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Post by mypaintbrushes on Dec 1, 2017 16:32:15 GMT -5
I hear this a lot at home. At work, one of the pieces of feedback I frequently get in my review is “You’re very approachable”.
Anyone else?
By the way, I am really struggling today, with it being December, and feeling that, if the earth swallowed me up, I’m not sure who’d notice. I’m thinking of even checking out ACA (Adult Children of Alcoholics) meetings, just so I’d have someone to talk to. This time of year just sucks.
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Post by baza on Dec 1, 2017 18:28:28 GMT -5
Given what you've said about your spouse up to this point - you not wanting him there - would be a pretty accurate statement would it not ? There are a few members here (Sister GeekGoddess springs to mind) who have had positive experiences with ACA groups. Could be worth checking out.
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Post by northstarmom on Dec 1, 2017 19:02:12 GMT -5
.” I’m thinking of even checking out ACA (Adult Children of Alcoholics) meetings, just so I’d have someone to talk to. This time of year just sucks.”
I’ve participated in that and similar groups. The members were welcoming and supportive. I learned a lot including how to care for myself.
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Post by GeekGoddess on Dec 1, 2017 20:16:19 GMT -5
MPB- definitely check out ACA. Just: don’t drink over what changes it may bring about. For me - huge benefits from this group. But I was unsupervised when handling the unresolved grief & my go-to coping mechanism was, by default, my heavy drinking. Check it out. Try 6 meetings then decide if you want to stick with it. I’ll message you about it. In class (on my break) right now. Give it a try tho.
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Post by mypaintbrushes on Dec 1, 2017 20:30:27 GMT -5
Thank you both! I’ve been watching the show Mom (don’t laugh!) and have found it really makes me think.
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Post by ironhamster on Dec 1, 2017 21:40:46 GMT -5
I hear this a lot at home. At work, one of the pieces of feedback I frequently get in my review is “You’re very approachable”. The mantra from my wife is often, "...because you don't give a shit." I never had that reputation at work that I am aware of. I have been known as someone that takes on other people's problems and works either as a team player or independently to find solutions. My eldest is now at a point where I can talk to her openly about my marital situation, and I am pretty sure the idea of me not giving a shit is something that would not register with her.
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Post by mypaintbrushes on Dec 1, 2017 23:15:43 GMT -5
I hear this a lot at home. At work, one of the pieces of feedback I frequently get in my review is “You’re very approachable”. The mantra from my wife is often, "...because you don't give a shit." I never had that reputation at work that I am aware of. I have been known as someone that takes on other people's problems and works either as a team player or independently to find solutions. My eldest is now at a point where I can talk to her openly about my marital situation, and I am pretty sure the idea of me not giving a shit is something that would not register with her. ironhamster, I am a straight-up extrovert in a department with a ton of introverts. Whenever I’m quiet, people ask if I’m OK. I’m actually one of the instigators af work. And my 14-year-old thinks I’m just awesome and says so, frequently.
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Post by csl on Dec 2, 2017 22:04:38 GMT -5
I hear this a lot at home. At work, one of the pieces of feedback I frequently get in my review is “You’re very approachable”. The mantra from my wife is often, "...because you don't give a shit." "It's not my fault that you broke my Give-A-Damn".
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Post by M2G on Dec 3, 2017 6:42:59 GMT -5
mypaintbrushes - maybe it's projection. Or maybe you're coming off that way at home and don't realize it? I wouldn't worry about it - what's he going to do, cut you off? I've heard similar things over the course of my SM years. When pushed for an answer I usually replied: "Well, what do you expect? Probably things would be different if we lived like H & W, instead of brother & sister" or "how do you think I feel, wanting to make love to you and knowing its not going to happen?" Truth is. Tell it to him. He deserves to hear it. If you feel the need, rehearse your answers when you're by yourself (or in the car) to bolster your confidence. Deliver your answer in a normal conversational tone, then stop talking. If he wants to talk - talk. If he starts a fight do not engage - leave the room. If your answer "hurts his feelings," * meh* - you are not responsible for his feelings. You can't control how he feels - only he can do that. Remember: he just threw an assessment of your mood in your face. To me that's a relationship no-no. Don't ignore it. Don't let him get away with that, especially if he's the reason for it. Best of luck
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Post by greatcoastal on Dec 3, 2017 6:59:22 GMT -5
I hear this a lot at home. At work, one of the pieces of feedback I frequently get in my review is “You’re very approachable”. The mantra from my wife is often, "...because you don't give a shit." I never had that reputation at work that I am aware of. I have been known as someone that takes on other people's problems and works either as a team player or independently to find solutions. My eldest is now at a point where I can talk to her openly about my marital situation, and I am pretty sure the idea of me not giving a shit is something that would not register with her. It is a mantra, another DARVO. Personally, my attitude of "not giving a shit" is due to decades of fighting a never ending battle with a manipulative control. A master at reversal, avoiding, and arguing. Hence the zero trust, the zero respect, and zero intimacy. As you are discovering, and asking yourself," what about the other 98% of the people in my life? All the rest of the family? People at work, and friends?" You realize "I don't have this problem. So who's problem is it?". Once that is established then comes the bigger question,"what are YOU going to do about it?"
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Post by Dan on Dec 4, 2017 15:36:07 GMT -5
mypaintbrushes : by all means, check out ACA or even AA if you or family members have any alcoholism. More generally, if you feel you need any assistance with mental health, please see my post Mental Health Care Safety Net. But mostly -- if you are a bit lonely in December or any other month -- please consider checking out Meetup.com. See my detailed post on what Meetup is, and why I believe most ILIASM members need it.
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