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Post by h on Dec 23, 2017 7:35:58 GMT -5
So I work in a place where illnesses spread frequently. Lots of people in close proximity and many opportunities to pass along germs. I'm generally able to avoid them because I avoid any physical contact with people at work, don't touch hand rails, keep a bottle of hand sanitizer in my desk, and generally act like a paranoid nutcase at work. This week I was not successful in avoiding it.
My wife gets sick very easily so we don't sleep in the same bedroom when I'm sick. It's a really shitty way to start off our holiday season especially after the progress we have been making. I guess I'm just venting. Our sex life is on hold and she's not to blame. Frustrating.😫😭😤😖😞
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Post by brian on Dec 23, 2017 7:52:54 GMT -5
Sorry Brother h. In my case though, I could have predicted to anyone that Xmas 2017 would be sexless for me... in 2009
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Post by h on Dec 23, 2017 8:07:49 GMT -5
Sorry Brother h. In my case though, I could have predicted to anyone that Xmas 2017 would be sexless for me... in 2009 Last year I would have said the same. After our first Christmas as a married couple, where sex wasn't even discussed, I would have said the same. Things are just starting to work out this year after much effort and argument leading here and now this... I hate my job!
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Post by hopingforachange on Dec 23, 2017 8:29:34 GMT -5
It sucks how our partners shut down when ever there is a bump in the road. I wouldn't enjoy cuddling and being with my partner even when she or myself are sick. The W has a don't touch me aurora when she is sick. And she gets sick easily so I'm essentially in quarantine when I'm sick.
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Post by M2G on Dec 23, 2017 8:30:47 GMT -5
New words to Merry Little Christmas: Have yourself a merry fucking Christmas No sex for you Don't feel bad cause Santa's got a dry one too Have yourself a sexless fucking Christmas Turns out your partner's gay When you met you should have fucking run away (Now someone please finish it - it's suddenly not funny anymore )
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Post by h on Dec 23, 2017 8:39:45 GMT -5
It sucks how our partners shut down when ever there is a bump in the road. I wouldn't enjoy cuddling and being with my partner even when she or myself are sick. The W has a don't touch me aurora when she is sick. And she gets sick easily so I'm essentially in quarantine when I'm sick. I don't fault her for avoiding me when I'm sick. She has had a weak immune system for years now due to past health issues. It just sucks! I don't mind being around her when she's sick but I don't get sick as easily as she does. I just don't want to lose the momentum we were building. I feel like if we take a break for me to get better, she won't want to start things back up when I am.
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Post by greatcoastal on Dec 23, 2017 12:40:28 GMT -5
It sucks how our partners shut down when ever there is a bump in the road. I wouldn't enjoy cuddling and being with my partner even when she or myself are sick. The W has a don't touch me aurora when she is sick. And she gets sick easily so I'm essentially in quarantine when I'm sick. I don't fault her for avoiding me when I'm sick. She has had a weak immune system for years now due to past health issues. It just sucks! I don't mind being around her when she's sick but I don't get sick as easily as she does. I just don't want to lose the momentum we were building. I feel like if we take a break for me to get better, she won't want to start things back up when I am. Here's a question for you, if things are that fragile, then your progress is the wrong kind. Don't you think? Feel better soon friend!!
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Post by Deleted on Dec 23, 2017 22:19:14 GMT -5
I don't fault her for avoiding me when I'm sick. She has had a weak immune system for years now due to past health issues. It just sucks! I don't mind being around her when she's sick but I don't get sick as easily as she does. I just don't want to lose the momentum we were building. I feel like if we take a break for me to get better, she won't want to start things back up when I am. Perhaps this is a good time to show a huge amount of appreciation for anything she does for you when you are sick, write her notes, and think of other non-touching intimacy you can (email virtual hugs and kisses, maybe even cybersex if you have gotten to that point....) Even letting her know how much you want to touch her might be nice,again depending on where your relationship is at. Setbacks can foster creativity.
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Post by h on Dec 24, 2017 10:43:57 GMT -5
I don't fault her for avoiding me when I'm sick. She has had a weak immune system for years now due to past health issues. It just sucks! I don't mind being around her when she's sick but I don't get sick as easily as she does. I just don't want to lose the momentum we were building. I feel like if we take a break for me to get better, she won't want to start things back up when I am. Perhaps this is a good time to show a huge amount of appreciation for anything she does for you when you are sick, write her notes, and think of other non-touching intimacy you can (email virtual hugs and kisses, maybe even cybersex if you have gotten to that point....) Even letting her know how much you want to touch her might be nice,again depending on where your relationship is at. Setbacks can foster creativity. She doesn't take care of me when I'm sick. She avoids being around me as much as possible to avoid getting sick. Also, no on the creativity, cyber sex, or any non-standard form of sexual anything. I have no options other than to wait until my cold has passed.
