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Post by Carol on Nov 17, 2017 15:24:49 GMT -5
It’s been a while since I last posted anything. At that time I had just landed a new job with good pay which I hope would make it possible to support myself when the husband and I would divorce. Well, that all turned to shit last week when I was let go after only four months. The guy I worked for was pretty intense and I just could not keep up with him(after the minimal training they provided me). I know it was for the best. I’m not really hurt about losing the job, just what it represented. Freedom from my sexless marriage. The H has made a few efforts to be intimate but I have no interest in being with him sexually at all. The thing is that we get along pretty well and I like him as a person but that is about it. I have strong feelings for another man, but he’s married so it’s unrequited love. I would just love to tell this man how I feel but the fear of rejection overwhelms me.
We were recently on a long weekend trip with my family. We were all at dinner one night. The H and my mom were joking around and when my mom told him “Aw, I’m just kidding with you, I love you!”, I lost it and had to excuse myself from the table before I bursted into tears. My mom came in to the bathroom to find me crying. I had told her previously about our issues and told her they had not gotten any better. I felt so guilty about that my family and friends love him , but I’m the one who doesn’t.
So here I sit again, no hope of being happy with the person I’m supposed to love, wishing that a man who doesn’t love me would, no job and feeling completely stuck in a situation that make me miserable. I’m not sure how much longer I can hold on,
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Post by ironhamster on Nov 17, 2017 15:39:11 GMT -5
I know we aren't much consolation for the crappy situation you are temporarily mired in, but we are here for you.
I think I am new here since your last visit. Welcome back.
Keep in mind, you only suffered a setback, not a defeat with your job. You were looking for a job when you found the last one, and you can do that again.
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Post by northstarmom on Nov 17, 2017 15:42:10 GMT -5
I’m so sorry. I know it’s hard to lose a job and to be coping with an unhappy marriage.
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Post by TheGreatContender -aka Daddeeo on Nov 17, 2017 15:49:46 GMT -5
Sorry to hear you are having a rough go. Its not much we can offer, but you have many ears on this forum willing to listen.
You have a lot to deal with on your hands. Take it easy on yourself. If you had been planning on some self pampering, a spa visit, girls night out, zip code therapy etc, now might be a good time.
If you didnt have one planned, now might be a a good time to do it.
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Post by choosinghappy on Nov 17, 2017 20:57:33 GMT -5
I'm sorry :-( I echo ironhamster that the job was just a setback. Hopefully you will find one that's even better suited to you and you can feel you are on the path to freedom again.
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Post by baza on Nov 17, 2017 22:53:34 GMT -5
Since your January 2017 story, it has been suggested several times that you see a lawyer in your jurisdiction to establish how a divorce would shake out for you. It is not clear whether or not you have done so yet. If you haven't, then my suggestion would be that you do. If you have, what did the lawyer advise you Sister Carol ?
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Post by GeekGoddess on Nov 17, 2017 23:06:20 GMT -5
I remember you, Carol (though not all details). I’m so sorry about the loss of what the job represented for you - but that part, the most important part, the plan for exit to freedom...it’s not lost, not really, just delayed a bit. The experience will hopefully help you grow more resilient. You may ask better questions in your next interviews & be able to discern in the “interview-speak” whether the next offer is really a good one, that provides sufficient training. Don’t feel guilty, if you can help it, over being the only outlier who doesn’t love H. You’re also the only one who sleeps with him & had hopes for sex & romance which he left withering to the point of death of those hopes. Others may not understand. And that is ok. I’m glad to see you post. Sorry this wasn’t a triumphant update, but don’t let this set you too far back. Good luck on finding the next job - and keep sharing here for support. Hugs, sister.
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Post by M2G on Nov 18, 2017 0:08:15 GMT -5
I'm new here also, and very sorry for the rough patch with the job. As you say though, it may have been a blessing in disguise.
Sorry also that your mom & family won't make any effort to remain neutral. If they know the situation especially. You do not deserve guilt; given the situation its perfectly reasonable to feel as you do. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
Your H gets along with the family, because they have no expectations - to them he's just a smiling likeable guy that they see now and again. The family, have not been denied and refused by him. Their opinions are meaningless, from their point of reference.
..hoping the best for you.
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