"We have a romantic ideal in which we turn to one person to fulfill an endless list of needs: to be my greatest lover, my best friend, the best parent, my trusted confidante, my emotional companion, and my intellectual equal."
--This is something I feel bballgirl has the one-up on: Not requiring her H to be the only person to fulfill her needs. Very few of us seem to be ok accepting having multiple people fill those roles.
"...we live in an era where we feel that we are entitled to pursue our desires because this is the culture where 'I deserve to be happy'. And if we used to divorce because we were unhappy, today we divorce because we could be happier. And if divorce [used to] carry all the shame, today choosing to stay when you could leave is the new shame."
"Betrayal in a relationship comes in many forms. There are many ways that we betray our partner: with contempt, with neglect, with indifference, with violence. Sexual betrayal is only one way to hurt a partner. The victim of the affair is not always the victim of the marriage."
I really like Perel and her Ted Talks to think outside of the box.
Here's the thing - when I got my divorce I wasn't of the philosophy to have more than one person to meet my needs. I came to this realization after the divorce, after dating awhile, and most importantly realizing what I wanted for myself.
What I realized about myself and it may be just the way I'm wired is:
1) Relationships are a lot of work and it turns out I didn't want to try with a new relationship
2) I didn't want sex with anyone except fwb.
3) Sex it turns out is just sex for me, it makes me feel wanted and desired but not loved and cared for but that's me.
4) Words of affirmation, quality time and acts of service are my main love languages not physical touch and gifts
5) At the end of the day my family is back together and this is the choice I want for myself
This is just scratching the surface and everyone is different- there is no cookie cutter solution for everyone but again I would not be where I am now if I didn't divorce Mr. Bballgirl
worksforme2: hey nancyb, how are things perkolating with the older gentleman you spoke of a while back?
Jul 28, 2018 18:25:32 GMT -5
nancyb: worksforme2: Relationship died when we had a difference in opinion regarding UFO's and extraterrestrial beings. LOL I weighed in on the nay side and he believed they walk amongst us.
Jul 30, 2018 5:51:07 GMT -5
bc: I can’t stop laughing...go ahead, micromanage and analyze that marriage and see what she will do for you.
Jul 30, 2018 8:17:58 GMT -5
Dan: I think I'd have to see how good a new girlfriend was in the sack before I crossed her off the list -- or kicked her out of bed -- for believing in UFOs. I guess that makes me... male!
Jul 30, 2018 21:25:05 GMT -5
solodriver: It's been so long for me, I might see UFOs my first time. lol
Jul 31, 2018 1:42:47 GMT -5
beachguy: nancyb: He's right. It's all in the X Files, if you care to look.
Jul 31, 2018 3:45:13 GMT -5
nancyb: Dan: It was a tough decision, he was a good lover but the craziness ended things. Been dating since but nothing serious. I paint a lot.
Jul 31, 2018 5:57:00 GMT -5
petrushka: Thing is, someone being a fruit-loop about something like UFOs usually is not confined to one area; even if it is not immediately obvious. People who are nutty about one thing can go off at a tangent any time, I found (...out the hard way).
Jul 31, 2018 7:39:29 GMT -5
greatcoastal: nancyb: Sounds like you Identified a Fucking Object for what it truly is!
Jul 31, 2018 8:25:25 GMT -5
worksforme2: nancyb,...I am going to paint my living room soon as I can decide on the color.
Jul 31, 2018 19:15:08 GMT -5
worksforme2: When it comes to UFO's we always hear about "little green men", why are there never any "little green women"?
Aug 1, 2018 6:21:15 GMT -5
solodriver: I think I recall an episode of "Lost In Space where Dr. Smith was being chased by a green woman
Aug 1, 2018 21:29:17 GMT -5