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Post by baza on Oct 23, 2017 16:01:42 GMT -5
The negative inputs of being in an ILIASM shithole tends to infiltrate into other aspects of your life - such as your job - and lessens your quality of life.
You may find yourself dreading going to work (or other activities). OTOH you may find yourself dreading going home, so you throw yourself into longer hours at work (or other activities)
Either way, the work / recreation / family balance gets pushed out of whack.
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Post by wewbwb on Oct 23, 2017 16:03:10 GMT -5
deadzone75Personally, I think you are being a little narrow minded. It could easily be both. (I am in the same situation so I am not casting stones here) Your job can suck and (totally independently) your home life could suck. One doesn't have to do with the other. Now, that being said, a happy home can ease the pain of a crap job. But all it would do is make it more difficult to go to work in the morning. A crap home life makes it hard to leave work. There is many a time that I went for a drive before I chose to go home. Anyway, point is this, nothing is going to change unless you change it. That I've find out. If you are not going to leave the house, change the job.
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Post by TMD on Oct 23, 2017 20:48:30 GMT -5
My marriage makes work a certain kind of refuge. I've ended up working in a job I don't like much. It's definitely not my calling or my passion. But it is better than being home with my wife in a lot of ways. People at work appreciate me and say so. They smile when they see me. They listen and care about what I have to say. I get respect and some affirmation. So, work's pretty good and I've learned not to dread it. That's what I was hoping for when I moved from my awesome job in Seattle. We moved so the W could take on her latest promotion, which left me searching for a job. I found nothing for months, and was faced with depression and a feeling of worthlessness (in addition to the worthlessness no sex brings). All I wanted was a job. Then I got one and on paper it was great, but inside it is miserable: micromanaging, daily lectures, co-workers who don't want to talk to you, no consecutive days off, no lunch breaks half the time. It's like, what have I done to deserve this? All I want is an escape from my crappy home life, and now matters are worse. But maybe it starts at home. I believe it starts with the universal you. Make one small choice to find some happiness for yourself.
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Post by workingonit on Oct 23, 2017 21:02:14 GMT -5
I think the rest of my life, including work, friends, community, kids, dogs, etc, have been a wonderful diversion from my marriage. These things have been enough to fulfill me and carry me day to day up to a point. Like a crown on a tooth- makes the tooth useful but is just a fancy cover if there is rot going on underneath. Now that the rot is really bad the crown is not longer a distraction. The stress and unhappiness bleed into everything these days.
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Post by Caris on Oct 23, 2017 22:34:42 GMT -5
When basic human needs go unfulfilled, it affects every aspect of your life. When you have love, intimacy (including sex), and feel supported and wanted, you are able to face adversity and problems from a stronger position. Not having needs met, like sex leaves us wanting, and stressful situations are harder to cope with.
I think you’d hate your job regardless of you getting sex or not. However, I believe you could tolerate it better, if your sexual needs were met. Your job brings misery, and so does your sexless marriage. That’s a double whammy.
When I was in my sexless marriage, I had five major “whammies” in my life. Having one (the SM is hard enough for anyone), but each additional major life problem just adds to the pressure, and those five did not include events like having emergency surgery etc. Needless to say, the pressure broke me. It took years, but I eventually had a breakdown, and I’ve never been the same since. However, after that, I met someone on EP who became the love of my life. We never met, but for the first time in decades, I felt loved and wanted, and the difference it made to my coping with everything else in my life was astronomical. I felt lighter, like a weight had lifted from my shoulders. I was smiling, and people mentioned how better I looked. All the problems were still there, but I felt fantastic and happy and strong. Of course when it ended, I was devastated, and it took me 5-years to get over him, and added a sixth whammy. I think that was the straw that broke the camel’s back, and I withdrew even more from the world.
My point is, we can cope with a hell of a lot more when we have our needs met than when we don’t.
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Post by ironhamster on Oct 23, 2017 22:43:01 GMT -5
A few years ago when my work was more stressful, and home life was also stressful, I found that my inner jackass manifested itself at work. I was trying to keep my home at peace at the expense of my paycheck. How crazy is that?