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Post by northstarmom on Dec 24, 2017 11:19:44 GMT -5
" She doesn't take care of me when I'm sick. She avoids being around me as much as possible to avoid getting sick. Also, no on the creativity, cyber sex, or any non-standard form of sexual anything. I have no options other than to wait until my cold has passed."
Most wives outlive their husbands so end up being their husband's caregivers. Have you thought about the implications of this for you?
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Post by Caris on Dec 24, 2017 12:51:23 GMT -5
New words to Merry Little Christmas: Have yourself a merry fucking Christmas No sex for you Don't feel bad cause Santa's got a dry one too Have yourself a sexless fucking Christmas Turns out your partner's gay When you met you should have fucking run away (Now someone please finish it - it's suddenly not funny anymore ) Then why am I laughing? Humor can be found, even, in misery sometimes, but I know what you mean.
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Post by Caris on Dec 24, 2017 12:57:39 GMT -5
I don't fault her for avoiding me when I'm sick. She has had a weak immune system for years now due to past health issues. It just sucks! I don't mind being around her when she's sick but I don't get sick as easily as she does. I just don't want to lose the momentum we were building. I feel like if we take a break for me to get better, she won't want to start things back up when I am. Here's a question for you, if things are that fragile, then your progress is the wrong kind. Don't you think? Feel better soon friend!! GC, any kind of healing is fragile. A physical wound, a mental wound, a rocky relationship. It takes effort, hard work, and persistence, but even apart from this, “ h” is feeling an anxiety to be expected. Anyone going through a SM, then finding some sure footing will be anxious at any little set back. The SM has created insecurities in us. This is normal under the circumstances.
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Post by Caris on Dec 24, 2017 13:03:28 GMT -5
Most people don’t want to be touched when they are sick. I don’t, and I don’t want to be near a sick person if it’s contagious. Just think of it as what it is...she’s sick, your sick, and you’ll both be well again before you know it. I know it’s dissapointing and frustrating for you, so vent as much as you need to, and I’m sorry you are not well.
Get well soon. 💐
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Post by northstarmom on Dec 24, 2017 13:18:20 GMT -5
"Most people don’t want to be touched when they are sick. I don’t, and I don’t want to be near a sick person if it’s contagious. Just think of it as what it is...she’s sick, your sick, and you’ll both be well again before you know it. I know it’s dissapointing and frustrating for you, so vent as much as you need to, and I’m sorry you are not well. "
Not sleeping in the same bed as a spouse with a contagious disease: normal. Not wanting to kiss or otherwise be in close contact with a spouse with a contagious disease: normal and good sense.
Completely avoiding them and not regularly checking on them, not offering them appropriate nutrition, not getting them to the doctor or getting them medicine if that would help: heartless behavior that bodes ill for the treatment that one's spouse would provide if one gets a disability or chronic illness as most people do as they age.
This may or may not apply in the situation in this thread: But anyone who is living with a spouse/roommate who is verbally, physically or emotional abusive and/or ignores their basic needs should think long and hard about whether this is the person you'd want to take care of you til death do you part. I saw with my parents what happens in such situations when a partner gets very ill. My parents had a marriage that for about the last 20 years they slept in separate bedrooms, lived separate lives, and only talked when necessary. There was no love left between them but they stayed married because my father didn't want to lose the house and my mom didn't want the embarrassment of divorce. When my dad had a series of strokes, my mother became his caretaker. She cared for him taking care of his needs including changing his diapers, but that caregiving was laced with anger and resentment. My father was helpless since by then he was partially paralyzed and mute.
Virtually everyone as they age becomes either disabled or develops a chronic illness. Think about what that would mean if you are now in an unhappy marriage. Even if you have the generosity of spirit to know you'd be able to kindly care for your spouse if they became ill or disabled ask yourself what you could reasonably expect them to do if you became ill or disabled.
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Post by emptynside on Dec 26, 2017 6:22:11 GMT -5
Sorry to hear of these difficult circumstances. Can feel the hurt in what you are saying... I hope that some new hope comes you way today to cheer you up during this holiday season.
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