|
Post by workingonit on Nov 15, 2017 19:20:18 GMT -5
Totally baffling to me as a male, how so many intelligent, thoughtful, compassionate and caring woman can be saddled with refusers. World's gone fucking mad. Anyway, as far as lists here's mine: A partner who enjoys sex as much as I do, with about the same frequency, and no problems doing things for each other that both partners are comfortable with. It really does help to hear things like that! I think it is harder to be a refused woman because we are surrounded all the time with the idea that men only think about sex. The fact that a woman might not want sex is a familiar idea. Makes me, as a woman, feel quite defective!
|
|
|
Post by greatcoastal on Nov 15, 2017 20:07:28 GMT -5
Totally baffling to me as a male, how so many intelligent, thoughtful, compassionate and caring woman can be saddled with refusers. World's gone fucking mad. Anyway, as far as lists here's mine: A partner who enjoys sex as much as I do, with about the same frequency, and no problems doing things for each other that both partners are comfortable with. It really does help to hear things like that! I think it is harder to be a refused woman because we are surrounded all the time with the idea that men only think about sex. The fact that a woman might not want sex is a familiar idea. Makes me, as a woman, feel quite defective! This forum certainly changed my perspective about handling my needs and desires in the future. My needs will be openly presented by the third date. Like setting boundaries. If they are not met with an open honest accepting, relieved attitude.....time to move on. Very opposite of my old ways of feeling like a pervert for needing to be desired.
|
|
|
Post by choosinghappy on Nov 15, 2017 20:33:19 GMT -5
Totally baffling to me as a male, how so many intelligent, thoughtful, compassionate and caring woman can be saddled with refusers. World's gone fucking mad. Anyway, as far as lists here's mine: A partner who enjoys sex as much as I do, with about the same frequency, and no problems doing things for each other that both partners are comfortable with. It really does help to hear things like that! I think it is harder to be a refused woman because we are surrounded all the time with the idea that men only think about sex. The fact that a woman might not want sex is a familiar idea. Makes me, as a woman, feel quite defective! Hear, hear! This is so effing true workingonit. The amount of shame I used to feel (and sometimes still battle) surrounding my SM was terrible. It made it really hard to say to myself "it's not me, it's him".
|
|
|
Post by M2G on Nov 15, 2017 23:26:09 GMT -5
Sex. All I yearn for at this point is touch. That is my one wish. This Iliasm shithole is more like an oubliette, getting deeper by the day. I wish I didn't love her anymore, but can't make myself stop. Without the good people on this site I'm not sure where I would be. Glad my post made you guys happy, you deserve it. Not doing so well this evening
|
|
|
Post by M2G on Nov 16, 2017 5:21:54 GMT -5
Feeling better this AM due to some kind words from a very nice person - So - 2 things on my list now: I forgot what kindness actually felt like.
|
|
|
Post by choosinghappy on Aug 14, 2018 8:19:28 GMT -5
Concerns: - He will never truly desire me or be attracted to me - We'll go through years of "working on it" just to learn it's impossible - I'll lose all confidence and self-esteem - I'll have to cheat - We'll divorce - That when he's finally able to be intimate with me again, I'll find I'm no longer willing/able to be intimate with him I just came across this thread again, 9 months later and after being separated for 2 months. In the end the majority of my concerns did come true and I’m still standing. In fact, I am thriving. I decided that Numbers 2 & 3 were non-negotiable: I wasn’t willing to wait around for years just to see what I knew in my gut would happen and I wasn’t willing to relinquish my self-esteem and confidence in the meantime. I remember writing this and being scared. I am no longer scared.
|
|
|
Post by Dan on Aug 14, 2018 8:19:44 GMT -5
OK, I'm coming to this thread MONTHS late... so be it.
Alas, here is where I am: Most of the things in both the "needs" and "wants" list are now on BOTH of these alternate lists that I would make: - Things I'm pretty much believe will never happen in my current marriage - Things that I sometimes truly wonder if I'll never have again.
Bleh.
|
|
|
Post by Dan on Aug 14, 2018 8:21:21 GMT -5
I remember writing this and being scared. I am no longer scared. Thank you for the update... and for that wonderful inspirational art-message as well.
|
|
|
Post by choosinghappy on Aug 14, 2018 8:28:45 GMT -5
I remember writing this and being scared. I am no longer scared. Thank you for the update... and for that wonderful inspirational art-message as well. You caught it before I deleted! I had planned to move it to the Post What You Want thread. But I’ll repost here too.
|
|
|
Post by time4intimacy on Aug 15, 2018 3:14:56 GMT -5
I always find thinking about what is going to happen is normally worse then when it is actually happening.
Glad you are finding a way to move forward.
|
|