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Post by rejected101 on Jan 18, 2018 20:13:16 GMT -5
Wow big test this one. I love my wife, we do have sex but not very often. Has to be no I’m afraid. She doesn’t desire me. I would want someone who desires me.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 18, 2018 21:06:41 GMT -5
Have to qualify this one. I would marry him again to get my children. Because that's how amazing I think my kids are. The marriage has been worth it for them alone. But, barring that, would I start over with him at this point? No. But I'll again qualify that by saying I am not sure marriage in general is my calling anymore. It's too much sacrifice, too little reward, and too difficult to get out of should you need to. But ask me again another day...
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Post by shamwow on Jan 18, 2018 21:40:30 GMT -5
Have to qualify this one. I would marry him again to get my children. Because that's how amazing I think my kids are. The marriage has been worth it for them alone. But, barring that, would I start over with him at this point? No. But I'll again qualify that by saying I am not sure marriage in general is my calling anymore. It's too much sacrifice, too little reward, and too difficult to get out of should you need to. But ask me again another day... Which is why the institution exits... Because of children. It's also why so many marriages end when the kids leave.
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Post by shamwow on Jan 18, 2018 21:44:59 GMT -5
I answer the question with a question of my own:
If a fish found its lip pierced by a hook and was miraculously released, would it willingly bite that same baited hook again?
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Post by choosinghappy on Jan 18, 2018 22:14:15 GMT -5
No.
The act of divorcing, itself, is a large part of what is keeping me holding on. If I woke up tomorrow already divorced I would feel relief to already be through that huge hurdle.
Edited to add: And when I don't lie to myself, I think the sense of relief I would feel is also related to having the decision already MADE instead of continuing to question what the best course of action is.
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Post by carl on Jan 18, 2018 22:41:25 GMT -5
Yes, if I went back in time to who I was when we met. I was quite young and a bit of a trouble maker. It was the best thing for me to get married looking back. But I have developed so much now and become more switched on so now no, I would look for someone I felt more kindness from, and I would want someone who was more in touch with their body and with sex. If I went back in time and I was the person I am now, I would hope for something different. But I wouldn’t want just another relationship with other problems. Think I would be very cautious about getting into a relationship.
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Post by james on Jan 19, 2018 3:52:56 GMT -5
No. Took a long time to figure out what she was like. No longer about sex but about lack of ability to talk/negotiate. Now I know what she's like- wouldn't touch her with a bargepole. Shame it takes being married to find out the truth- no other way I guess.
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Post by shamwow on Jan 19, 2018 6:06:19 GMT -5
Would that mean I would have been a 44 year old virgin?
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Post by jim44444 on Jan 19, 2018 7:02:31 GMT -5
Nope.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 19, 2018 7:52:35 GMT -5
Would that mean I would have been a 44 year old virgin? There should be a length of time without sex where we can say that we have fully restored our virginity, and/or we should come up with an appropriate term to refer to that situation. Born again virgin? Revirgined? Reflowered?
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Post by brian on Jan 19, 2018 8:45:45 GMT -5
Would that mean I would have been a 44 year old virgin? There should be a length of time without sex where we can say that we have fully restored our virginity, and/or we should come up with an appropriate term to refer to that situation. Born again virgin? Revirgined? Reflowered? What if you have had sex, but haven’t had an orgasm? 2 months on the first item, 12 years on the second (not counting self-induced)
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Post by WindSister on Jan 19, 2018 9:20:22 GMT -5
I shouldn't even answer because I think my answer is obvious.
Ex - no. Infact, when you are actually secretly hoping he cheats and leaves you, it's well past DONE. This type of questioning is what drove me to leave.
My husband now, the thought of losing him devastates me. Too much so, I actually hate it. Attachment. OUCH. Yes, I would marry my husband now again.
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Post by shamwow on Jan 19, 2018 9:55:22 GMT -5
I shouldn't even answer because I think my answer is obvious. Ex - no. Infact, when you are actually secretly hoping he cheats and leaves you, it's well past DONE. This type of questioning is what drove me to leave. My husband now, the thought of losing him devastates me. Too much so, I actually hate it. Attachment. OUCH. Yes, I would marry my husband now again. God I forgot about that part where you hope they are cheating so you could leave guilt free and not look like the bad guy. Sadly if they are asexual it is only a pleasant fantasy.
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Post by choosinghappy on Jan 19, 2018 10:11:08 GMT -5
I shouldn't even answer because I think my answer is obvious. Ex - no. Infact, when you are actually secretly hoping he cheats and leaves you, it's well past DONE. This type of questioning is what drove me to leave. My husband now, the thought of losing him devastates me. Too much so, I actually hate it. Attachment. OUCH. Yes, I would marry my husband now again. God I forgot about that part where you hope they are cheating so you could leave guilt free and not look like the bad guy. Sadly if they are asexual it is laughable. Honestly, this is one of my fears: That although every sign points to my H being asexual (and he has even said so himself) that he would either cheat on me or couple with someone else soon after we split. Either of these scenarios would end up making me feel like a bag of shit since it's taken me years to truly realize this SM is because of HIS issues rather than me not being "enough". BTW, I realize this means I have a lot of work to still do on loving myself and knowing I am worthy of love, etc. independent of the way he (or anyone else) makes me feel.
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Post by greatcoastal on Jan 19, 2018 10:17:18 GMT -5
I shouldn't even answer because I think my answer is obvious. Ex - no. Infact, when you are actually secretly hoping he cheats and leaves you, it's well past DONE. This type of questioning is what drove me to leave. My husband now, the thought of losing him devastates me. Too much so, I actually hate it. Attachment. OUCH. Yes, I would marry my husband now again. God I forgot about that part where you hope they are cheating so you could leave guilt free and not look like the bad guy. Sadly if they are asexual it is only a pleasant fantasy. Sadly I remember that question during therapy. "Great Coastal how would you feel if you discovered Mrs Coastal was having an affair?" My response was " good for her! I hope she's happy. I would actually be glad for her. That would be good, it would help explain a lot of things, and i would feel free".
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