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Post by allworkandnoplay on Oct 20, 2017 23:29:59 GMT -5
All my best!
And a big second to serving papers in a public space.
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Post by warmways on Oct 22, 2017 5:43:22 GMT -5
Thank you.
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Post by greatcoastal on Oct 29, 2017 18:13:33 GMT -5
Any news? How did things go? Any major surprises?
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Post by warmways on Oct 31, 2017 22:25:54 GMT -5
It didn’t go as planned or the way I hoped. He refused to sign it and I couldn’t/didn’t want to have him served. I just lost all my momentum resolve and energy very quickly and agreed to couples counseling He’s trying really hard - we’re like good friends still and I don’t know what the future holds. I’m just completely exhausted of the whole process and maybe just want to give up and accept this. I wish I had positive and uplifting news for you (and for me. ) I’ve been so busy with my job, it takes everything out of me. I kind of want to just stop trying to leave. I think I’m trying to regain my energy. Thanks for checking in with me.
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Post by greatcoastal on Oct 31, 2017 22:44:48 GMT -5
You did some major steps towards self preservation and healing. Things have their own way of fixing themselves. Counseling is another step forward. Small steps, forward steps. A big part of "the process" is behind you. You will have a clearer understanding of the legal process, where you stand, and what you no longer have to tolerate.
My hope for you is that you will, see things more and more clearly as you regain energy. The proper counseling can do that.
I hope to hear more about your counseling victories!
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Post by hopingforachange on Nov 1, 2017 7:45:16 GMT -5
Your taking it one step at a time in your own strides. Take pride in that you moved the ball a few more yards, therapy should help you know and stand up for what you want. Then next time, you can move the ball a few more yards further.
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Post by james on Nov 1, 2017 8:48:05 GMT -5
My sympathies, this is difficult. It will be hard for you to find the space and summon the mental energy that you need in order to deal with this if you are exhausted from your job. Is there any way you could reduce your work commitment in order to help with the relationship issues? Not tried it (yet) but I imagine that separating from a long-standing partner (who may be resistant as, apparently, in your case) requires deep reserves of strength, determination, energy etc. Give yourself the best chance you can. Hugs.
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Post by neonspace on Nov 1, 2017 12:55:49 GMT -5
It didn’t go as planned or the way I hoped. He refused to sign it and I couldn’t/didn’t want to have him served. I just lost all my momentum resolve and energy very quickly and agreed to couples counseling He’s trying really hard - we’re like good friends still and I don’t know what the future holds. I’m just completely exhausted of the whole process and maybe just want to give up and accept this. I wish I had positive and uplifting news for you (and for me. ) I’ve been so busy with my job, it takes everything out of me. I kind of want to just stop trying to leave. I think I’m trying to regain my energy. Thanks for checking in with me. I've been struggling with this too. I make the same argument, she is trying, I should give her the benefit of the doubt, I should give her a chance to try. But I always come back to what many people have said here: will it even matter? Why give her a chance to try if I know I'm done. Doesn't seem fair to either of us. Sometimes it feels like a step back, which leads to feeling exhausted and wanting to just give up. I'm just going to keep at it, at whatever pace I can manage. There will be steps forward and back, but at least they are steps. We just have to be strong and trust our instinct.
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Post by northstarmom on Nov 1, 2017 14:17:06 GMT -5
Warmways, taking the time for individual therapy can help you become more aware of what you want, what is going on in your life, and the option that will best meet your needs. Therapists can be especially helpful in reminding you of challenges you have faced and strengths you have displayed.
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Post by bballgirl on Nov 1, 2017 15:47:05 GMT -5
Big hugs, strength, courage, and positive thoughts sent to you!
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Deleted Member
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Post by Deleted on Nov 1, 2017 16:56:46 GMT -5
Hang in there warmways. This stuff is so complicated. There’s no right or wrong. It’s all a journey. I’m on it too! No idea how it ends yet so I’m trying to enjoy what I can of the ride. Wishing the same for you!
