|
Post by elynne on Jun 3, 2018 3:35:22 GMT -5
I asked h to do the Love languages test. He did it grudgingly. I explained that it helped us to communicate in ways that resonate with our loved ones that we care about them. He actually snorted at the questions about gifts. Mentioned that the quiz focused a lot on gifts. Thought it was ridiculous. I pointed out that gifts likely only constituted 1/5 of the quiz but that because it didn’t resonate with him he was more aware of those questions.
Results: 10 Quality time 8 Acts of service 5 Physical touch 3 Words of affection 0 gifts
I told him that his 3 and 4 were my 1 and 2. Though I doubt he’ll use this information.
|
|
|
Post by northstarmom on Jun 3, 2018 11:53:41 GMT -5
I hadn't taken the love languages quiz since I was in my SM. Then, my love languages were tired at physical touch and words of affirmation.
Now, I'm 5 years in a relationship with a guy who gives me plenty of touch and words of affirmation, and I appreciate those things.
To my surprise, when I took the test today, my love language now is quality time. I think that's because it's what I miss most. My sons are grown, and live a 5-16 hours drive away so I seldom see them. What I miss in life is spending time with them, including talking in depth with them on the phone. Because my work has been HELL (long hours, lots of stress) as I wind down to retirement, I also miss quality time with my partner. He gives me plenty of touch and words of affirmation. I miss being relaxed and awake enough to connect more emotionally. We have sex, but I haven't been emotionally present enough to have soul to soul conversations.
|
|
|
Post by DryCreek on Jun 3, 2018 14:32:33 GMT -5
I may have posted mine in the past; I'm curious to see how they might compare over time, so I'll have to go digging. Today's perspective:
12 Touch 8 Quality time 7 Words of affirmation 3 Acts of service 0 Gifts
No surprises here.
|
|
|
Post by flyingsolo on Jun 13, 2018 9:58:18 GMT -5
Interesting discussion with my wife yesterday who acknowledged that she's known mine was essentially physical touch for quite some time, yet we're in a sexless marriage. She actually asked me if I thought she was rejecting sex on purpose, to which I said "Yes. I'd have sex right here right now." (Shrug). Not quite sure how you can sit there and repeatedly tell someone you love them and then basically rebuff them at every attempt at physical contact other than maybe a hug or holding hands.
The loud thumping you hear is my head hitting the table repeatedly.....so frustrating.
|
|
|
Post by northstarmom on Jun 13, 2018 10:08:39 GMT -5
Flying solo, actions speak louder than words. Hear her actions.
|
|
|
Post by choosinghappy on Jun 13, 2018 10:11:16 GMT -5
Interesting discussion with my wife yesterday who acknowledged that she's known mine was essentially physical touch for quite some time, yet we're in a sexless marriage. She actually asked me if I thought she was rejecting sex on purpose, to which I said "Yes. I'd have sex right here right now." (Shrug). Not quite sure how you can sit there and repeatedly tell someone you love them and then basically rebuff them at every attempt at physical contact other than maybe a hug or holding hands. The loud thumping you hear is my head hitting the table repeatedly.....so frustrating. ☹️☹️ So what’s hers flyingsolo? Ask her how she’d feel if you NEVER provided her with whatever love language she needs? And when she begs you for it, you still don’t make it a priority? Would she still feel loved?
|
|
|
Post by choosinghappy on Jun 13, 2018 10:15:56 GMT -5
I may have posted mine in the past; I'm curious to see how they might compare over time, so I'll have to go digging. Today's perspective: 12 Touch 8 Quality time 7 Words of affirmation 3 Acts of service 0 Gifts No surprises here. DryCreek Did you find your previous one? Has touch moved up in the ranks over time due to unmet needs? I’d be curious to know if they truly do change due to circumstances or if we are who we are regardless.
|
|
|
Post by bballgirl on Jun 13, 2018 11:35:41 GMT -5
choosinghappyI believe that they are possible to change based on how our needs are being met. My physical touch has moved down to number 4 for me now that I took it again recently and acts of service has moved to number 3. I do believe all of the love languages should appear in a healthy relationship. For me gifts are at the bottom so a card and some flowers and candy a few times a year makes me happy. I can buy myself jewelry and at least I know I'm getting what I want.
