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Post by ironhamster on Nov 27, 2017 21:38:59 GMT -5
Yes, but there is negative attention, too. Affection is always positive. ...well, from the right person, anyway.
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Post by lifeinwoodinville on Nov 27, 2017 22:46:43 GMT -5
You hit the nail on the head for sure. It's a package deal.
I guess at this point I am a counter refuser when it comes to cuddling. My wife`s idea of cuddling is to sit next to each other on the couch, or to be in some kind of physical contact like her foot resting against my leg. My idea of cuddling is to sit on the couch, open my legs up, have her sit between them, and lay back on me. Or, I sit on the couch, she puts her head in my lap and I play with her hair or rub her back. Or, I lay down in bed and she cuddles up next to me, her head on my chest, and her arm around me. I can't do her cuddling, it's not enough, I just sit there getting frustrated, wanting more. I would rather not cuddle then just sit next to each other.
You can imagine how sex has been. Of course it's been over three years since we did that.
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Post by dinnaken on Nov 28, 2017 1:49:43 GMT -5
CarisTrue but you can have attention without affection
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Post by shamwow on Nov 28, 2017 11:49:42 GMT -5
I linger on what hugs I get. So nice to feel a female body, a warm friend, a kind soul. I consider if I'm ever in a situation to be sexual with a woman again, I might freeze, entirely unsure what do to. Maybe: not willing to trust myself to dare consider love -- or even intimacy -- as something real, that I might be allowed to experience again. Either that, or I just might explode in to a puff of smoke of happy-sadness. The lack of human touch was one of the worst parts of my SM. The bitter irony of the marriage vows to forsake all others while that person won't touch you is painful to say the least. I can tell you the first time I was with a woman after my SM, I wasn't able to perform properly. It was all in my head, but I broke down in tears of frustration. I had broken free of my refuser and broken my family for this? But those feelings only lasted a brief time. I got pills that it turns out I don't need (but are fun as hell) and that took care of that particular mental block. I suspect if / when you get the opportunity again, you may have a similar initial experience (although my wish, of course, is that you don't). However, if it happens, do not let it trouble you. My advice is to find a woman who is kind and understanding. It will pass, and you will find yourself able to experience both love and intimacy again. It's like riding a bike. A really, really, really fun bike. It all comes back to you.
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Post by tirefire on Nov 29, 2017 21:54:51 GMT -5
I used to hunger for touch and hugs. I never did get any, but it brings back a memory of walking down an aisle in a store, one Christmas. I stopped suddenly, not realizing there was a bear of a man behind me. He managed to stop himself banging right into me, but his huge muscular arms were almost around me. For a split second, that “almost hug” took my breath away. It was the closest I’d been to being in the arms of a man in 20-years. I looked up at him. He was very attractive, but much younger than me. We both said sorry, and he went on his way. I stood there looking at him go, still feeling, still imagining what it would be like to have a man like that hold me. It’s a sad way to live a life, yearning for touch. That was years ago, and I still haven’t been touched, and the thought of being touched makes me recoil. Strange how you go too long without, and it reverses on you. A defense mechanism against the pain of it, maybe. I'm sure we'd all give you a hug if we could. Other than being spread all over the globe, no problem. I know I could use one, too.
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Post by james on Nov 30, 2017 3:51:23 GMT -5
I linger on what hugs I get. So nice to feel a female body, a warm friend, a kind soul. I consider if I'm ever in a situation to be sexual with a woman again, I might freeze, entirely unsure what do to. Maybe: not willing to trust myself to dare consider love -- or even intimacy -- as something real, that I might be allowed to experience again. Either that, or I just might explode in to a puff of smoke of happy-sadness. The lack of human touch was one of the worst parts of my SM. The bitter irony of the marriage vows to forsake all others while that person won't touch you is painful to say the least. I can tell you the first time I was with a woman after my SM, I wasn't able to perform properly. It was all in my head, but I broke down in tears of frustration. I had broken free of my refuser and broken my family for this? But those feelings only lasted a brief time. I got pills that it turns out I don't need (but are fun as hell) and that took care of that particular mental block. I suspect if / when you get the opportunity again, you may have a similar initial experience (although my wish, of course, is that you don't). However, if it happens, do not let it trouble you. My advice is to find a woman who is kind and understanding. It will pass, and you will find yourself able to experience both love and intimacy again. It's like riding a bike. A really, really, really fun bike. It all comes back to you. Well that is good to know, Shamwow, that any dysfunction is temporary. What you said about breaking down doesn't surprise me at all, I think one would need to take things pretty gently after such a long layoff (-layoff! ha ha).
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Post by ironhamster on Nov 30, 2017 4:20:22 GMT -5
It is good to hear that might be temporary. At fifty, I was willing to accept that I was not spontaneously popping a boner three times a day. I was very frustrated that I was not at the performance level I wanted, and also got some samples. My hope is to ween myself off them with the right exercises. I am glad to hear of your experience. It is a relief to hear.
