littlelamb
Junior Member
I don't know.
Posts: 56
Age Range: 26-30
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Post by littlelamb on May 3, 2018 18:10:50 GMT -5
it's his rules, He does feel it's disrespectful. I wouldn't go back to talking to anyone near me, there were times my "friend" would talk to another guy about me (not my H) without asking me if that was ok first.... my friend would think they were helping so they could in the future introduce me to someone else and it would turn out the other guy would have some sort of connection to my H and my H would find out about me talking that way and get angry and I'd be in trouble and then he'd hate that friend from then on and would hate me for visiting with or talking with that friend and. I guess I can understand that if one of his friends were trying to separate us I wouldn't like them much either and I prefer him to always talk to me when something is wrong too...but it's always things that I already talked to him about with no true acknowledgement or my feelings were belittled and whatever wasn't treated as an issue with him so I'd be really upset I'd go spend time with one of the girls and she's want to know what's wrong it's just complicated. I like to be alone and was never too social to begin with...
When it comes to the baby. We have already discussed getting him special permission to be around his biological supervised which his PO and supervisor claims it'd ultimately be me giving them permission and then it'd be approved by a judge....these people are familiar with me as I've spoken with them numerous times over the past 4yrs and they are semi proud of his progress and don't want us end our relationship/marriage. My baby is a girl. She wouldn't be left alone with him, I'd be there and so he wouldn't really be baby sitting or anything (if I was to go back to work my mother wants to baby sit), it's true that my baby wouldn't be allowed to have friends over and so she'd always have to go visit her friends unless my H is somehow off the registry by that point or isn't home/ working..I feel it'd take a few years before she were to become social and there's chance to get him off the registry.
it's just a weird situation.
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Post by northstarmom on May 3, 2018 18:26:45 GMT -5
Little lamb, Thank you for taking time to answer my questions.
How many times have you left him? Why did you leave him and what did you do with yourself when you were separated? Why did you go back to him?
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Post by solodriver on Jul 26, 2018 23:52:00 GMT -5
Here's my reality: I am currently researching divorce lawyers online so I can contact one for an initial consultation. At the exact same time I receive a text from H (who is traveling for work AGAIN): "Love you [pet name]! Hope you're having a great day. I miss you!!" Sigh. We are just SO disconnected. I do not miss him, I never miss him anymore, though he is gone more than half the time. And I honestly think it's bullshit that he even misses me. Pretty sure he misses his recliner and having dinner on the table every night and the kid taken care of. We don't even talk. We don't touch. We sleep in separate bedrooms. What's there to miss? I can't tell if he's not going to see this coming (i.e. me filing), or if he just thinks we're going to continue this whole facade indefinitely. Nice new name choosinghappy
How did you do your researching for divorce lawyers online? Was it just ones located in your local area? How many did you research? Did any have an initial free consultation with any of them? How many did you visit and how far out before your separation did you visit them?
I know, lots of questions, but I'm getting close to that point in my exit plan and would be very interested in hearing how this part went for you.
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Post by ironhamster on Jul 27, 2018 10:38:16 GMT -5
Here's my reality: I am currently researching divorce lawyers online so I can contact one for an initial consultation. At the exact same time I receive a text from H (who is traveling for work AGAIN): "Love you [pet name]! Hope you're having a great day. I miss you!!" Sigh. We are just SO disconnected. I do not miss him, I never miss him anymore, though he is gone more than half the time. And I honestly think it's bullshit that he even misses me. Pretty sure he misses his recliner and having dinner on the table every night and the kid taken care of. We don't even talk. We don't touch. We sleep in separate bedrooms. What's there to miss? I can't tell if he's not going to see this coming (i.e. me filing), or if he just thinks we're going to continue this whole facade indefinitely. Nice new name choosinghappy
How did you do your researching for divorce lawyers online? Was it just ones located in your local area? How many did you research? Did any have an initial free consultation with any of them? How many did you visit and how far out before your separation did you visit them?
I know, lots of questions, but I'm getting close to that point in my exit plan and would be very interested in hearing how this part went for you.
One note on choosing a lawyer. I selected my first lawyer based mostly because he was in a firm that had done some financial work for me. Unfortunately, he was the only lawyer in that firm that specialized in family law, and he resigned the very week the papers were served. You may want to lean your decision toward a partnership that specializes in family law. In the event of a resignation, family emergency, injury, or other catastrophic event in your lawyer's life it would make the transition to a new one much smoother.
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Post by choosinghappy on Jul 27, 2018 15:10:12 GMT -5
How did you do your researching for divorce lawyers online? Was it just ones located in your local area? How many did you research? Did any have an initial free consultation with any of them? How many did you visit and how far out before your separation did you visit them?
I know, lots of questions, but I'm getting close to that point in my exit plan and would be very interested in hearing how this part went for you.
solodriver I looked online for lawyers in my area (I stayed in or near my county in case of multiple trips to court) and checked out their reviews online and their websites. Read the writeups of themselves and how others described them. I also reached out to a friend who went through a divorce and got her recommendation. I chose to have consultations with two of them: the one referred by my friend and the one who felt the most like what I would want based on internet research.* Both consults were free and my visits to them were within 2 months of separating from my STBX. I was sure to take a spreadsheet of all assets, debts, bills with me, along with our joint income totals of the last 3 years. (All the financial stuff just amounted to one piece of paper, so that the lawyers could have an overview in order to do some calculations and estimates for me regarding alimony and asset-division.) *Note that people here have commented previously that internet research is not a good way to go to find a lawyer (fake reviews and such) but it worked for me. I couldn't exactly cast a wide net asking around since I did not want H to find out I was planning to file.
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Post by shamwow on Jul 27, 2018 19:23:52 GMT -5
Here's my reality: I am currently researching divorce lawyers online so I can contact one for an initial consultation. At the exact same time I receive a text from H (who is traveling for work AGAIN): "Love you [pet name]! Hope you're having a great day. I miss you!!" Sigh. We are just SO disconnected. I do not miss him, I never miss him anymore, though he is gone more than half the time. And I honestly think it's bullshit that he even misses me. Pretty sure he misses his recliner and having dinner on the table every night and the kid taken care of. We don't even talk. We don't touch. We sleep in separate bedrooms. What's there to miss? I can't tell if he's not going to see this coming (i.e. me filing), or if he just thinks we're going to continue this whole facade indefinitely. Nice new name choosinghappy
How did you do your researching for divorce lawyers online? Was it just ones located in your local area? How many did you research? Did any have an initial free consultation with any of them? How many did you visit and how far out before your separation did you visit them?
I know, lots of questions, but I'm getting close to that point in my exit plan and would be very interested in hearing how this part went for you.
My ex and I didn't get lawyers until pretty far into the time line. She got one first and I asked her to have hers recommend one whom I had worked well with in the past to settle things amicably. Since that was our goal (and we generally did minus some speed bumps), I think it worked out well. My attorney cost me 1500 and that included the 400 or 500 filing fee if I recall. Of course if things had headed south, I had also interviewed a "shark" who would have torn her apart. I was amicable, after all, not stupid.
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