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Post by GeekGoddess on Nov 5, 2017 23:33:46 GMT -5
He qualifies as a dolt. He can take pills that make him hard - couldn’t he? Or you could go to a sex shop together to buy a toy he could use to help get you off (my glass dildo is my favorite- I don’t even use my vibes anymore). There are hands & a tongue available. He’s a jerk. Great that he will cook you dinner. I know towards the end of my SM, I made a post on EP that I would prefer having sex & eating PBJ sandwiches compared to what my H would make for supper but forego sex. I’m sorry, but, yes you qualify. I’m glad you will work on your support network. This group is a good place to hash out a doable exit strategy.
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Post by northstarmom on Nov 5, 2017 23:43:43 GMT -5
It's great that you are gathering your support network including using this site as a support.
I am curious, however, about why you would want to have sex with a man who abandoned you and his own young son when your lives were threatened by an approaching fire. What's appealing about a man who stares at you when you shake and cry because you're so terrified? He does little to help you when you are ill. He doesn't help with bills.
I understand you're horny but it would seem that masturbation would be more pleasurable than attempting to have sex with a man whose actions indicate that your life doesn't matter to him. At least with masturbation, you could fantasize that you had a partner who treated you with kindness and also loved you, was protective of you and felt passion for you.
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Post by csl on Nov 5, 2017 23:46:19 GMT -5
We haven’t had penetrative sex since July 4th. On September 16th, we went out to dinner, came home and he went down on me for just a couple of minutes, until he got too tired. We weren’t able to fuck, because he couldn’t get hard enough for me, but he could get hard for his hand. He got himself off; I went to bed unsatisfied. September 24th, we went to Oktoberfest with friends, and after we got home, the exact same thing happened. All of October, nothing. He patted my shoulder a couple of times and said, “Hey, we gotta do something” but not even making out took place. Tonight, he texted me from upstairs, saying “Wanna play tonight?” After some back and forth, I responded with “I want a hard cock in me”. He said OK. He half-heartedly fingered me for a couple of minutes, but was, again, unable to get hard enough to get inside. He got himself off, then announced he had to make dinner. Thoughts? Hasn't he heard of the dictum, "Ladies first"? Sorry, but if he's not willilng to put effort into your jollies, I can't, for the life of me, see why you should care about his jollies. Next time he says anything, ask him what he intends to do, other than jerk himself off, to make sure you are get something out of the session.
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Post by mypaintbrushes on Nov 5, 2017 23:48:04 GMT -5
It's great that you are gathering your support network including using this site as a support. I am curious, however, about why you would want to have sex with a man who abandoned you and his own young son when your lives were threatened by an approaching fire. What's appealing about a man who stares at you when you shake and cry because you're so terrified? He does little to help you when you are ill. He doesn't help with bills. I understand you're horny but it would seem that masturbation would be more pleasurable than attempting to have sex with a man whose actions indicate that your life doesn't matter to him. At least with masturbation, you could fantasize that you had a partner who treated you with kindness and also loved you, was protective of you and felt passion for you. [ I always made a big deal of the fact that I’ve only said no once. If he initials and I refuse, that could lead to, at minimum, eye rolls and passive-aggressive behavior and potentially to more emotional fuckery.
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Post by greatcoastal on Nov 6, 2017 0:37:44 GMT -5
We haven’t had penetrative sex since July 4th. On September 16th, we went out to dinner, came home and he went down on me for just a couple of minutes, until he got too tired. We weren’t able to fuck, because he couldn’t get hard enough for me, but he could get hard for his hand. He got himself off; I went to bed unsatisfied. September 24th, we went to Oktoberfest with friends, and after we got home, the exact same thing happened. All of October, nothing. He patted my shoulder a couple of times and said, “Hey, we gotta do something” but not even making out took place. Tonight, he texted me from upstairs, saying “Wanna play tonight?” After some back and forth, I responded with “I want a hard cock in me”. He said OK. He half-heartedly fingered me for a couple of minutes, but was, again, unable to get hard enough to get inside. He got himself off, then announced he had to make dinner. Thoughts? I'd like to offer you some hope and words of affirmation. From this one description of your intimate times together, your H has problems, you do not. This is not something you will be able to talk openly and easily with just anyone. In case you are having repeated feelings of self doubt, self worth, concerns about your body not being attractive? Let me assure you (without ever seeing you) that is not the case. Again He has issues. I feel safe in saying this due to what i read here and other sights, and my own experiences. As much rejection that I endured, and as my W and I aged, changed, gained weight etc... Her naked body with the slightest amount of touch and a show of desire was always plenty for an erection from start to finish, and beyond. Again you are not the problem. Friend it's coming down to some serious decision time. life changing decisions. Eventually even a rescuer needs to be rescued. Time for less giving and a lot more receiving for yourself.
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tori
Junior Member
Posts: 89
Age Range: 41-45
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Post by tori on Nov 6, 2017 6:27:01 GMT -5
Could he be addicted to porn? Thus explaining why he has difficulty achieving an erection in”real life” intimate scenarios? While my H and I were in counseling, the counselor offered up this conclusion as a possibility for my H’s impotency. Then I later found out he was turned on by lady boys. Just a thought
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Post by northstarmom on Nov 6, 2017 7:53:35 GMT -5
“If he initials and I refuse, that could lead to, at minimum, eye rolls and passive-aggressive behavior and potentially to more emotional fuckery.”
