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Post by nyartgal on Jun 1, 2018 18:55:37 GMT -5
Some many interesting things in this thread! 1. I doubt I'd be friends with my ex if we hadn't gotten together because we led such different lives when we met, on different sides of the country. But we did develop an amazing friendship which was by far the best part of the marriage. We could talk forever on car trips, had fun doing lots of activities, threw great parties together, traveled...that part was awesome. In fact, I think we could be friends one day again, though we are back to living on opposite coasts. We email maybe once a year which is fine for now, but if he were in town I'd meet him for a drink or whatever. 2. elynne you husband is such an ASSHOLE!!!!! I can't wait for the moment you have full clarity about his fuckery, you are going to come in to your power and take over the world! 3. Re: talking to your kids about the other parent's nonsense. My parents split when I was 4 and I was close to both, but lived with my mom who I believe is undiagnosed narcissist/borderline but high functioning. It was a mind fuck and it was great to be able to talk to my Dad about her! He didn't badmouth her, but he made me feel like I wasn't nuts because he knew just what I was talking about and had lived it. I would tell him a story about her latest irrational behavior and he'd laugh and say, "Your mother is berserk" (one of his favorite words) and I would feel a huge release. I also talked to my mom about my Dad but that was mainly her projecting lots of stuff on him that I knew on some level made no sense and as I got older, understood it was really a reflection of the things she hated about herself. Obviously, if you are still married to your spouse it's very tricky and I agree with those who say it will make kids have to choose. But if you are actually helping them understand and NOT just defending yourself against attacks by your spouse, my experience is that it's great to have a parent you can trust to be sane.
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tsm
Junior Member
Posts: 44
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Post by tsm on Jun 8, 2018 7:00:06 GMT -5
My ex and I were friends for several years before we got together. Eight months after the split and living halfway across the country from each other we have been able to become friends again, and pull away from the mutual loathing that gradually built up through our marriage. We talk a few times a week on the phone, often about our daughter but also to bounce ideas off each other too. Just because I can't stand to live with her doesn't mean I have to be an arsehole to her...
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