|
|
|
Post by hopingforachange on Jun 13, 2018 15:41:18 GMT -5
Here are mine ranked. I don't want to give my numbers but the bottom two don't exist for me as a love language. Physical touch leads while Acts of service and Quality time are my secondary love languages. Physical Touch Acts of Service Quality Time Receiving Gifts Words of Affirmation Humm, although, I would feel loved receiving a gift to be used during an acts of service during a quality time while receiving words of affirmation.
|
|
|
Post by DryCreek on Jun 14, 2018 0:46:29 GMT -5
DryCreek Did you find your previous one? Has touch moved up in the ranks over time due to unmet needs? I’d be curious to know if they truly do change due to circumstances or if we are who we are regardless. I’ve looked but didn’t find it. I bought the book many years ago and penciled my quiz in it, but now the book seems to be missing too. If I find it, I’ll follow-up.
|
|
|
Post by elynne on Jun 14, 2018 1:59:34 GMT -5
DryCreek Did you find your previous one? Has touch moved up in the ranks over time due to unmet needs? I’d be curious to know if they truly do change due to circumstances or if we are who we are regardless. I’ve looked but didn’t find it. I bought the book many years ago and penciled my quiz in it, but now the book seems to be missing too. If I find it, I’ll follow-up. The theory of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs proposes that we move through the hierarchy as basic needs are met. Do we have water, food, shelter? Do you feel safe and secure? If those needs are met we can focus on love and belonging... and on up the pyramid. I suspect that love languages may tap into the same principle. If a need isn’t being met, it becomes more critical. It would make sense that for people in a SM physical touch is a need that is unmet thus it moves up in priority.
|
|
|
Post by h on Jun 14, 2018 11:38:02 GMT -5
I’ve looked but didn’t find it. I bought the book many years ago and penciled my quiz in it, but now the book seems to be missing too. If I find it, I’ll follow-up. The theory of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs proposes that we move through the hierarchy as basic needs met. Do we have water, food, shelter? Do you feel safe and secure? If those needs are met we can focus on love and belonging... and on up the pyramid. I suspect that love languages may tap into the same principle. If a need isn’t being met, it becomes more critical. It would make sense that for people in a SM physical touch is a need that is unmet thus it moves up in priority. You missed one. Sex is in that bottom tier of basic physiological needs according to Maslow's Hierarchy.
|
|
|
Post by elynne on Jun 14, 2018 11:43:30 GMT -5
The theory of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs proposes that we move through the hierarchy as basic needs met. Do we have water, food, shelter? Do you feel safe and secure? If those needs are met we can focus on love and belonging... and on up the pyramid. I suspect that love languages may tap into the same principle. If a need isn’t being met, it becomes more critical. It would make sense that for people in a SM physical touch is a need that is unmet thus it moves up in priority. You missed one. Sex is in that bottom tier of basic physiological needs according to Maslow's Hierarchy. It’s been years since I studied psychology, you’ll have to forgive me😉. Funny- I’d rather group sex with love and relationship needs. But that may be a very personal matter. Are you looking at sex as a basic biological urge or the need to connect with someone on a deeper level?
|
|
|
Post by h on Jun 14, 2018 11:53:33 GMT -5
You missed one. Sex is in that bottom tier of basic physiological needs according to Maslow's Hierarchy. It’s been years since I studied psychology, you’ll have to forgive me😉. Funny- I’d rather group sex with love and relationship needs. But that may be a very personal matter. Are you looking at sex as a basic biological urge or the need to connect with someone on a deeper level? Ideally it would be both, but if the physical need isn't satisfied, the emotional bonding doesn't occur. It's difficult for me to focus on the higher levels of the pyramid when the bottom levels aren't met. When it's been weeks since the last time sex happened, biology takes over and emotional needs take a lesser priority.
|
|
|
Post by bballgirl on Jun 14, 2018 13:25:54 GMT -5
It’s been years since I studied psychology, you’ll have to forgive me😉. Funny- I’d rather group sex with love and relationship needs. But that may be a very personal matter. Are you looking at sex as a basic biological urge or the need to connect with someone on a deeper level? Ideally it would be both, but if the physical need isn't satisfied, the emotional bonding doesn't occur. It's difficult for me to focus on the higher levels of the pyramid when the bottom levels aren't met. When it's been weeks since the last time sex happened, biology takes over and emotional needs take a lesser priority. Exactly if you look at Maslow's pyramid, Sex is the only need that is listed twice. At the bottom and the middle
|
|