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tori
Junior Member
Posts: 89
Age Range: 41-45
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Post by tori on Nov 30, 2017 6:46:57 GMT -5
You hit the nail on the head for sure. It's a package deal. I guess at this point I am a counter refuser when it comes to cuddling. My wife`s idea of cuddling is to sit next to each other on the couch, or to be in some kind of physical contact like her foot resting against my leg. My idea of cuddling is to sit on the couch, open my legs up, have her sit between them, and lay back on me. Or, I sit on the couch, she puts her head in my lap and I play with her hair or rub her back. Or, I lay down in bed and she cuddles up next to me, her head on my chest, and her arm around me. I can't do her cuddling, it's not enough, I just sit there getting frustrated, wanting more. I would rather not cuddle then just sit next to each other. You can imagine how sex has been. Of course it's been over three years since we did that. Your idea of cuddling sounds WONDERFUL! Who wouldn’t want that??!!!
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Post by shamwow on Nov 30, 2017 8:13:27 GMT -5
It is good to hear that might be temporary. At fifty, I was willing to accept that I was not spontaneously popping a boner three times a day. I was very frustrated that I was not at the performance level I wanted, and also got some samples. My hope is to ween myself off them with the right exercises. I am glad to hear of your experience. It is a relief to hear. I still keep refilling the boner pill prescription even though it is obvious I no longer NEED them. When you've got a lady who can have 100 orgasms in a weekend before finally saying "please stop" you can use all the help you can get
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Post by ironhamster on Nov 30, 2017 8:45:41 GMT -5
It is good to hear that might be temporary. At fifty, I was willing to accept that I was not spontaneously popping a boner three times a day. I was very frustrated that I was not at the performance level I wanted, and also got some samples. My hope is to ween myself off them with the right exercises. I am glad to hear of your experience. It is a relief to hear. I still keep refilling the boner pill prescription even though it is obvious I no longer NEED them. When you've got a lady who can have 100 orgasms in a weekend before finally saying "please stop" you can use all the help you can get Not all women can chain orgasm like that, but some still appreciate a high level of performance, and, for them, it's good to find a hard man.
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Post by lifeinwoodinville on Nov 30, 2017 9:04:10 GMT -5
You hit the nail on the head for sure. It's a package deal. I guess at this point I am a counter refuser when it comes to cuddling. My wife`s idea of cuddling is to sit next to each other on the couch, or to be in some kind of physical contact like her foot resting against my leg. My idea of cuddling is to sit on the couch, open my legs up, have her sit between them, and lay back on me. Or, I sit on the couch, she puts her head in my lap and I play with her hair or rub her back. Or, I lay down in bed and she cuddles up next to me, her head on my chest, and her arm around me. I can't do her cuddling, it's not enough, I just sit there getting frustrated, wanting more. I would rather not cuddle then just sit next to each other. You can imagine how sex has been. Of course it's been over three years since we did that. Your idea of cuddling sounds WONDERFUL! Who wouldn’t want that??!!! Thank you!
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Post by shamwow on Nov 30, 2017 12:00:26 GMT -5
I still keep refilling the boner pill prescription even though it is obvious I no longer NEED them. When you've got a lady who can have 100 orgasms in a weekend before finally saying "please stop" you can use all the help you can get Not all women can chain orgasm like that, but some still appreciate a high level of performance, and, for them, it's good to find a hard man. I take an almost perverse pride in bringing her to use our "safe word". For decades I thought that I didn't know what the fuck I was doing in bed (pun intended). In fact, it was one of the favorite "why's" I chased. The fact I can bring her to those heights over and over puts about 100 nails into that particular coffin. The fact ballofconfusion can make my 6 foot 3 220 pound self whimper should give her comfort she sure as hell knows what she is doing too. Six months ago? Neither of us really knew shit.
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Post by greatcoastal on Nov 30, 2017 12:06:57 GMT -5
Not all women can chain orgasm like that, but some still appreciate a high level of performance, and, for them, it's good to find a hard man. I take an almost perverse pride in bringing her to use our "safe word". For decades I thought that I didn't know what the fuck I was doing in bed (pun intended). In fact, it was one of the favorite "why's" I chased. The fact I can bring her to those heights over and over puts about 100 nails into that particular coffin. The fact ballofconfusion can make my 6 foot 3 220 pound self whimper should give her comfort she sure as hell knows what she is doing too. Six months ago? Neither of us really knew shit. Well,,,you did know shit...-it's called your ex- but I digress..... Nice to read HOPE for the future after decades of rejecting mind control.
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Post by northstarmom on Nov 30, 2017 12:08:24 GMT -5
“My wife`s idea of cuddling is to sit next to each other on the couch, or to be in some kind of physical contact like her foot resting against my leg.”
She wants only crumbs, not worth calling cuddling. What you want is what I call cuddling.
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Post by shamwow on Nov 30, 2017 12:18:25 GMT -5
I take an almost perverse pride in bringing her to use our "safe word". For decades I thought that I didn't know what the fuck I was doing in bed (pun intended). In fact, it was one of the favorite "why's" I chased. The fact I can bring her to those heights over and over puts about 100 nails into that particular coffin. The fact ballofconfusion can make my 6 foot 3 220 pound self whimper should give her comfort she sure as hell knows what she is doing too. Six months ago? Neither of us really knew shit. Well,,,you did know shit...-it's called your ex- but I digress..... Nice to read HOPE for the future after decades of rejecting mind control. Jesus Christ I just barked out a laugh in the middle of work. True words, GC....true words.
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