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Post by GeekGoddess on Dec 8, 2017 18:00:21 GMT -5
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Post by wewbwb on Dec 8, 2017 18:10:40 GMT -5
Yes. This.
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Post by choosinghappy on Dec 8, 2017 18:40:57 GMT -5
After experiencing losing my first child I have to disagree. They both really fucking suck.
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Post by northstarmom on Dec 8, 2017 19:29:29 GMT -5
Lonelywifey, I’m so sorry for your loss. I think nothing is worse than losing a child.
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Post by jim44444 on Dec 8, 2017 20:40:47 GMT -5
After experiencing losing my first child I have to disagree. They both really fucking suck. There is nothing worse.
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Post by elkclan2 on Dec 9, 2017 4:01:54 GMT -5
Lonelywifey - I think suffering the loss of the child - I imagine, because I have one living bio child and that's all, is BOTH unexpected intense suffering at the time of the loss AND ongoing grief and pain that is apparently bearable, because you keep on living day to day but you never, ever get over it. Otherwise I think he's right. Anyway, I'm sorry for your loss - I can only imagine what it's like and it, of course, terrifies me even imagining it.
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Post by snowman12345 on Dec 9, 2017 18:32:39 GMT -5
Lonelywifey - I think suffering the loss of the child - I imagine, because I have one living bio child and that's all, is BOTH unexpected intense suffering at the time of the loss AND ongoing grief and pain that is apparently bearable, because you keep on living day to day but you never, ever get over it. Otherwise I think he's right. Anyway, I'm sorry for your loss - I can only imagine what it's like and it, of course, terrifies me even imagining it. The thing is, when you have an underlying process that is eating at your soul - for years - and then add the loss of someone near and dear to you; it is like walking on ice and having a wicked gust of wind hit you and knock you on your ass. The wind keeps blowing and trying to get back up again is the hardest thing. It feels like people are looking at you and wondering what's wrong with you - why can't you get back up? And you don't feel like you can say a word. I have never lost a child, but I did nearly lose my son at birth and he spent months in the hospital. I did recently lose my dad, and trying to deal with that and a SM and other loses was pretty difficult. choosinghappy, I am sorry for your loss. Everyone fights their own battles. I hope you find peace - I sometimes think that is all one can hope for.
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Post by Dan on Dec 15, 2017 10:21:26 GMT -5
After experiencing losing my first child I have to disagree. They both really fucking suck. I'm sorry for your loss. I have considered explaining my deep sadness as to the loss of my marital sex life to my wife in such terms, as I think she would maybe get the depths of my sense of loss: "I carry the loss of our sex life as sadness I'm dealing with as I might experience the persistent, life-changing ache of having lost a child. I think we -- as a couple -- have lost something precious." Don't get me wrong: I'm SURE losing a child is worse. But since I haven't apparently had any other way to make the point of how serious my sense of loss is, as she seems to think it is no big deal. Maybe this might be a tad less dramatic, and still make my point: she very much wants to stay married. She will be very sad and upset if I tell her "it's over". Maybe I could say it this way to her: "Can you imagine how sad you'll feel if you lose your marriage? I already feel that sad for having lost our marital sex life."
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Post by bballgirl on Dec 15, 2017 10:39:30 GMT -5
After experiencing losing my first child I have to disagree. They both really fucking suck. I'm sorry for your loss. I have considered explaining my deep sadness as to the loss of my marital sex life to my wife in such terms, as I think she would maybe get the depths of my sense of loss: "I carry the loss of our sex life as sadness I'm dealing with as I might experience the persistent, life-changing ache of having lost a child. I think we -- as a couple -- have lost something precious." Don't get me wrong: I'm SURE losing a child is worse. But since I haven't apparently had any other way to make the point of how serious my sense of loss is, as she seems to think it is no big deal. Maybe this might be a tad less dramatic, and still make my point: she very much wants to stay married. She will be very sad and upset if I tell her "it's over". Maybe I could say it this way to her: "Can you imagine how sad you'll feel if you lose your marriage? I already feel that sad for having lost our marital sex life." I remember saying that to my husband when I told him that I will be divorcing him. He was very sad and told me he couldn't go on living. I told him that he can and that the amount of sadness he has felt in the past 24 hours that I have felt for years. Then I divorced him.
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This...
Dec 15, 2017 11:17:04 GMT -5
Post by greatcoastal on Dec 15, 2017 11:17:04 GMT -5
After experiencing losing my first child I have to disagree. They both really fucking suck. I too am really sorry for your loss. We experienced a miscarriage. Similar- but yet not the same. There was a period of grieving. Those periods can come back. Things occur that trigger them. I've lost my parents and been moved hundreds of miles from my only sibling. Things my W has shown zero empathy for. Our loveless SM is something that is not shared, but has the same heart wrenching feelings. You are loosing yourself and someone else ,feelings only they are cast upon you daily to deal with. hence the numbness to it all.
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Post by shamwow on Dec 16, 2017 7:27:40 GMT -5
The loss of a child is tragic and a good example of a quick event of suffering you never truly help from. My condolences for the loss no parent should go through.
But I also disagree that long term slow suffering is something you can never recover from. My SM was the worst long term (20 years worth) suffering I've ever gone through.
Daily made to feel undesired, stupid, and as though something was wrong with me, this suffering actually changed the ways I view myself, and not for the good.
In the 5 months since I got out, I have begun to repair the mental, emotional, and even physical damage that suffering inflicted on me. It will be a long process but I truly believe in time it will fade to a bad memory. I will still recall it, but it will no longer dominate my life as it once did.
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