashamed of the outsourcing as I was worried about hurting my wife if she found out. I know it would devastate her and I have no intention of doing that. But I couldn't live the way I was, either. I agree and there are consequences for your wife's choices.
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Post by choosinghappy on Jun 12, 2018 20:57:39 GMT -5
So be prepared with an answer and it can be as simple as: Where's your proof? Or What do you expect? Sex is a biological need? "What did you expect?" is pretty much my planned answer if he were to ever find out. I would feel badly for hurting him but honestly... what did he expect??!!
You can't have sex with your wife once in 4 years, talk about how hard it is for her and how unhappy she is, then do nothing about it and expect her not to get her needs met somewhere else. Sorry. Once I realized that's how I felt and that I would be okay saying that to him if the rubber hits the road, I knew I would be okay emotionally and morally with outsourcing.
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Post by bballgirl on Jun 12, 2018 21:02:41 GMT -5
So be prepared with an answer and it can be as simple as: Where's your proof? Or What do you expect? Sex is a biological need? "What did you expect?" is pretty much my planned answer if he were to ever find out. I would feel badly for hurting him but honestly... what did he expect??!!
You can't have sex with your wife once in 4 years, talk about how hard it is for her and how unhappy she is, then do nothing about it and expect her not to get her needs met somewhere else. Sorry. Once I realized that's how I felt and that I would be okay saying that to him if the rubber hits the road, I knew I would be okay emotionally and morally with outsourcing. Amen sister! I feel the same way.
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Post by workingonit on Jun 12, 2018 21:08:36 GMT -5
So be prepared with an answer and it can be as simple as: Where's your proof? Or What do you expect? Sex is a biological need? "What did you expect?" is pretty much my planned answer if he were to ever find out. I would feel badly for hurting him but honestly... what did he expect??!!
You can't have sex with your wife once in 4 years, talk about how hard it is for her and how unhappy she is, then do nothing about it and expect her not to get her needs met somewhere else. Sorry. Once I realized that's how I felt and that I would be okay saying that to him if the rubber hits the road, I knew I would be okay emotionally and morally with outsourcing. I feel the same. I am not outsourcing but I have had some emotional affairs online that I know would hurt him. I don't want that but my answer will certainly be "What did you expect?" Which would be my answer if he looks in my underwear drawer and sees that my toy collection has grown exponentially since he was involved!
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Post by choosinghappy on Jun 12, 2018 21:14:58 GMT -5
"What did you expect?" is pretty much my planned answer if he were to ever find out. I would feel badly for hurting him but honestly... what did he expect??!!
You can't have sex with your wife once in 4 years, talk about how hard it is for her and how unhappy she is, then do nothing about it and expect her not to get her needs met somewhere else. Sorry. Once I realized that's how I felt and that I would be okay saying that to him if the rubber hits the road, I knew I would be okay emotionally and morally with outsourcing. I feel the same. I am not outsourcing but I have had some emotional affairs online that I know would hurt him. I don't want that but my answer will certainly be "What did you expect?" Which would be my answer if he looks in my underwear drawer and sees that my toy collection has grown exponentially since he was involved! Haha @workingonit - my UNDERWEAR drawer has grown exponentially since he was involved!! Lol That one might be a tad harder to explain...
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Post by flashjohn on Jun 21, 2018 11:40:04 GMT -5
"What did you expect?" is pretty much my planned answer if he were to ever find out. I would feel badly for hurting him but honestly... what did he expect??!!
You can't have sex with your wife once in 4 years, talk about how hard it is for her and how unhappy she is, then do nothing about it and expect her not to get her needs met somewhere else. Sorry. Once I realized that's how I felt and that I would be okay saying that to him if the rubber hits the road, I knew I would be okay emotionally and morally with outsourcing. While I was with the nightmare bitch from Hell, I would have said exactly that if she ever found out about my outsourcing. But now if she found out, my response would be, "You are such a self-centered, hateful, entitled, spoiled brat! How dare you judge me after refusing to fuck at all on the honeymoon, only fucking me 6-8 times a year for 22 years, then cutting me off completely for 6 years!! You have no right to criticize me at all and I hope you spend the rest of your life completely alone!"
Yes, I am a bit bitter about her stealing my life.
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Post by time4intimacy on Jun 21, 2018 13:50:03 GMT -5
"What did you expect?" is pretty much my planned answer if he were to ever find out. I would feel badly for hurting him but honestly... what did he expect??!!
You can't have sex with your wife once in 4 years, talk about how hard it is for her and how unhappy she is, then do nothing about it and expect her not to get her needs met somewhere else. Sorry. Once I realized that's how I felt and that I would be okay saying that to him if the rubber hits the road, I knew I would be okay emotionally and morally with outsourcing. Amen sister! I feel the same way. I think this sums it up!
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