Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 25, 2017 17:22:37 GMT -5
My sadness far outweighs any other emotion, life is becoming a pit of despair into which I sink... The only thing I enjoy anymore is food. In less than two years, my weight has doubled. I am getting scared of my emotions, and sexual urges... Every one leads to a binge. My s/o enables me, offering more and more food, looking for new resteraunts... I wonder if he is ensuring I get fatter and fatter to depend on him, and to give reason to why he won't have sex with me. So that I can be the one to blame. Sigh... I am sorry you find yourself here. Make yourself comfortable here and hope you find some support.
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padre
New Member
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Age Range: 46-50
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Post by padre on Jul 26, 2017 9:48:02 GMT -5
Quick intro: howdy. Never posted on this site till yesterday, but I'm a long-time lurker who found this site - or, rather, EP - near the end of my 11-year sexless marriage. That discovery (especially the iconic "All that glitters" post) was part of what gave me the courage to see that something genuinely was wrong, and a sense of hope and relief that I wasn't completely mad to believe that sex, intimacy, and love could and should go together. Although I said nothing, it meant the world to me to know that I wasn't alone in that lonely and unwanted hell. That was about six years ago, and I suppose I'd say I'm a "success story", for want of a better term, in the sense that I found the strength to forge a different life with different options for myself. Since then, I've lurked these boards from time to time, I guess because any broken marriage, not least sexless ones, shape a good chunk of who you are, even when the immediate pain is long faded, and so the affinity with the people here remains. I've popped up out of the shadows now for reasons that aren't entirely clear to me, but I do want to take the opportunity to say "thank you" to the folk here, particularly the long-timers, for the hope that it can be better. And I want to tell others, particularly those still in the misery pit, that it can get better. It may or may not happen the way you expect it, and your choices will have to be the ones you can live with, but it *can* get better.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 26, 2017 11:07:48 GMT -5
padre welcome and I hope you post about your story. There are lots of people who need to hear it.
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Post by bballgirl on Jul 26, 2017 22:29:41 GMT -5
padre Welcome and that's a beautiful message thanks for sharing.
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Post by sillygirl on Aug 5, 2017 14:56:57 GMT -5
New to the ILIASM forum? Please introduce yourself on this thread; just press " Reply". Long time lurker? It's never too late... please introduce yourself when you are ready. After your first post here, when you have more to tell or ask, you should probably start a NEW thread for that discussion in the Sexless Marriage Issues board; click " Create Thread" there. New members should read through the threads in the " Welcome" board, particularly the " Guidelines" and " Quick Start" threads. The keyword is "respect". Site moderators will use the Guidelines to guide their moderation decisions; posts may be moved to a more appropriate forum, or in egregious cases of disrepsect, posts may be redacted or deleted. Trust us: that will make everyone's experience here better. -- Admin
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Post by sillygirl on Aug 5, 2017 15:09:05 GMT -5
Hello. I am new here too. A friend suggested i check out the group. It has been 13+ years since i last had sex with my husband. I feel like a pariah most of the time. We have awesome kids and are friends but its tough.
I've had lovers who think i made it up. I am serious and over a year ago when i said i wanted to leave because of everything, his response was to get viagra. Not therapy that i had begged him to do, not talking to me, or working on himself. He admits to killing our intimacy but still 'loves' me. Though i hear it once in a blue moon.
One desire I have is to forgive him for making me ao cynical and believe love can exist. I want this as our kids grow and fall in love, I wont be bitter.
There is much more. I am aware after 25years of marriage it is never going to change.
Lovers didnt believe me that he wasn't affectionate until one of my female friends was here and saw him being mean first hand. It just feels so lonely at times.
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Post by hopingforachange on Aug 5, 2017 16:09:42 GMT -5
Welcome to the club no one wanted to join.