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Post by Frustrated1978 on Oct 23, 2017 23:36:51 GMT -5
I work with a bunch of dudes, I hear all about how their wives suck, so that is good. The single Guys talk about all the ass their getting which is good because I can live vicariously through them. I don't have to be at home where the second I'm there all responsibilities transfer to me and it is now my job to do everything while she watches TV plays in the tablet and naps. All wins, plus I get to chat with the occasional woman, that is a functional adult which is pretty promising for the future. I work out side, very labor intensive, so fresh air exercise, if I worked in an office or behind a desk I'd hate my life. Completely hear you brother aguywithneeds. My story is very similiar, except i work in an office.
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Post by M2G on Oct 24, 2017 15:04:13 GMT -5
For sure it distracts my attention, and on bad days really put a limit on my confidence. I'm in sales, so low confidence is definitely a critical area. I would argue that the hit on the confidence isn't the sex act itself. Instead, it is beating your head up against a wall trying to make a sale for your only customer and that customer actively dislikes what you're selling. Ha Ha too true. In sales, you can't make someone buy - they have to want to own, and the client needs to benefit from the purchase if you want to maintain a long-term relationship. It's best if the client likes you and trusts you, also. Hmmm - some parallels here I think - but end of day: you can't MAKE anyone want to buy something when they don't believe there is any value to what you're selling. Man, it sure sounds harsh & ugly when put that way..
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Post by northstarmom on Oct 24, 2017 15:06:40 GMT -5
I have a good sex life and I hate my job.
When I had a wonderful job, but was with my refuser, I loved my job and spent as much time there as I could.
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Post by shamwow on Oct 24, 2017 15:31:19 GMT -5
I would argue that the hit on the confidence isn't the sex act itself. Instead, it is beating your head up against a wall trying to make a sale for your only customer and that customer actively dislikes what you're selling. Ha Ha too true. In sales, you can't make someone buy - they have to want to own, and the client needs to benefit from the purchase if you want to maintain a long-term relationship. It's best if the client likes you and trusts you, also. Hmmm - some parallels here I think - but end of day: you can't MAKE anyone want to buy something when they don't believe there is any value to what you're selling. Man, it sure sounds harsh & ugly when put that way.. Sorry, brother.
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Post by M2G on Oct 24, 2017 22:14:04 GMT -5
Ha Ha too true. In sales, you can't make someone buy - they have to want to own, and the client needs to benefit from the purchase if you want to maintain a long-term relationship. It's best if the client likes you and trusts you, also. Hmmm - some parallels here I think - but end of day: you can't MAKE anyone want to buy something when they don't believe there is any value to what you're selling. Man, it sure sounds harsh & ugly when put that way.. Sorry, brother. Don't be, I found it quite amusing
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Post by lwoetin on Oct 25, 2017 0:40:13 GMT -5
My job is fine, and sex or no sex doesn't make me love or hate it. Problems at home is a distraction at work though.
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Post by shamwow on Oct 25, 2017 13:15:53 GMT -5
Don't be, I found it quite amusing Sometimes that dark humor is all that gets us through the day.
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Post by allworkandnoplay on Oct 28, 2017 0:34:19 GMT -5
Job sucks, independently of home life.
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Post by h on Oct 28, 2017 5:27:24 GMT -5
My SM actually inspired me to QUIT my (day) job. My Mickey Mouse side business just became legit. Of course, it helps that my wife now brings in 6 figures, so we will all have our fill of bread. My reasons: - I had no time to go fishing. I made it a point to take my girls fishing on my first day fully self employed. Didn’t catch anything, but it was BLISS! -Needed time to go see lawyers. Managed first consult on day 1. -Needed to be able to control money w/o wife’s micromanagement. -Before, every second not working I had the kids. Now, who knows? Maybe there’s time for AP while they’re at school? (Not top priority tho) -More time for other hobbies (maybe) although I’m already pretty busy. -Want to gain my freedom while at the helm of a successful business rather than a dead-end job. -We live in a perpetual renovation project. I do most of the work myself. My house will turn 100 in 2 years. Now that I have a bit of free time I am gangbusters on getting this ol’ bungalow restored and ready to sell on her 100th birthday. -What better time for me to sprout wings and fly south? So... consider the advantages of letting your spouse be the full time breadwinner so he/she can support your exit plan!!! Love reason number one! My Dad always says "Even a bad day of fishing is better than a good day of working."
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