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Post by darktippedrose on Feb 17, 2018 3:15:14 GMT -5
Today I was turned 34. the only person who did NOT acknowledge my birthday was my husband.
Not surprised at all, and yet I'm still thinking about birthday sex. I have never had birthday sex. My spouse has never done anything nice for me for my birthday. He doesn't believe in celebrating birthdays, unless its someone with a spiritual importance.
Other than that, not happening.
Do others refusers do anything for them at all? acknowledge it at all?
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Post by lwoetin on Feb 17, 2018 4:14:21 GMT -5
Happy 34th birthday, dtrose. If noone celebrates your bday, then do so for yourself. Get a cake and enjoy it with your family! Sexless birthdays are ok.
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Post by choosinghappy on Feb 17, 2018 5:08:12 GMT -5
Happy birthday. It is awful that he did not even acknowledge your birthday. I would have MADE him acknowledge it! 😡
As for sexless bdays: I’m sure I’ve had sex on my bday before but I honestly can’t remember when the last time would have been. Probably about a decade ago. I have no hope for sex on my bday anymore so I don’t even let it enter my mind. Instead, I do other things that I want to do: I take myself out to breakfast, go to a movie, sit in the sun and read a book - whatever makes me happy.
I hope you still did something for yourself dtrose.
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Post by worksforme2 on Feb 17, 2018 8:55:16 GMT -5
I had sex on my b-day, before I married my refuser. Afterwards, nope. since the divorce nearly 2 yrs. ago I haven't made it a priority, it just doesn't seem important.
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Post by surfergirl on Feb 17, 2018 10:37:21 GMT -5
I'm going to go ahead and put this story out there at the risk of repeating myself.
I told my husband that my 40th birthday was very emotional and important to me because my sister died at that age, and now I was passing her. It felt weird. Kind of "mid-life crisis" for me. We were in separate states as usual. He called for our daily 20 minute touch base about the kids and said goodbye.
That was the thing that woke me up. I'd been complaining and whining for YEARS about the state of our marriage, but the fact he couldn't say, "Happy birthday" on a day that I informed him would be emotional for me sucked.
I told him the next day, "It hurt me that you forgot my birthday. I checked the mail and there was no card."
He said that it would've made him "uncomfortable" to say happy birthday because of how he didn't "want to remind me" that it was that day.
As if I forgot.
My birthday is coming up again in 2 weeks or so. In the last two years, I've filed for divorce, withdrawn the petition, and stayed in individual therapy. IT WILL BE TWO YEARS NOW since I woke up. Time for decisions.
Original poster, one mistake I made was thinking that whining and complaining and begging was actually DOING something all these years.
It's not.
That's all I've got.
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Post by elkclan2 on Feb 17, 2018 15:31:37 GMT -5
surfergirl my 40th birthday was a big wakeup call for me as well. My ex did jack shit. Nothing. Nada. Rien. In the weeks leading up to it I'd said how important it was for me and how I'd like for him to do SOMETHING. He did jack shit. It took me a while longer to get out, but even without the emotional trauma of a sister's death, it was still a big deal. darktippedrose he knows you think this is important, it doesn't matter if he does or not. It doesnt sound to me as if he does ANYTHING for you. Please don't spend all of your 30s, as I did, chasing after nothing.
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Post by bballgirl on Feb 17, 2018 15:52:11 GMT -5
A very Happy Birthday to you!! Do something nice for yourself you deserve that!!
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Post by darktippedrose on Feb 18, 2018 1:30:40 GMT -5
thank you. yes. I went out with one of my kids, my aunt and 3 cousins out to Red Robin. It was nice to have family that wants to do something with me.
One of my step-daughters bought me two books. It was super sweet.
Several relatives called me or texted me.
It was nice to have people make me feel special. My husband did not. I shouldn't feel bad because he never has.
I've NEVER had birthday sex. holiday sex. no sex-before-you-leave-town. no I-missed-you-sex.
so I don't really know why its upsetting me now
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Post by hopingforachange on Feb 18, 2018 3:45:08 GMT -5
thank you. yes. I went out with one of my kids, my aunt and 3 cousins out to Red Robin. It was nice to have family that wants to do something with me. One of my step-daughters bought me two books. It was super sweet. Several relatives called me or texted me. It was nice to have people make me feel special. My husband did not. I shouldn't feel bad because he never has. I've NEVER had birthday sex. holiday sex. no sex-before-you-leave-town. no I-missed-you-sex. so I don't really know why its upsetting me now Because your missing out on what you consider to be a normal part is life. :Hugs:
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Post by mypaintbrushes on Feb 20, 2018 1:55:24 GMT -5
Happy Belated Birthday!!
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Post by baza on Feb 20, 2018 2:28:42 GMT -5
surfergirl - quoting you here "...one mistake I made was thinking that whining and complaining and begging was actually DOING something all these years. It's not"Cut yourself a break Sister. There would not be in the past, nor will there be in the future, anyone in this group who hasn't fallen for the same 3 card trick. Personally, I spent 20+ years "why chasing" thinking I was doing a superlative job of working hard on my ILIASM deal. There was no doubt that I WAS working really hard. REALLY hard. But I was not actually DOING anything. I was just dicking about on peripheral issues, looking for the 'magic bullet', trying to get my missus to change, chasing medical reasons, trialling scented candles answers, doing anything - ANYTHING - to avoid putting the marriage on the line and bringing the deal to resolution. We've all done it, in our own way. Some get smart relatively quickly, others - like me - dick about for decades.
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Post by james on Feb 20, 2018 12:08:41 GMT -5
darktippedrose, was wondering where you are from? I’ve assumed you are Muslim living in US but not sure why now! Obviously don’t answer if you’d rather not say.
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Post by darktippedrose on Feb 20, 2018 12:40:19 GMT -5
darktippedrose , was wondering where you are from? I’ve assumed you are Muslim living in US but not sure why now! Obviously don’t answer if you’d rather not say. yes I am Muslim. I live in AK. But the sect I'm a part of is a minority, theres very few of us in AK. Theres are other Muslims of various sects in here, but they aren't always welcoming to other sects. But, whatever. I'm usually at home anyways for my kids.
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Post by javba on Sept 20, 2018 14:44:39 GMT -5
darktippedrose , was wondering where you are from? I’ve assumed you are Muslim living in US but not sure why now! Obviously don’t answer if you’d rather not say. yes I am Muslim. I live in AK. But the sect I'm a part of is a minority, theres very few of us in AK. Theres are other Muslims of various sects in here, but they aren't always welcoming to other sects. But, whatever. I'm usually at home anyways for my kids. Regrettably for all religions - the leaders of sects' are not much different than politicians voting along party lines to maintain walls dividing people than working for people. I will refrain from more comments on this - not to entice a religious discussion on this forum.
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gashino
New Member
Posts: 10
Age Range: 41-45
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Post by gashino on Sept 21, 2018 11:26:46 GMT -5
Today I was turned 34. the only person who did NOT acknowledge my birthday was my husband. Not surprised at all, and yet I'm still thinking about birthday sex. I have never had birthday sex. My spouse has never done anything nice for me for my birthday. He doesn't believe in celebrating birthdays, unless its someone with a spiritual importance. Other than that, not happening. Do others refusers do anything for them at all? acknowledge it at all? Happy Birthday @darkippedrose. Enjoy your day! Over the year I have learnt to embrace all the other relationships in my life like family , friends and my children. They do make birthdays and holidays memorable and I drive to do the same for them too.
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