|
Time apart
Nov 22, 2017 15:42:44 GMT -5
via mobile
Post by mypaintbrushes on Nov 22, 2017 15:42:44 GMT -5
“Two days before Halloween, my husband announced he wants to separate for a week so I can decide if I want a “deep partnership” (as he defines it). He reiterated this Sunday, during a huge fight. “ I suspect he has plans with another woman. Still, time apart could be a good way for her to find out if she’s happier without him around. To fully test that out, I suggest they remain apart for at least a month. When at my suggestion my ex did a year sabbatical abroad without me, I never missed him. I felt free and happy, the same way I ended up feeling when we divorced a few years later. I actually have several friends who suspect he’s gay, based on some of his behaviors. But I suspect he’ll spend the week gaming or hiking or doing Zumba.
|
|
|
Post by GeekGoddess on Nov 22, 2017 20:08:13 GMT -5
Since snark is my superpower, I would like to offer a reply to the “deep partnership” question & if you like, you can use it (no royalties requested). “Yes, dear husband, I would be really interested in a deep partnership- one where my partner doesn’t run off to his office as Forest fire marches toward me. Yes, I would be. Do you know someone you’d like to refer? Because otherwise I’m not sure why you’re asking.”
|
|
maninfull
New Member
Posts: 14
Age Range: 56-60
|
Post by maninfull on Nov 23, 2017 0:18:16 GMT -5
That sounds profoundly manipulative to me. His reasons for wanting me to think about our relationship are for things like not showing “deep interest” in his hobbies and not disciplining our son the way he would. When we’re all home, he tends to spend most/all the night in his “man cave” while we are downstairs. Read my previous post ... repeat ...
|
|
|
Post by snowman12345 on Nov 23, 2017 5:12:48 GMT -5
Time apart is a good idea. As far as a separation, one week is just dipping your toe in the water. The vacation alone sounds very nice and therapeutic. I was divorced a year and a half ago and I learned a lot about myself and some things about marriage in general. Some things to think about are what are the good things about you as a couple vs the bad and are the bad dealbreakers? When I divorced no sex with my spouse was a dealbreaker, we are trying to have a relationship again, enjoying each other's company, the family unit, and no sex with him is not a dealbreaker now it's a preference. Divorce was the right thing for me and for most in a SM but time apart is a great thing to figure out what you want for yourself. Best wishes. Ahhh, now I get why you are the female snowman12345! You are staying in a family relationship while fucking someone else! Well, good luck and Happy Thanksgiving to you!
|
|
|
Post by bballgirl on Nov 23, 2017 7:07:23 GMT -5
Time apart is a good idea. As far as a separation, one week is just dipping your toe in the water. The vacation alone sounds very nice and therapeutic. I was divorced a year and a half ago and I learned a lot about myself and some things about marriage in general. Some things to think about are what are the good things about you as a couple vs the bad and are the bad dealbreakers? When I divorced no sex with my spouse was a dealbreaker, we are trying to have a relationship again, enjoying each other's company, the family unit, and no sex with him is not a dealbreaker now it's a preference. Divorce was the right thing for me and for most in a SM but time apart is a great thing to figure out what you want for yourself. Best wishes. Ahhh, now I get why you are the female snowman12345! You are staying in a family relationship while fucking someone else! Well, good luck and Happy Thanksgiving to you! Exactly! Happy Thanksgiving to you!!
|
|
|
Post by shamwow on Nov 23, 2017 7:31:01 GMT -5
Two days before Halloween, my husband announced he wants to separate for a week so I can decide if I want a “deep partnership” (as he defines it). He reiterated this Sunday, during a huge fight. I’ve been depressed since the fires and have a lot of other stuff going on. I also had nearly 50,000 frequent flyer miles. I’m going on a solo trip as well, in February. I have a friend who lives where I’m going. I need to clear my head and have some time away. I leave four months from tomorrow. I can’t wait!! If you want to run amuck on a budget and don't care much where or when you go, check out www.skyscanner.comI love the fact you can put "everywhere" as a destination.
