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Post by northstarmom on Nov 17, 2017 7:27:17 GMT -5
If your husband is threatening suicide if you leave him, he may commit homicide if he learns you are involved with another man. People who are mentally healthy don’t threaten suicide if someone leaves them.
I strongly suggest that you secretly see a lawyer to learn how divorce would shake out for you. Usually the first visit is free. See an individual therapist to clarify your own thoughts and options. And do google how to safely leave a partner who could be violent. Whether or not you get involved with another man during your marriage, your husbsnd’s Suicide threats mean he is potentially violent including against you. Get info do you stay safe. He is a very controlling person.
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Post by autumnday on Nov 17, 2017 18:01:08 GMT -5
Thank you all for your replies . A lot to think about there . I don't think husband is violent . I think I might try see a lawyer . Sounds like a good place to start
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Post by northstarmom on Nov 17, 2017 18:18:33 GMT -5
People who consider suicide as a response to a breakup could also consider doing a homicide suicide, they would t want to live without their mate nor would they want their mate to have anyone else.
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Post by GeekGoddess on Nov 17, 2017 18:28:19 GMT -5
He is not reasonable. It is, by definition, unreasonable to threaten suicide “to get your way” - and if he means it, then he needs help. Either way, he has established that he is not sane & sound. This is not “being overly dramatic” or over-playing a hand. People get checked into psych wards in this situation for a reason. Good luck, honey - it definitely sounds like you will need all the clarity you can muster.
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Post by carl on Nov 17, 2017 18:55:27 GMT -5
If your husband is threatening suicide if you leave him, he may commit homicide if he learns you are involved with another man. People who are mentally healthy don’t threaten suicide if someone leaves them. I strongly suggest that you secretly see a lawyer to learn how divorce would shake out for you. Usually the first visit is free. See an individual therapist to clarify your own thoughts and options. And do google how to safely leave a partner who could be violent. Whether or not you get involved with another man during your marriage, your husbsnd’s Suicide threats mean he is potentially violent including against you. Get info do you stay safe. He is a very controlling person. Difficult situation. Very hard. I wouldn’t necessarily translate a suicidal threat to mean mental illness or violence but would want to get to the bottom of your husbands problems before adding any further risks.
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Post by M2G on Nov 18, 2017 0:33:39 GMT -5
Threats of suicide should always be taken seriously. Its not a joke. Think of it like the person is saying: "I have a bomb in my luggage" to the TSA.
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Post by northstarmom on Nov 18, 2017 8:14:31 GMT -5
“Difficult situation. Very hard. I wouldn’t necessarily translate a suicidal threat to mean mental illness or violence but would want to get to the bottom of your husbands problems before adding any further risks.”
She is not a therapist and does not have the responsibility for understanding or fixing him nor can she do those things. The only person she can understand ir heal is herself. If she sans ton get to the bottom of something, she could use therapy to find out why she chose such a man, stays with him, and feels responsible for his happiness.
If he threatens suicide, she can have in many jurisdictions him hospitalized for being a threat to himself. In the US this is done under the Baker Act: people who are threatening harm to themselves or others are involuntary psychiatrically hospitalized for 3 days. Other than that there is nothing to do but if she want to live a normal life, she needs to remove herself from living with a man who chooses to be isolated, friendless, unhygienic, and not to get the professional help to live a more normal life.
If she plans to leave, she needs to talk to a lawyer and also research how to safely leave a person who is controlling, manipulative and threatened suicide.
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Post by M2G on Nov 18, 2017 8:21:22 GMT -5
If he threatens suicide, she can have in many jurisdictions him hospitalized for being a threat to himself. In the US this is done under the Baker Act: people who are threatening harm to themselves or others are involuntary psychiatrically hospitalized for 3 days. Other than that there is nothing to do but if she want to live a normal life, she needs to remove herself from living with a man who chooses to be isolated, friendless, unhygienic, and not to get the professional help to live a more normal life. Side note - my W threatened her personality disordered mom, to stop the suicide threats or she'd make a call and invoke the Baker Act. That shut down the bullshit instantly. However, since no one on the forum can diagnose this stuff, and don't have much knowledge of the H in question, I tend to advise that its prudent to treat those threats as very real.
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Post by Deleted on Nov 18, 2017 10:04:04 GMT -5
Thank you all for your replies . A lot to think about there . I don't think husband is violent . I think I might try see a lawyer . Sounds like a good place to start Great decision. Your case reminds me of one from back at EP that was the worst I ever heard. I was almost wondering if you were her. Husband didn't work, didn't brush teeth or bathe -- ever, and didn't help with kids (four of them from IVF). She was supporting him. And she was afraid to divorce him. And she had a married man she was in love with (client) that she met once or so per month. I suspect having the affair partner made it easier to stay and tolerate what would seem to most folk to be a totally untenable situation. autumnday, the good news for you is that for most women, the affair is normally the first step toward leaving. For men, the affair allows them to stay. Weird how we differ in this. I guess women are generally just stronger or less tolerant of wasting a life. But don't waste your life. Not with the affair or staying with a man that's so unstable he threatens to kill himself. I'm not the divorcing type. I'd stay in a sexless marriage indefinitely if I had kids and could find something -- anything -- to stay for that wasn't destructive to the rest of the family. But in your case, I'd say you're probably martyring yourself. And you're enabling your husband to live a "Non-Life". Hanging around the house with rats in your armpits and green teeth is no way to live. Please tell me you don't have kids. Because if you do, you need to get them away from this man. Boys or Girls. You don't want kids thinking this is how life is lived. And statistics bear out that personality and mental disorders are concomitant with other disorders. In other words, people that are capable of living without bathing or brushing their teeth are more likely to have other moral deficits that put kids at risk. Please consider there are probably ways you can leave him -- a smart woman here called it Engineering the Departure -- in such a way that he almost doesn't feel like he's been left. And you can still care for him from the safety of another house on the other side of town if you're so inclined. You can wean yourself from him so it doesn't feel so abrupt. I'm interested to hear how you fix this.
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Post by cheesecake on Nov 18, 2017 13:47:19 GMT -5
CreelUnion said: "Please tell me you don't have kids. Because if you do, you need to get them away from this man. Boys or Girls. You don't want kids thinking this is how life is lived."
"I'm interested to hear how you fix this."
Me too. Seriously. I feel for you. I knew a woman in a not too dissimilar position.
If you have kids, you must put their needs before his. He is emotionally blackmailing you, which is unforgivable, but kids can see what's going on and they shouldn't be learning from a man such as he is.
It's not selfish, nor uncaring, to want better for yourself. He only cares about himself so please give yourself a break. Don't allow him to guilt trip you into being his prisoner.
I wish you the very best of luck.
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