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Post by Deleted on Aug 5, 2017 17:35:26 GMT -5
Hello all! I've been lurking for a while and finally decided to jump in. I'm 43 and married for 16 years to an older man who has Type II diabetes. When we first began dating, he told me he'd been diagnosed as bipolar but that it was a "bullshit" diagnosis, as he'd been under undue stress at the time. We have one child who is 14. Our marriage has been low sex since my pregnancy in 2002. At first, he told me we couldn't have ssx becsuse "the baby is watching". After he was born, it because "I'm too tired". Then "I'm not atttracted to you when the house is a mess". Five years ago, I discovered a message board post from him in which he declared that he had decided I was "too self-absorbed" for him to be "in the mood". Throughout the years, hugging, hand-holding and kissing have also mostly fallen by the wayside. He became angry and verbally abusive sometime after year 5 of our marriage. The same year, I went back to school to finish my BA and six months after graduation landed my dream job, making real money for the first time. He became financially irresponsible shortly thereafter So our problems go beyond the bedroom. Two years ago, I left him and, after him having a nervous breakdown and him and my mom wiring to push us back together, I reluctantly moved back in. Sex is infrequent still, and often involves only a bit of foreolay, or whatever he has enough energy for. He still uses tiredness or the bedroom being not clean enough - as an example - as an excuse. We've been in marriage counseling since January 2016. His two big issues he wanted to see resolved were him buying a new car (which he did in April; I had no idea he was at the dealership until he texted me), and getting our son off the computer (another unilateral decision). At least we don't fight anymore. And sometimes he cooks. I still keep us afloat financially. We actually had sex on the 4th of July and see our counselor tomorrow. Wish me luck... and thank you for creating this forum! I am terribly sorry you find yourself here. You have been through a lot. I hope at some point you are able to leave him and enjoy some peace and happiness. You deserve it.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 7, 2017 10:02:31 GMT -5
Hello. I am new here too. A friend suggested i check out the group. It has been 13+ years since i last had sex with my husband. I feel like a pariah most of the time. We have awesome kids and are friends but its tough. I've had lovers who think i made it up. I am serious and over a year ago when i said i wanted to leave because of everything, his response was to get viagra. Not therapy that i had begged him to do, not talking to me, or working on himself. He admits to killing our intimacy but still 'loves' me. Though i hear it once in a blue moon. One desire I have is to forgive him for making me ao cynical and believe love can exist. I want this as our kids grow and fall in love, I wont be bitter. There is much more. I am aware after 25years of marriage it is never going to change. Lovers didnt believe me that he wasn't affectionate until one of my female friends was here and saw him being mean first hand. It just feels so lonely at times. Welcome sillygirl. Please read and post whenever you want. You may consider sharing your story here. You will not be judged and people really understand.
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Post by mypaintbrushes on Aug 7, 2017 16:40:40 GMT -5
Hello all! I've been lurking for a while and finally decided to jump in. I'm 43 and married for 16 years to an older man who has Type II diabetes. When we first began dating, he told me he'd been diagnosed as bipolar but that it was a "bullshit" diagnosis, as he'd been under undue stress at the time. We have one child who is 14. Our marriage has been low sex since my pregnancy in 2002. At first, he told me we couldn't have ssx becsuse "the baby is watching". After he was born, it because "I'm too tired". Then "I'm not atttracted to you when the house is a mess". Five years ago, I discovered a message board post from him in which he declared that he had decided I was "too self-absorbed" for him to be "in the mood". Throughout the years, hugging, hand-holding and kissing have also mostly fallen by the wayside. He became angry and verbally abusive sometime after year 5 of our marriage. The same year, I went back to school to finish my BA and six months after graduation landed my dream job, making real money for the first time. He became financially irresponsible shortly thereafter So our problems go beyond the bedroom. Two years ago, I left him and, after him having a nervous breakdown and him and my mom wiring to push us back together, I reluctantly moved back in. Sex is infrequent still, and often involves only a bit of foreolay, or whatever he has enough energy for. He still uses tiredness or the bedroom being not clean enough - as an example - as an excuse. We've been in marriage counseling since January 2016. His two big issues he wanted to see resolved were him buying a new car (which he did in April; I had no idea he was at the dealership until he texted me), and getting our son off the computer (another unilateral decision). At least we don't fight anymore. And sometimes he cooks. I still keep us afloat financially. We actually had sex on the 4th of July and see our counselor tomorrow. Wish me luck... and thank you for creating this forum! I am terribly sorry you find yourself here. You have been through a lot. I hope at some point you are able to leave him and enjoy some peace and happiness. You deserve it. Thank you. We have HUGE financial and emotional issues that make splitting up at this point extremely complicated to say the least. My company cares about my finances, and lawyers have uttered the b-word (bankruptcy) to me. Such a drastic action could likely cost me my job. And I am the higher paid spouse. Any ideas?
