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Post by baza on Aug 14, 2018 3:46:53 GMT -5
Well in amongst this angst-ridden travelogue there is a gem. Where you say - "Stay with a husband who I think is an asshole. Leave said husband and be a single mom in a foreign country without much income" It's entirely true Sister elynne . Or to put it another way - Deal with the problems & benefits staying involves - or - deal with the problems & benefits being single involves. What you don't get, is a choice that has no problems attached. Ain't no such thing. No-one gets that. The big difficulty here is "knowledge". You know all about the problems & benefits of living in an ILIASM shithole. You are expert in that field. What you don't have is any first hand current knowledge of the problems & benefits of being single. So until such time as you fully research that (starting with seeing a lawyer) you cannot make a fully informed choice. It really seems that getting yourself up to speed with the problems & benefits of being single needs to be your mission. Once you have that knowledge, you can make a fully informed choice.
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Post by WindSister on Aug 14, 2018 6:37:48 GMT -5
Good to hear from you, Elynne. I recall my ex and I biking once towards the end of that farce of a marriage (peddle biking).... it started raining. He powered ahead as fast as he could without a second thought of me. He was GONE. I found him waiting in the car, his bike already loaded. He didn't even get out to help me load my bike because he was already drying. I didn't say a word to him, but never forgot.
I'm living the complete opposite of that now with my new husband. It still amazes me. We respect and love each other and have each other's backs. We never leave the other behind.
Selfish people suck... besides, a lot of fun can be had on hikes, or bike rides, even in the rain! When there's no fun or shared Joy even when doing supposed fun things, the relationship is shot.
Sorry you ended up here.... yes, life is damn short.
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Post by northstarmom on Aug 14, 2018 6:48:10 GMT -5
Elynne said: “H was pissed that I exposed his lack of concern or attention for me. ”
Lol! Truth is that within minutes of seeing you together for the first time, friends knew how badly he treats you. It’s likely they participate in activities with your family because they like you.
Have you found out from a lawyer what your financial situation likely would be if you divorce?
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Post by elynne on Aug 14, 2018 8:57:38 GMT -5
Elynne said: “H was pissed that I exposed his lack of concern or attention for me. ” Lol! Truth is that within minutes of seeing you together for the first time, friends knew how badly he treats you. It’s likely they participate in activities with your family because they like you. Have you found out from a lawyer what your financial situation likely would be if you divorce? Yes. He’ll have to buy me out of his practice and pay alimony for 12 years. That should give me enough time to get my ducks in a row.
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Post by greatcoastal on Aug 14, 2018 12:54:10 GMT -5
elynne been thinking about you, hoping you were making progress! You can take that entire climbing story and tweek it a little. It will describe your entire marriage to the narc. substitute the word climb/climbing with marriage.
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Post by choosinghappy on Aug 14, 2018 21:09:04 GMT -5
“Stay with a H who I think is an asshole. Leave said H and be a single mom in a foreign country without much income.” elynne I think you left out one very important thing here so please allow me to add: “Stay with a H who I think is an asshole AND IS CAUSING IRREPARABLE HARM TO OUR GIRLS...” I’m glad(?) things haven’t changed over the time of your radio silence here, in that they haven’t gotten WORSE (I admit I have some uneasy feelings about what he could be capable of) but they sure as hell haven’t gotten any better either. I’m glad you updated. Sending hugs.
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Post by elkclan2 on Aug 21, 2018 14:16:36 GMT -5
Just aside, my ex used to leave me all the time. Leave me behind crossing the road when I was heavily pregnant. I used to beg him not to cross the road without me (he'd look for a gap and dash leaving me behind). I used to beg him not to walk too fast and leave me behind.
Now I have a partner who just wouldn't do that. He's always checking in with me.
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Post by solodriver on Jul 14, 2019 19:59:44 GMT -5
This is also good advice for men who are in emotionally abusive relationships.
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