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Post by ironhamster on Nov 14, 2017 9:06:37 GMT -5
I know this is going to make me sound like a real perv to some people, but, some women really do find it to be erotic if done correctly. Anal might be a workable alternative if she does not want the surgery, or, even if she does.
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Post by northstarmom on Nov 14, 2017 9:11:29 GMT -5
“She may have a very real phobia of surgery.”
Or she may not like sex in general or not be sexually attracted to him. Her refusing to let him fondle her to orgasm makes me suspect that she doesn’t want to have sex with him. For all we know, she may have fabricated her need for surgery. This could be tested by talking to her doctor with her about her vaginal pain.
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Post by northstarmom on Nov 14, 2017 9:18:17 GMT -5
“some women really do find it to be erotic if done correctly. Anal might be a workable alternative if she does not want the surgery, or, even if she does. “
He can ask but since she won’t let him bring her to climax it would be surprising if she’d welcome anal. I wonder if she’s having an affair. Sometimes people in affairs are “faithful” to affair partners by saving climaxes and piv for their affair partners.
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Post by ironhamster on Nov 14, 2017 9:45:30 GMT -5
“some women really do find it to be erotic if done correctly. Anal might be a workable alternative if she does not want the surgery, or, even if she does. “ He can ask but since she won’t let him bring her to climax it would be surprising if she’d welcome anal. I wonder if she’s having an affair. Sometimes people in affairs are “faithful” to affair partners by saving climaxes and piv for their affair partners. Whatever is going on, she seems perfectly comfortable with her situation, and does not seem too concerned about his. If I am wrong about that, and she is concerned about his situation and legitimately scared about surgery, this might be a workable compromise. Wow. Your speculation of her having an affair is an interesting one. It explains why she refuses any reciprocation.
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Post by lifeinwoodinville on Nov 14, 2017 10:16:02 GMT -5
Tough crowd on this one. I have not read every response yet but I have a question. Does this problem effect her in any other way then her ability to have sex?
My wife also claims to have a medical issue preventing her from having sex. In her case she says that her depression prevents her from having sex. Apparently when a woman gets depressed the muscles in her vagina constrict preventing peneration, her breasts become too sensitive to touch, and sexual thoughts will cause massive headaches! Under certain circumstances the depression will temporarily subside. Examples are: trapping a mate, a desire to have children, and when gifts of a high dollar value are presented.
Dang depression!
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Post by northstarmom on Nov 14, 2017 10:29:16 GMT -5
Below is from a Psychology Today article on how semen is an antidote to women’s depression. I myself have problems with serious depression. Sex lifts my mood.
“Vaginal tissue is very absorptive. It's richly endowed with blood and lymph vessels. Given vaginal absorptiveness and all the mood-elevating compounds in found in semen, Gallup, Burch, and SUNY colleague Steven Platek wondered if semen exposure might be associated with better mood and less depression. They surveyed 293 college women at SUNY Albany about intercourse with and without condoms, and then gave the women the Beck Depression Inventory, a standard test of mood. Compared with women who "always" or "usually" used condoms, those who "never" did, whose vaginas were exposed to semen, showed significantly better mood--fewer depressive symptoms, and less bouts of depression. In addition, compared to women who had no intercourse at all, the semen-exposed women showed more elevated mood and less depression.
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Post by shamwow on Nov 14, 2017 11:08:19 GMT -5
Tough crowd on this one. I have not read every response yet but I have a question. Does this problem effect her in any other way then her ability to have sex? My wife also claims to have a medical issue preventing her from having sex. In her case she says that her depression prevents her from having sex. Apparently when a woman gets depressed the muscles in her vagina constrict preventing peneration, her breasts become too sensitive to touch, and sexual thoughts will cause massive headaches! Under certain circumstances the depression will temporarily subside. Examples are: trapping a mate, a desire to have children, and when gifts of a high dollar value are presented. Dang depression! VERY temporarily...
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Post by M2G on Nov 15, 2017 5:55:49 GMT -5
“some women really do find it to be erotic if done correctly. Anal might be a workable alternative if she does not want the surgery, or, even if she does. “ He can ask but since she won’t let him bring her to climax it would be surprising if she’d welcome anal. I wonder if she’s having an affair. Sometimes people in affairs are “faithful” to affair partners by saving climaxes and piv for their affair partners. If she doesn't want him to bring her to climax then it's duty sex. I'd rather not bother. Unless: Does she take any medications for the depression? Those meds often have a side effect that turn explosive orgasms to just a " blip" - build, build, build almost there Oh my GOD I'm (all over? Where did it go?) ..Can be an extreme let-down to say the least and, if I was the one that that was happening to, for sure I would take care of my partner but not bother trying to orgasm. Why set one's self up for that kind of disappointment?
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Post by baza on Nov 15, 2017 7:11:22 GMT -5
If your spouse doesn't want to fuck you, any old reason / excuse will do. The reason / excuse doesn't need to be factual. Nor does it have to be credible or truthful. It doesn't matter if the excuse / reason is real or imagined. It doesn't matter if the excuse / reason is total bullshit or Gods own truth.