|
|
|
Post by shamwow on Nov 23, 2017 7:36:43 GMT -5
That sounds profoundly manipulative to me. His reasons for wanting me to think about our relationship are for things like not showing “deep interest” in his hobbies and not disciplining our son the way he would. When we’re all home, he tends to spend most/all the night in his “man cave” while we are downstairs. Sounds like he spends most of his time apart as it is, so perhaps the "week apart" is simply a way of getting rid of the third (you) and fourth (your son) wheels so the cat can play. The guy might be many things, but subtle ain't one of them.
|
|
|
Time apart
Nov 23, 2017 13:53:50 GMT -5
via mobile
Post by mypaintbrushes on Nov 23, 2017 13:53:50 GMT -5
His reasons for wanting me to think about our relationship are for things like not showing “deep interest” in his hobbies and not disciplining our son the way he would. When we’re all home, he tends to spend most/all the night in his “man cave” while we are downstairs. Has he shown a “deep interest” in the things that are important to you?? Not necessarily. He joined my public speaking “cult” (as he called it) for a while. Then quit after becoming disenfranchised to do something else that night of the week.
|
|
|
Time apart
Nov 23, 2017 13:54:50 GMT -5
via mobile
Post by mypaintbrushes on Nov 23, 2017 13:54:50 GMT -5
Two days before Halloween, my husband announced he wants to separate for a week so I can decide if I want a “deep partnership” (as he defines it). He reiterated this Sunday, during a huge fight. I’ve been depressed since the fires and have a lot of other stuff going on. I also had nearly 50,000 frequent flyer miles. I’m going on a solo trip as well, in February. I have a friend who lives where I’m going. I need to clear my head and have some time away. I leave four months from tomorrow. I can’t wait!! If you want to run amuck on a budget and don't care much where or when you go, check out www.skyscanner.comI love the fact you can put "everywhere" as a destination. I have Hawaiian Air miles so was able to use those... but that is awesome!
|
|
|
Post by M2G on Nov 24, 2017 8:07:50 GMT -5
mypaintbrushes - I for one, would be really interested in what, exactly, he means by a "deep partnership." If he can explain that with any kind of sensical exactitude then the next things you have to consider are: - How much has your H contributed to this "deep partnership" do date?
- Does he expect you to change to accommodate his idyllic state of matrimony?
- Does he promise to work with you to make these changes in BOTH of you? Do you reasonably expect he's capable of that?
- Does he (and this is the tough one) expect you conform to his expectations while, on his end, he maintains the status quo?
Food for thought. Best wishes.
|
|
|
Post by ironhamster on Nov 24, 2017 9:32:19 GMT -5
It reminds of the first failed marriage of one of my contemporaries. The guy compiled and presented a list of things he wanted his wife to change about herself, but he had no interest in changing anything about himself. She wisely decided she'd be happier just changing her marriage status instead.
|
|
|
Post by M2G on Nov 24, 2017 10:52:36 GMT -5
It reminds of the first failed marriage of one of my contemporaries. The guy compiled and presented a list of things he wanted his wife to change about herself, but he had no interest in changing anything about himself. She wisely decided she'd be happier just changing her marriage status instead. LOL - I think any partner with any self esteem at all would send a "listmaker" out with a boot in the ass, and the list shoved up it.
|
|
|
Time apart
Nov 24, 2017 11:17:39 GMT -5
via mobile
M2G likes this
Post by ironhamster on Nov 24, 2017 11:17:39 GMT -5
^^^^^^ (standing ovation)
|
|
|
Post by Apocrypha on Nov 24, 2017 14:58:57 GMT -5
He's contemplating an affair. The arrangements are made already. When you come back, if it doesn't work out for him - either doesn't happen or is not satisfactory, he will confess the affair to you and that he has "chosen" you. It will be positioned as a victory for your love and commitment.
|
|
|
Post by mypaintbrushes on Nov 24, 2017 22:55:46 GMT -5
We had a long discussion today. He says he’s committed to bejng “the best husband” he can be, yet cannot admit anything without saying something along the lines of “We’ve BOTH done damage in the marriage” or “We BOTH need to change”.
Long talk. I’d start to talk, and he’d interrupt. He’s otherwise been on good behavior today. From past experience, this will last a few weeks.
We did have sex tonight.
|
|