Post by awakeforthedance on Oct 31, 2017 11:24:13 GMT -5
It hurts so bad losing a parent you are close to, no matter our age. I am sorry for your loss. Be kind to yourself and grab joys/comfort where you can. I don't want to give advise, but I do remember finding great comfort in searching/listening to new music and walking. A lot. I didn't like being home with my ex as he also was not comforting. That's actually when I started to really grab life and divorce progressed from that point. Take care of yourself. ((hugs))
The only significant loss I've had while living wth my refuser was my grandfather who I was very close to and lived with as a child. My ex did a pretty good job of supporting me. Even had sex with me! More importantly he listened to me practice the eulogy and made constructive criticism and constructive praise. Only complaint is that when my brother and I were walking out of the funeral together, he cut in and pushed my brother out of the way. Wanted to claim credit maybe?
Illness - another story, major job stress, another story. Cold and blaming. An asshole.
We all react to death differently. To be honest, I'm not sure I would have been as supportive of him as he was of me, but I hope I would be now to my current partner and including supporting him and my son when my ex's parents die. I certainly was more supportive of him in illness and job stress than he was to me - by a long way.
I'm really sorry for your loss and hope you can find a way to support and comfort from others. And I would say if your W is good on practical matters, than accept that as much as possible. Don't refuse help because it's not offered the way you want it to be offered, if it's genuine help - take it.
I'm having to really work with my current partner to accept help. He is very helpful, he does a LOT for me, he loves helping me, but he is not so good at accepting help. There was genuinely nothing he could do to help with dinner last night because it was already pretty much done when he got home what there was left to do I wanted to do and knew how to do . He flapped a little about not being able to help. He realised what he was doing and just sat down and talked to me while I worked. He said he needed to be better at accepting my labour and support. After dinner he cleaned up the kitchen and the way the kitchen is constructed I would be in the way for a while - I sat down and talked to him for part of the process. What I'm saying is - learning how to accept help is a process, too - and if she can help you deserve to have that help during this time.