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Post by shamwow on Nov 1, 2017 19:09:21 GMT -5
It didn’t go as planned or the way I hoped. He refused to sign it and I couldn’t/didn’t want to have him served. I just lost all my momentum resolve and energy very quickly and agreed to couples counseling He’s trying really hard - we’re like good friends still and I don’t know what the future holds. I’m just completely exhausted of the whole process and maybe just want to give up and accept this. I wish I had positive and uplifting news for you (and for me. ) I’ve been so busy with my job, it takes everything out of me. I kind of want to just stop trying to leave. I think I’m trying to regain my energy. Thanks for checking in with me. I've been struggling with this too. I make the same argument, she is trying, I should give her the benefit of the doubt, I should give her a chance to try. But I always come back to what many people have said here: will it even matter? Why give her a chance to try if I know I'm done. Doesn't seem fair to either of us. Sometimes it feels like a step back, which leads to feeling exhausted and wanting to just give up. I'm just going to keep at it, at whatever pace I can manage. There will be steps forward and back, but at least they are steps. We just have to be strong and trust our instinct. After I announced we were getting a divorce, both of our families urged we go to counseling. But the time for that had passed. The light talks, the earnest stating of needs, the impassioned, crying that we had become roommates? All met with nothing. How the hell is counseling or "give it another try" supposed to "fix" that? Couples therapy can often be the ultimate reset. In my case I flat out told the parents we could go but it would just be going through the motions. I was done.
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Post by baza on Nov 1, 2017 20:32:01 GMT -5
The big downside in these scenarios is that you shred your cred, and go backwards by months. In Sister warmways situation, Mr warmways managed to derail the process by the simple expedient of refusing to sign the documentation, which brought things to a screeching halt, and essentially "dared" Sister warmways to take the next step to make the divorce an adversarial situation. He will assume (with some justification) that he need not take any notice should the divorce threat come up again. All he'll need to to is refuse to sign the documentation - again. And again. As Sister warmways said, she - "just lost all my momentum resolve and energy very quickly and agreed to couples counseling" I'm sure that Sister warmways will get up to the line again for another crack at the issue at some point, but that is now probably months away and meantime the clock keeps running. It's a bad position to be in. Feeling for you Sister.
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Post by greatcoastal on Nov 1, 2017 20:49:38 GMT -5
The big downside in these scenarios is that you shred your cred, and go backwards by months. In Sister warmways situation, Mr warmways managed to derail the process by the simple expedient of refusing to sign the documentation, which brought things to a screeching halt, and essentially "dared" Sister warmways to take the next step to make the divorce an adversarial situation. He will assume (with some justification) that he need not take any notice should the divorce threat come up again. All he'll need to to is refuse to sign the documentation - again. And again. As Sister warmways said, she - "just lost all my momentum resolve and energy very quickly and agreed to couples counseling" I'm sure that Sister warmways will get up to the line again for another crack at the issue at some point, but that is now probably months away and meantime the clock keeps running. It's a bad position to be in. Feeling for you Sister. There is a lot of truth in this ^^ ! Sadly.... that is why I want to hear your counselling victories. Sounds like you could use more counselling from an attorney as well? Was there any communication about WHY he would not sign? You have every right to know,and use it to your advantage. I'm speculating, if your councilor is a good one your husband will do his best to manipulate the councilor too. I hope you will see right through that and end things abruptly by not allowing yourself to be taken advantage of. The other guess is he will not comply to counselling or even show up. This gives you an advantage to continue with individual counselling, all the way through the divorce. I wouldn't think of this as an end. Instead use it to your advantage "never let a crisis go to waste" You took his control away. You see his reaction. The "we are good friends and he's working hard on it" has been posted on here many times. Please continue to "heal thy self". I'm sure you are swamped with work , but what have you been reading lately? What kind of thoughts are you filling your mind with?
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Post by Frustrated1978 on Nov 1, 2017 22:18:28 GMT -5
Unfortunately your husband has beat you down again. Refusers do that they beat you up emotionally. Altough not ideal start to discreetly prepare the exit plan. You never know next time around you might be in a position to see it through despite your husbands best efforts at derailment.
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