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Post by bballgirl on May 29, 2018 11:17:22 GMT -5
Sorry you are struggling. I hope you will find some comfort and support here. Have you had the Talk with your H? Do you and your husband do things together outside of the bedroom? What did he say was the reason? (Realize what he says might not be the truth) I agree with your therapist in regards to your mental and emotional state is because you do not feel wanted and desired. Find that for yourself. Especially being a woman it's not tough to find a man to please you and give you back that self confidence and repair your self esteem, heck it may take a few men but enjoy that journey and gift that you can give yourself. Yes, I had the talk with him already. He didn´t say a reason. He only apologizes telling he knows about what is happening and that he will try to make things better... But sadly I think I had the talk a little too late. I´m feeling devastated and hopeless, and although I want to have sex and think about it everyday I don´t want to have sex with him anymore. Is that normal? I´m feeling I´m getting crazy sometimes. Sometimes I wonder what is normal but to be honest my fundamental beliefs are that it's not normal to not want sex with your husband or wife. To me it's wrong, it's a problem and it needs to be addressed and solved. One person can't solve that problem so that's where the frustration, anger, and resentment creeps in. My personal philosophy is that sex is part of marriage and that sometimes one person can't meet all of your needs then sometimes we have to go elsewhere for that. I no longer want sex with the man that I used to want sex with. So really I don't think you are crazy.
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Post by darktippedrose on Jun 2, 2018 2:09:21 GMT -5
Sorry about your pain. I feel this way alot. It hasn't gotten better. I can cook. I can clean. I can take care of 3 autistic children mostly by myself. I can crochet. I can sew. I can organise. I have all these skill sets. But I can NOT for the life of me, get a real hug or a kiss. Hell if I can't sleep at night and I knock on my hsuband's bedroom door, he'll get pissed off at me. And he'll scowl at me.
So yes, it hurts that most people say that women have ALL the sexual power in the world. Everyone but me apparently. I feel defective.
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Post by ihadalove on Jun 2, 2018 7:14:26 GMT -5
Sorry about your pain. I feel this way alot. It hasn't gotten better. I can cook. I can clean. I can take care of 3 autistic children mostly by myself. I can crochet. I can sew. I can organise. I have all these skill sets. But I can NOT for the life of me, get a real hug or a kiss. Hell if I can't sleep at night and I knock on my hsuband's bedroom door, he'll get pissed off at me. And he'll scowl at me. So yes, it hurts that most people say that women have ALL the sexual power in the world. Everyone but me apparently. I feel defective. The refuser has all the sexual power. They don't seem to believe it though!
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Post by obobfla on Jun 2, 2018 9:07:00 GMT -5
I would highly recommend you don’t have an affair. Your husband probably isn’t intentionally hurting you. An affair is something you will never be able to take back. If he found out, it is almost certain to destroy the relationship you have with him. I agree... and I don´t think I could have an affair. Not now From my own experience, having an affair helped. I wondered if any woman would find me attractive, and I thought the SM was my fault. It wasn’t. While the sex was nice, the conversations and friendship were the most helpful. Mine was a long-distance affair, so we would chat often via Skype or Facebook. It was wonderful to see her face light up when she saw me! In lieu of an affair, maybe just start reaching out to the people here. You need someone who acknowledges that you are a desirable woman.
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Post by nyartgal on Jun 2, 2018 10:37:50 GMT -5
Yikes, trust your instincts! I think that "therapist" is trying to get into your pants.
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Post by northstarmom on Jun 2, 2018 11:07:35 GMT -5
A reason I tell women in SM to get women therapists is that the first therapist I went to to talk about my sm tried to seduce me. He called me a, “sexy, sensual woman,” and offered me a job working with him. Somehow even though I was very attracted to him, I left therapy instead of having an affair. He was a licensed, doctorate holding psychologist.
Several years later I returned to therapy. This time I chose a woman with an MSW who taught social work at a local university. She was experienced in helping women with midlife crises. It was through her counseling that I addressed my depression and got involved in activities that boosted my confident and connected me with supportive friends. A couple of years after ending therapy with her, I decided to divorce.
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Post by northstarmom on Jun 2, 2018 11:15:26 GMT -5
“So yes, it hurts that most people say that women have ALL the sexual power in the world. Everyone but me apparently. I feel defective.”
You are not defective. Your marriage was defective from the start. Your dysfunctional and abusive family wanted to unload you so arranged a marriage to a horrible man a loving family would block from involvement with a relative. Your h never loved you. He doesn’t even like people of your race. He has given you STDs, used drugs and blamed you for his lack of religious fervor. He is selfish and verbally abusive. He doesn’t believe in fireplay. He has demonstrated no interest in your sexual pleasure. He also seems clinically paranoid. He has been on an FBI watch list.
I do not understand why you would want him to have sex with you. I understand your human longing for sexual and love. I don’t know, however, why you would want that vile man to touch you.
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