All the refusing spouse has to do is put their excuse / reason out there, and the problem (potentially having to engage in sex with you) is avoided - at least temporarily. And, if that excuse / reason is debunked by a diligent why chasing refused spouse, then out comes a fresh reason / excuse to stall proceedings again.
The underlying message in these situations is that the refusive spouse does not want to fuck you... for whatever reason / excuse. You can take that fact to the bank.
If you ignore the justification (the reason / excuse) and concentrate on the crystal clear underlying message - that your spouse doesn't want to fuck you - then you can direct your attention to the core issue. What, if anything, you are prepared to do about a marital situation where your spouse does not want to fuck you.
Don't get too bogged down in the "why", because one reason / excuse is pretty much good as another. Predominantly put forward by a refusive spouse to muddy the waters and keep your focus off the core issue.... that they do not want to fuck you.
Few refusive spouses are ever going to level with you, look you in the eye and say - "I am never fucking you again". Rather, they dress it up in the guise of a possibly genuine reason or just plain old bullshit to sugar coat the core message.
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tori
Junior Member
Posts: 89
Age Range: 41-45
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Post by tori on Nov 15, 2017 7:19:07 GMT -5
Tough crowd on this one. I have not read every response yet but I have a question. Does this problem effect her in any other way then her ability to have sex? My wife also claims to have a medical issue preventing her from having sex. In her case she says that her depression prevents her from having sex. Apparently when a woman gets depressed the muscles in her vagina constrict preventing peneration, her breasts become too sensitive to touch, and sexual thoughts will cause massive headaches! Under certain circumstances the depression will temporarily subside. Examples are: trapping a mate, a desire to have children, and when gifts of a high dollar value are presented. Dang depression! Your examples are hilarious! I’m curious ...Does your wife seek treatment for depression? I’m guessing no because then her vag muscles will relax, boobs won’t be sensitive and headaches will disappear. We can’t have that can we? SMH believe me I’ve heard some pretty rich excuses but yours are my favorite!
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Post by baza on Nov 15, 2017 7:29:44 GMT -5
Tough crowd on this one. I have not read every response yet but I have a question. Does this problem effect her in any other way then her ability to have sex? My wife also claims to have a medical issue preventing her from having sex. In her case she says that her depression prevents her from having sex. Apparently when a woman gets depressed the muscles in her vagina constrict preventing peneration, her breasts become too sensitive to touch, and sexual thoughts will cause massive headaches! Under certain circumstances the depression will temporarily subside. Examples are: trapping a mate, a desire to have children, and when gifts of a high dollar value are presented. Dang depression! Your examples are hilarious! I’m curious ...Does your wife seek treatment for depression? I’m guessing no because then her vag muscles will relax, boobs won’t be sensitive and headaches will disappear. We can’t have that can we? SMH believe me I’ve heard some pretty rich excuses but yours are my favorite! Quite so Sister tori . But by any objective measure here, the excuse / reason has worked. Mrs lifeinwoodinville has avoided having to have sex with her spouse. The fact that the excuse / reason is pissweak is a sidebar. However pissweak the reason / excuse might be, it still worked.
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drbamboo
Junior Member
Posts: 20
Age Range: 56-60
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Post by drbamboo on Nov 15, 2017 7:35:25 GMT -5
"Other than coast along for another 2 years and see what happens I don't know what else to do."
Why would you wait another two years? Nothing will change. She knows it, you know it. As someone said said, she was quite clear about her intentions. And resisting touch from you is the final proof. She's not interested. The surgery is a red herring. I don't even see any reason for a sex-or-else conversation. Just find a lawyer. Sorry, man. It sucks.
And by the way my SO had vaginal surgery before she met me just on the hope she would have sex again. She was a single woman in her 50's so the odds were not good and yet she still did it. That's what people who like sex do. The rest marry people like us, schmucks.
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Post by northstarmom on Nov 15, 2017 7:40:10 GMT -5
“Does she take any medications for the depression? Those meds often have a side effect that turn explosive orgasms to just a "blip" - build, build, build almost there Oh my GOD I'm (all over? Where did it go?)”
If that was happening and sex was important to her she’d talk to her doc about an alternate Med or a Ned vacation. I’ve been on antidepressants, avoided them for years due to fears of sexual side effects. Avoided then even though I was in depression’s depths and wanted sex but my husband wouldn’t. When I got on them, I never had sexual side effects. I know some people do and are miserable about that because they do love sex and want to enjoy it.
To me, it sounds like his wife just doesn’t want to fuck him. I hope he posts about how their sex life was before pregnancy and why they had no sex for a year after the baby was born. There will be helpful info there.
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Post by M2G on Nov 15, 2017 10:28:41 GMT -5
Wife was on them back mid 90's - her review was: "can't cum and gaining weight - how's that supposed to fix depression??"
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Post by northstarmom on Nov 15, 2017 10:32:49 GMT -5
Despite the weight gain and orgasm probs the meds may have lifted her depression enough that she could have benefitted from therapy to help get her life back on track. Meds could this have been a good in the short term. She also could have asked her doc for a different med without such side effects. Thats what I would have done if mine prevented orgasm.
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