A Facebook friend posted again how being single just means you are too awesome to settle for anyone. In her words, "Anyone can have a boyfriend/girlfriend if you have low expectations."
I mean, I get people tell themselves what they need to in order to feel good about life, but that's pretty absolute, doomsday thinking. And absolute, doomsday thinking brings to your reality exactly what you are choosing to believe.
So, if that's true, yup.... all of us in relationships are ignorant fools who settled for the first person who came along and thats the only reason we are coupled up. We weren't awesome enough on our own to handle the single life.
If that were absolute truth, I'd have stayed single, too! It's not the absolute truth, though.
There is such a thing as healthy, happy relationships.
Never settle. But at the same time, don't assume everyone in a relationship is settling. I'm not in a relationship because I have "low self esteem." This relationship has allowed me so much growth, I'm better as a person as a result of it. My husband says the same thing.
As always, know thyself first and besr and love thyself first and best. From there, things get easier in life... all areas, actually. No, I haven't mastered it, it's a life practice thing.
My point of that is that then decisions become a bit easier. Live your authentic truth, no apologies or justification needed. Yeah, I see the irony.... I don't have to justify why I'm in a relationship, either, but I'm really not... I just anted to share the thought her post spurred in my head. I didn't say anything to her. I'm ignoring her post because I don't really believe it.
Last Edit: May 27, 2018 9:20:02 GMT -5 by WindSister
Those who feel lovable, who love, and who experience belonging simply believe they are worthy of love and belonging. - Brene Brown
I think it's true that anyone can have a relationship if that's all they want and don't care about the standards of the relationship. I'd have stuck to that line a little more firmly if I hadn't experienced what a great relationship is like. I had no idea, really - no idea.
Post by choosinghappy on May 27, 2018 10:04:40 GMT -5
I have to wonder if your friend was passive aggressively referring to one person in particular. (That is such a pet peeve of mine.) Because if she truly does believe that everyone in a relationship has settled because they didn’t want to be alone then she’s got some serious issues to work on.
To me it's obvious - this person desperately wants a deep, rewarding relationship and has to justify to herself why she can't find one by disparaging those who have one. There is no logic there, just jealousy.
The most amusing bit is her complete lack of self-reflection! She has no idea how transparent her attempt to disparage other peoples’ relationships is. Does she really believe everyone one she knows has settled and is in a crap relationship? And even if she really does believe that, what good is she doing them by stating it? Is she trying to help them by opening their eyes? I sincerely doubt it.
Post by northstarmom on May 27, 2018 12:17:00 GMT -5
“Never settle. But at the same time, don't assume everyone in a relationship is settling. I'm not in a relationship because I have "low self esteem." This relationship has allowed me so much growth, I'm better as a person as a result of it. My husband says the same thing. ”
I don’t think that everyone with a relationship has settled. I do assume that anyone in a sexless, verbally, emotionally abusive one has settled: they’d rather be with such a person than be single. Some even would rather financially support such a person than be single.
I agree with this: “Anyone can have a boyfriend/girlfriend if you have low expectations."
Some of the most awesome people I know are single folks who won’t settle for people below what they think they deserve.
"Anyone can have a boyfriend/girlfriend if you have low expectations."
As a statement, I think that is actually pretty accurate.
But the context in which the statement is being made is quite important.
In this post of Sister WindSister , it appears that the statement is being made by a farcebook acquaintance who thinks their own shit don't stink. And in that context, it looks like a case of sour grapes.
Had the same statement been made by someone in the context of making the point "don't settle for a dud", then it reads as a pretty sound bit of advice.
Anyway - "Anyone can have a bitter farcebook friend if you have low expectations of them".
Don’t take it so personally, especially if it was a meme. These silly things show up all over FB. The actual quote is true. I could probably take up with some homeless, down and out, kind of guy if I had the motivation to look for such a man, but I don’t because that’s not what I want. Unless she is actually addressing you, then don’t let it bother you. If it’s to help her in her singleness, then have some compassion for her.
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solodriver: Maybe over what happened last weekend with the discussion board men vs. women
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