In making this career move, I have received mixed messages from people, though I am not including my husband in this, he has been nothing but 100% supportive, positive and encouraging, even telling me how proud he is of me, even when I am going from being a supervisor to just an assistant again. I am also not including my GOOD friends - who get me. They have also been supportive.
But from random other people I have gotten responses like "you are switching careers again??" " every job sucks, you just have to 'embrace the suck,'" " every job comes with headaches."
And from co-workers who are fellow Program Directors (we don't work closely, as we are all in our own "areas" of this spread-out region, so we rarely see each other) I haven't received ONE WORD.
That last one feels cold to me. I remember when a PD resigned last year, I personally emailed her after her group response and said I was sorry to see her go, let's stay in touch for networking and look me up if she ever wanted to do happy hour again (she was the only one I did happy hour with, none of the others ever will). Maybe I was the only one she heard from. Maybe there is a reason she and I both left this place. It's cold.
Anyway, I do have a point to this.
It doesn't matter. All those comments come from someone giving me 2.5 seconds of their attention and then they are on to other things.
I am left to live MY LIFE.
Same is true when you start to talk divorce and get comments then, too. Or you stop drinking. Or start eating healthy and say no to a piece of cake (oh, the horrors).
Know yourself. Live your Life for You.
Last Edit: May 9, 2018 8:18:30 GMT -5 by WindSister
Those who feel lovable, who love, and who experience belonging simply believe they are worthy of love and belonging. - Brene Brown
Post by greatcoastal on May 9, 2018 10:58:00 GMT -5
There's a lot of truth in what you say. Fortunately as we/I get older and wiser we also consider the way others treat our positive changes and times of venting crappy situations. It's helpful to reflect upon how someone listened and responded to our situations and what we appreciated the most, then it's up to us to put that into action the next time we need to respond to others with their positive or sad situations.
For example, my teenage daughter comes home from a long, long trip at H.S, Chorus competitions and tells me all about how the judges ranked them. The good and the bad. I listen, ask questions and try to remain interested, and show an eagerness to learn. In reality.... I know nothing about it and I've never been in a chorus, or known one thing about chorus competitions,and I don't expect to get involved in it! I'll be going to her chorus awards banquet, my mind will be in a thousand other places! But just me being there will mean the world to her!
After about 2 minutes of "chorus talk" my mind drifts, I do enjoy seeing her happiness in it, and the satisfaction she gets with it.
It reminds me of peoples responses to "the divorce" or worse " a SM". How quickly they dismiss it and move on.
I also think about when people enter my home and I show them my paintings. I tell them " this one received 1st place in the state competition out of 900 others that where chosen. It also received second place and The Peoples Choice award in the county competition". Almost instantly they say" where is that place? is that near here? I think I've been there". They have no clue at all about what is involved in starting with an idea, and getting all the way to first place in the state, no idea, nor do they care! Unless you are talking with a another seasoned artist who's been there!
I dunno who said this - "People don't think about you anywhere near as much as you think they do" -
But I reckon that is pretty accurate. They really don't.
And if you really look at yourself, you will most likely see that that applies to you as well.
Take the last time someone you know changed jobs or got divorced. When you heard the news, did it prey on your mind 24/7 ? Is it still at the forefront of your thinking right now (days, weeks, months or years down the track ?) I'm betting not.
Chances are that you have / had your own life events going on that required your attention, and these (quite rightly) take precedence over other peoples life events. Because although you can be empathetic to other peoples life events, you can do fuck all about them. Any more than other people can do anything about your life events.
There are, of course "gossips" who love to pick to pieces (behind your back usually) your life events and leap to judgement from their lofty perch up on "Mt Moral-Highground". Thing is, your job change / divorce may be todays most interesting event in their lives to gossip about, but as soon as there is an event more current, or more scandalous than yours, you become yesterdays news real quick as they move on to a newer or 'better' situation to apply their thinking to.
"People don't think about you anywhere near as much as you think they do"
worksforme2: hey nancyb, how are things perkolating with the older gentleman you spoke of a while back?
Jul 28, 2018 18:25:32 GMT -5
nancyb: worksforme2: Relationship died when we had a difference in opinion regarding UFO's and extraterrestrial beings. LOL I weighed in on the nay side and he believed they walk amongst us.
Jul 30, 2018 5:51:07 GMT -5
bc: I can’t stop laughing...go ahead, micromanage and analyze that marriage and see what she will do for you.
Jul 30, 2018 8:17:58 GMT -5
Dan: I think I'd have to see how good a new girlfriend was in the sack before I crossed her off the list -- or kicked her out of bed -- for believing in UFOs. I guess that makes me... male!
Jul 30, 2018 21:25:05 GMT -5
solodriver: It's been so long for me, I might see UFOs my first time. lol
Jul 31, 2018 1:42:47 GMT -5
beachguy: nancyb: He's right. It's all in the X Files, if you care to look.
Jul 31, 2018 3:45:13 GMT -5
nancyb: Dan: It was a tough decision, he was a good lover but the craziness ended things. Been dating since but nothing serious. I paint a lot.
Jul 31, 2018 5:57:00 GMT -5
petrushka: Thing is, someone being a fruit-loop about something like UFOs usually is not confined to one area; even if it is not immediately obvious. People who are nutty about one thing can go off at a tangent any time, I found (...out the hard way).
Jul 31, 2018 7:39:29 GMT -5
greatcoastal: nancyb: Sounds like you Identified a Fucking Object for what it truly is!
Jul 31, 2018 8:25:25 GMT -5
worksforme2: nancyb,...I am going to paint my living room soon as I can decide on the color.
Jul 31, 2018 19:15:08 GMT -5
worksforme2: When it comes to UFO's we always hear about "little green men", why are there never any "little green women"?
Aug 1, 2018 6:21:15 GMT -5
solodriver: I think I recall an episode of "Lost In Space where Dr. Smith was being chased by a green woman
Aug 1, 2018 21:29:17 GMT -5