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Post by mrslowmaintenance on Aug 8, 2017 1:25:33 GMT -5
I am terribly sorry you find yourself here. You have been through a lot. I hope at some point you are able to leave him and enjoy some peace and happiness. You deserve it. Thank you. We have HUGE financial and emotional issues that make splitting up at this point extremely complicated to say the least. My company cares about my finances, and lawyers have uttered the b-word (bankruptcy) to me. Such a drastic action could likely cost me my job. And I am the higher paid spouse. Any ideas? I'd seggust going on the resources board or the other board and asking this question!! Sometimes this intro board gets so big and daunting that it kind of gets forgotten. Also, welcome, you will find there are some here who have a similar situation to you so hopefully you can get some assistance or even just reassurance that this is not crazy and you are a healthy and deserving person!
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 8, 2017 11:48:45 GMT -5
I am terribly sorry you find yourself here. You have been through a lot. I hope at some point you are able to leave him and enjoy some peace and happiness. You deserve it. Thank you. We have HUGE financial and emotional issues that make splitting up at this point extremely complicated to say the least. My company cares about my finances, and lawyers have uttered the b-word (bankruptcy) to me. Such a drastic action could likely cost me my job. And I am the higher paid spouse. Any ideas? Without any detailed knowledge of your finances, these are my 2 cents --> Mentally resolve NEVER to go bankrupt. Solutions exist for most problems and staying mentally resolute helps you find them. Staying determined is a source of power. I don't know if you have the mindspace to read a book but I recommend one called "The Secret" by Rhonda Byrne. I cannot guarantee you will like it but you dont have much to lose. On the upside there is the possibility it could help you a lot.
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Post by mypaintbrushes on Aug 8, 2017 17:27:55 GMT -5
Thank you. We have HUGE financial and emotional issues that make splitting up at this point extremely complicated to say the least. My company cares about my finances, and lawyers have uttered the b-word (bankruptcy) to me. Such a drastic action could likely cost me my job. And I am the higher paid spouse. Any ideas? I'd seggust going on the resources board or the other board and asking this question!! Sometimes this intro board gets so big and daunting that it kind of gets forgotten. Also, welcome, you will find there are some here who have a similar situation to you so hopefully you can get some assistance or even just reassurance that this is not crazy and you are a healthy and deserving person! I think I will do that. Thank you!
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Post by mypaintbrushes on Aug 8, 2017 17:29:52 GMT -5
Thank you. We have HUGE financial and emotional issues that make splitting up at this point extremely complicated to say the least. My company cares about my finances, and lawyers have uttered the b-word (bankruptcy) to me. Such a drastic action could likely cost me my job. And I am the higher paid spouse. Any ideas? Without any detailed knowledge of your finances, these are my 2 cents --> Mentally resolve NEVER to go bankrupt. Solutions exist for most problems and staying mentally resolute helps you find them. Staying determined is a source of power. I don't know if you have the mindspace to read a book but I recommend one called "The Secret" by Rhonda Byrne. I cannot guarantee you will like it but you dont have much to lose. On the upside there is the possibility it could help you a lot. I plan on doing whatever I can to avoid bankruptcy... I've heard of _The Secret_ but haven't read it. I'm currently on _The Power Hour_, by recommendation of my Beachbody upline coach (I am also a coach).
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Post by obobfla on Aug 10, 2017 16:03:35 GMT -5
mypaintbrushes, your story sounds a lot like mine. I have a wife who is schizo-affective and cannot work. Right now, she is coping with some serious physical health issues including cancer and open-heart surgery. Her health issues, both physical and mental, make divorce economically impossible right now. We also have a 14-year-old son, who is doing his best to cope with all of this. I wonder how your husband thinks he can prevent your child from accessing a computer. Limit yes, but not totally stop it. My son needs it for school and socialization. That is a windmill your Don Quixote should fight carefully. I am in a support group for family members of the mentally ill. It helps a lot, although some times the best thing I get from the group is that I don't have the problems another member has. The members go from emotional states of guilt, to resentment, then back to guilt. For parents, it's mostly guilt. For others, it's the resentment. For everyone, it is grief. It's like someone died, and the body is still there. You are welcome to message me if you want to talk more.
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