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Post by h on Nov 26, 2017 16:04:25 GMT -5
You're never going to hear the whole truth in most churches. You'll only get the PC highlights.
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Post by ironhamster on Nov 26, 2017 16:11:32 GMT -5
It would have been nice if he could have taken that both ways, but he has pews to fill. I bet there are a few other members, though, that are starting to fill in the blanks, though.
When my wife and I were looking for a church, at one that we were considering, the pastor pointed out the usage rates of internet porn among Christian men and blamed it on their wives not being intimate with them. My wife refused to go back. We had an argument about that. I said the pastor was right and she insisted that it was the man's actions and the responsibility fell upon him.
At our current church, out pastor delivered a line, when talking about his past, his conversion, and his wife, that "Christian married sex is the best sex ever." My wife sat and listened intently, unphased by weeks of refusal or future weeks of refusal. It was this sermon, like chaos theory mathematics shows the swirl from the beat of a butterfly wing building into a tornado, that started me on my way to freedom.
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Post by M2G on Nov 29, 2017 6:02:46 GMT -5
“When conflict is resolved in a marriage, the intimacy becomes stronger. Without the conflict (and its resolution) the intimacy would not grow and would be very shallow.” I agree with you - I think the Pastor was dead on correct with that statement in the case of two people who are honestly committed to working on the relationship. Without addressing the refusing spouse issue though, it really isn't all that helpful. People that WANT to work things out, will generally do so without the guidance of a preacher. That preacher, just looking looking to have something to say that sounds profound. It would have been nice if he could have taken that both ways, but he has pews to fill. I bet there are a few other members, though, that are starting to fill in the blanks, though. When my wife and I were looking for a church, at one that we were considering, the pastor pointed out the usage rates of internet porn among Christian men and blamed it on their wives not being intimate with them. My wife refused to go back. We had an argument about that. I said the pastor was right and she insisted that it was the man's actions and the responsibility fell upon him. At our current church, out pastor delivered a line, when talking about his past, his conversion, and his wife, that "Christian married sex is the best sex ever." My wife sat and listened intently, unphased by weeks of refusal or future weeks of refusal. It was this sermon, like chaos theory mathematics shows the swirl from the beat of a butterfly wing building into a tornado, that started me on my way to freedom. Wow - that's a fact that NO ONE ever wants to hear - where is this church? This guy has a chance to actually make me think about organized religion again.
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Post by james on Nov 29, 2017 9:25:57 GMT -5
A really good book on conflict resolution that I read is: "Everybody Wins: The Chapman Guide to Solving Conflicts without Arguing" by Gary Chapman. He writes from a strongly Christian perspective, not something I would normally go for, but his advice seemed to be really good. I tried it many times with my wife, not on the SM-thing, but on a different, more minor area of conflict in our relationship . Her response was interesting - she just didn't get it. Did not understand about compromise and negotiation. And that, I think, is the biggest problem in our relationship- not the lack of sex, but the her approach, or rather lack of approach, to negotiation/compromise.
After that, I wasn't going to try the same approach with our sex life. If I ever find a new partner (hope to) I would like to go through this book with her to see what she thinks.
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Post by shamwow on Nov 29, 2017 14:00:55 GMT -5
A really good book on conflict resolution that I read is: "Everybody Wins: The Chapman Guide to Solving Conflicts without Arguing" by Gary Chapman. He writes from a strongly Christian perspective, not something I would normally go for, but his advice seemed to be really good. I tried it many times with my wife, not on the SM-thing, but on a different, more minor area of conflict in our relationship . Her response was interesting - she just didn't get it. Did not understand about compromise and negotiation. And that, I think, is the biggest problem in our relationship- not the lack of sex, but the her approach, or rather lack of approach, to negotiation/compromise. After that, I wasn't going to try the same approach with our sex life. If I ever find a new partner (hope to) I would like to go through this book with her to see what she thinks. I tend to believe that most conflicts can be resolved through negotiation. In the end, nobody is going to be completely happy. Nobody is going to be completely upset. I was having a conversation with ballofconfusion this morning on the way into work. She had told me previously that if we ever had a disagreement that was a "tie", we would just go in my direction. After all, someone needs to decide in the end. I strongly disagreed with this. I'm sure there are some situations where compromise isn't an option (i.e. to pull the plug on one of your kids on life support). However, I think that in most normal day-to-day situations, two people can work together to come to a solution (perhaps outside the box) that neither had thought of themselves. If you can't tell, I'm a huge believer in the power of synergy (2+2=5).
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