What he is doing to you with the eye rolling is contempt, the worst of what therapist John Gottman calls the Four Horsemen that predict divorce in 5 years. Google to read more. Your marriage is over. One of you will pull the plug. Whether or not you are ready, it would be wise to at least see a lawyer and learn your rights and how to protect yourself. Your husband seems virtually completely checked out already. Finding out your rights is important because depending on the length of your marriage and who earns more, staying may cause you to be responsible for your husband’s bills or even for alimony for him.
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Post by shamwow on Nov 6, 2017 13:58:00 GMT -5
Could he be addicted to porn? Thus explaining why he has difficulty achieving an erection in”real life” intimate scenarios? While my H and I were in counseling, the counselor offered up this conclusion as a possibility for my H’s impotency. Then I later found out he was turned on by lady boys. Just a thought That was my problem after I got out of my marriage. Uh, the addicted to porn (as a substitute for years of being refused any sexual contact). Not the turned on by the lady boys part. But I had problems maintaining an erection the first few times. I got pills to take care of that. Turns out that just weaning myself off the porn was enough, but the pills sure are fun in their own right
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tori
Junior Member
Posts: 89
Age Range: 41-45
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Post by tori on Nov 6, 2017 14:25:32 GMT -5
Could he be addicted to porn? Thus explaining why he has difficulty achieving an erection in”real life” intimate scenarios? While my H and I were in counseling, the counselor offered up this conclusion as a possibility for my H’s impotency. Then I later found out he was turned on by lady boys. Just a thought That was my problem after I got out of my marriage. Uh, the addicted to porn (as a substitute for years of being refused any sexual contact). Not the turned on by the lady boys part. But I had problems maintaining an erection the first few times. I got pills to take care of that. Turns out that just weaning myself off the porn was enough, but the pills sure are fun in their own right Lol! Good for you shamwow and no need to clarify but seriously, from what I’ve read habitual porn usage can wreak havoc on a man’s ability to rise to the occasion. Pretty scary! Guys be careful with that stuff!
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Post by shamwow on Nov 6, 2017 14:50:18 GMT -5
That was my problem after I got out of my marriage. Uh, the addicted to porn (as a substitute for years of being refused any sexual contact). Not the turned on by the lady boys part. But I had problems maintaining an erection the first few times. I got pills to take care of that. Turns out that just weaning myself off the porn was enough, but the pills sure are fun in their own right Lol! Good for you shamwow and no need to clarify but seriously, from what I’ve read habitual porn usage can wreak havoc on a man’s ability to rise to the occasion. Pretty scary! Guys be careful with that stuff! No worries on clarifying. I've already spelled out my own particular issues in regard to this in other posts, but thought it would be good to chime in again.
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Post by mypaintbrushes on Nov 6, 2017 14:50:20 GMT -5
“If he initials and I refuse, that could lead to, at minimum, eye rolls and passive-aggressive behavior and potentially to more emotional fuckery.” What he is doing to you with the eye rolling is contempt, the worst of what therapist John Gottman calls the Four Horsemen that predict divorce in 5 years. Google to read more. Your marriage is over. One of you will pull the plug. Whether or not you are ready, it would be wise to at least see a lawyer and learn your rights and how to protect yourself. Your husband seems virtually completely checked out already. Finding out your rights is important because depending on the length of your marriage and who earns more, staying may cause you to be responsible for your husband’s bills or even for alimony for him. Like I’ve said in the past... I understand. I cannot leave right now. This area has lost 6,000+ homes. I’m an intelligent woman, northstarmom. Appreciate your feedback. 😊
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Post by shamwow on Nov 6, 2017 14:52:06 GMT -5
“If he initials and I refuse, that could lead to, at minimum, eye rolls and passive-aggressive behavior and potentially to more emotional fuckery.” What he is doing to you with the eye rolling is contempt, the worst of what therapist John Gottman calls the Four Horsemen that predict divorce in 5 years. Google to read more. Your marriage is over. One of you will pull the plug. Whether or not you are ready, it would be wise to at least see a lawyer and learn your rights and how to protect yourself. Your husband seems virtually completely checked out already. Finding out your rights is important because depending on the length of your marriage and who earns more, staying may cause you to be responsible for your husband’s bills or even for alimony for him. Like I’ve said in the past... I understand. I cannot leave right now. This area has lost 6,000+ homes. I’m an intelligent woman, northstarmom . Appreciate your feedback. 😊 Leave or stay, both totally legitimate decisions (even if stay is a tactical decision). And God knows, if leaving is your choice, timing is everything.
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Post by mypaintbrushes on Nov 6, 2017 14:54:10 GMT -5
The porn usage.... in the past as far as I know. He’s 54 now (I’m 43) and diabetic. It could be something else...
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Post by mypaintbrushes on Nov 6, 2017 14:56:37 GMT -5
Like I’ve said in the past... I understand. I cannot leave right now. This area has lost 6,000+ homes. I’m an intelligent woman, northstarmom . Appreciate your feedback. 😊 Leave or stay, both totally legitimate decisions (even if stay is a tactical decision). And God knows, if leaving is your choice, timing is everything. Right, I have to lay low for at least a few months. For a variety of reasons.
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Post by shamwow on Nov 6, 2017 15:06:00 GMT -5
Leave or stay, both totally legitimate decisions (even if stay is a tactical decision). And God knows, if leaving is your choice, timing is everything. Right, I have to lay low for at least a few months. For a variety of reasons. Hopefully it isn't because of an FBI manhunt
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