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Post by rejected101 on Jan 13, 2018 10:56:10 GMT -5
...and I did it again. I suppose I need professional help. We received a package today (not unusual), and she asked what it might be (I wouldn’t know, she is the one ordering stuff), so I blurted out, “Awww... Did you order a toy for me?” Must Stop LOL! I stopped doing that the easy way: realizing she will say something hurtful like "no." I need to get her a shirt that says "NO!" so as to remember what the answer will be. LOL I’ll get a t-shirt that says... I’m tired Not tonight babe I’ve got a headache I’ve just had a bath and am all clean I’m not clean Maybe I should get some PJ’s with this printed on.
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Post by brian on Jan 13, 2018 17:51:19 GMT -5
I stopped doing that the easy way: realizing she will say something hurtful like "no." I need to get her a shirt that says "NO!" so as to remember what the answer will be. LOL I’ll get a t-shirt that says... I’m tired Not tonight babe I’ve got a headache I’ve just had a bath and am all clean I’m not clean Maybe I should get some PJ’s with this printed on. Or how about pjs that say, “cold as ice. Do not attempt to touch” with a picture of a thermometer with icicles.
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Post by baza on Jan 27, 2018 19:14:40 GMT -5
It's interesting how your marital dynamic has seen you both refine and define the relationship over time. Her role appears to be to rebuff any sexual advance you make. Your role appears to be to then make "witty" remarks about the credibility of the rebuffment. That appears to now be what you expect from each other, and the relationship is delivering on those expectations. And, if the aim is "not to leave" then this strategy you have both developed (consciously or by accident) seems to be working quite well Brother brian .
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Post by brian on Jan 27, 2018 19:42:00 GMT -5
It's interesting how your marital dynamic has seen you both refine and define the relationship over time. Her role appears to be to rebuff any sexual advance you make. Your role appears to be to then make "witty" remarks about the credibility of the rebuffment. That appears to now be what you expect from each other, and the relationship is delivering on those expectations. And, if the aim is "not to leave" then this strategy you have both developed (consciously or by accident) seems to be working quite well Brother brian . Yep! So well that I am calling lawyers this coming week!
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Post by baza on Jan 27, 2018 19:50:39 GMT -5
It's interesting how your marital dynamic has seen you both refine and define the relationship over time. Her role appears to be to rebuff any sexual advance you make. Your role appears to be to then make "witty" remarks about the credibility of the rebuffment. That appears to now be what you expect from each other, and the relationship is delivering on those expectations. And, if the aim is "not to leave" then this strategy you have both developed (consciously or by accident) seems to be working quite well Brother brian . Yep! So well that I am calling lawyers this coming week! Depending on what you find out from your lawyer, and what you might then be prepared to do in light of that information, the assigned roles in the dynamic may be in for a huge shake up Brother brian . That could be a real good thing.
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Post by brian on Jan 27, 2018 19:58:05 GMT -5
Yep! So well that I am calling lawyers this coming week! Depending on what you find out from your lawyer, and what you might then be prepared to do in light of that information, the assigned roles in the dynamic may be in for a huge shake up Brother brian . That could be a real good thing. Kind of looking forward to it
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Post by saarinista on Jan 27, 2018 20:01:49 GMT -5
brian Sounds like a good call. When you get to the point of making refusal answer t shirts, things are definitely bad. Hope your call is successful.
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Post by rejected101 on Jan 28, 2018 10:16:49 GMT -5
I posted on another thread about my roomie feeling "pressure" from me about sex. I reposted that below. Long story short, I vowed to simply not mention, allude to, or make any gestures that might have any sexual connotation. Why? Simply to feed my perverse need to know how long before she noticed or made a comment. Well, I have to say that I failed last night... after 9 days of ZERO sexual anything, something that was said I couldn't simply let it slide because my humorous ironic side just burst out. Right before Thanksgiving, my roomie asked me to pick up some wine to replenish our dwindling stock of white wine, so I went shopping. I picked out a few bottles, brought them home, and put them away in the pantry. Fast forward to this past week, and I put the last of those bottles in the refrigerator to chill. Roomie pulls it out last night and comments on the label... Ménage à Trois... so I asked her if she would like some Ménage à Trois tonight, then felt I needed to apologize. She asked why I needed to apologize, so I explained that it was because I didn't want to pressure her. I got a look and a "haha" out of her. I just couldn't let the opportunity pass. Your mistake in my opinion was the apology unless of course it was an apology that was made in a very very clear sarcastic tone. Again I recently took the opportunity to have a little laugh myself the other day when my wife mentioned the fact that having drunk quite a bit over Christmas, we have both almost completed a ‘dry january’. I had to respond with sarcasm that February and March were likely to be dry as well. Little win!
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Post by rejected101 on Jan 28, 2018 10:18:46 GMT -5
brian, my prediction... nothing will come from your efforts. Been there, tried that. No pressure = you must be content with the situation. She's not going to suddenly realize "Hey, I feel like being intimate because he hasn't asked in a while." At the same time, she's unlikely to notice. I tried this approach for months in response to similar claims. In a therapy session she hit me with "always pressuring", and when I pointed out that I hadn't made a sexual comment or touch in months, she hadn't noticed. She was mentally entrenched in the excuse, irrespective of facts. And I share your wit. Whether it's because I'm starved or just dirty-minded, I see innuendo in so many things. Then again, I do the same thing with pop culture references, so maybe my brain just looks for subtlety and twists. I can say, it's a lot of fun when you're with a woman who thinks similarly and gets your humor; W ain't one of them. Perfectly put DryCreek. No pressure = you are content with the situation.
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