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Post by carl on Oct 16, 2017 0:46:39 GMT -5
With sex being such a simple was of enjoying life in its most natural way it kills me to think that enjoyment will never reach its full potential, for the sake of one person, one marriage. It is so sad to long for something that you feel is in one way or another being denied or refused. I have felt that pain for so long only hoping each day that the next would bring change until the years slip by. Almost numb to my own body and sole I sometimes wonder if I would reduce my lidido if I could. It would be hard like loosing a big part of me ?
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Post by h on Oct 16, 2017 18:21:41 GMT -5
I tried for a while to do that with herbal supplements. It did reduce the feelings of rejection since I wasn't asking for it. It took my mind off it since I stopped getting turned on and stopped getting aroused. It even stopped the morning wood. It didn't fill the hole of loneliness in me though. I still felt lonely, just less physically frustrated.
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Post by hopingforachange on Oct 16, 2017 18:37:03 GMT -5
For a lot of us here just reducing our sex drive was not solve or did anything. Many of us include the intimate physical touch as part of feeling loved.
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Post by northstarmom on Oct 16, 2017 18:50:34 GMT -5
Wouldn't it be easier to lose your wife than to lose a big part of what makes you you?
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Post by aguywithneeds on Oct 16, 2017 20:00:11 GMT -5
What northstarmom said, there are also other ways to channel your sexual energy. You just have to figure it out. I personally am all about self improvement. You have to focus your mind, PM me I can give you some ideas on how to get out of that rut, never try and loose what makes you you, it'll only make you feel more empty then before.
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Post by lwoetin on Oct 16, 2017 20:11:00 GMT -5
With sex being such a simple was of enjoying life in its most natural way it kills me to think that enjoyment will never reach its full potential, for the sake of one person, one marriage. It is so sad to long for something that you feel is in one way or another being denied or refused. I have felt that pain for so long only hoping each day that the next would bring change until the years slip by. Almost numb to my own body and sole I sometimes wonder if I would reduce my lidido if I could. It would be hard like loosing a big part of me ? I think reducing libido is necessary. Likewise she would need to increase hers. Effort has to come from both sides to make marriage work. You can't change her to you, and vise versa. And if you also get oral, you are a lucky sob.
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Post by M2G on Oct 16, 2017 23:16:15 GMT -5
Nope. I have enough personal issues of my own that I'm working on. Not going to mess around trying (as I see it) to fix a broken leg with a band aid.
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Post by Frustrated1978 on Oct 16, 2017 23:37:09 GMT -5
This question has been asked by hundreds here especially on the original Experience Project Forum where this group used to have a membership of over 50,000. General consesus was that its the Refuser that you need to lose.
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Post by rejected101 on Oct 17, 2017 2:58:59 GMT -5
With sex being such a simple was of enjoying life in its most natural way it kills me to think that enjoyment will never reach its full potential, for the sake of one person, one marriage. It is so sad to long for something that you feel is in one way or another being denied or refused. I have felt that pain for so long only hoping each day that the next would bring change until the years slip by. Almost numb to my own body and sole I sometimes wonder if I would reduce my lidido if I could. It would be hard like loosing a big part of me ? I wouldn’t want to. My sex drive in my opinion is perfectly normal. My W is the one with a screw loose. However, what I want and what I would be prepared to do to make me and my wife more sexually compatible may well be two different things.
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Post by tamara68 on Oct 17, 2017 6:17:42 GMT -5
If your libido is healthy, lowering it is trying to reduce your well being to match your spouse's defects.
Not much good to expect from this. And with doing this you basically say to yourself that you don't aim for the best possible outcome.
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Post by northstarmom on Oct 17, 2017 6:33:50 GMT -5
"The Doc was quite amenable to giving me a script to dull my mind (and subsequently quell the urges) last time i asked."
Sounds like malpractice. Your sex drive is not a result of mental illness. It is normal and healthy. Why you asked your doctor to do was the equivalent of a happy person who, because their spouse is seriously depressed and envious of their happiness, asks their doctor for medicine to make them as depressed as their spouse.
You are obliterating yourself to please a spouse who doesn't love you and never will love you as you want. Why are you making such a choice? You literally are choosing self destruction.
The doctor should have given you an antidepressant to lift your depression enough so you could think more clearly about your life and choices. And the doctor should have referred you to a good psychotherapist.
Btw, not all psychthropic meds make you feel bad. I took antidepressants for 10 years. I was no longer feeling barely alive and thinking of suicide. I still had a very healthy sex drive. I participated in therapy and took steps to expand my social life in ways separate from my spouse. Finally, I decided to divorce because I realized how little I was getting from my marriage. I embraced who I am and in doing so realized I'd be much happier by myself than remaining in a dead marriage.
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Deleted
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Posts: 0
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Post by Deleted on Oct 17, 2017 16:45:48 GMT -5
Why are you the one who has to change?
What if your natural level of libido is normal and healthy, and there’s nothing wrong with you?
What if SHE’S the one who’s messed up?
One thing refusers sometimes do is to try to make you feel guilty, by saying things like, “I thought you loved me and accepted me the way I am!” (meaning, accept that they never want to be sexual and pretend you’re happy.)
What would happen if one of us said back to the refuser, “Why can’t you accept me the way I am? I just naturally have this level of libido. I thought you loved me the way I am!”
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Oct 17, 2017 16:59:07 GMT -5
With sex being such a simple was of enjoying life in its most natural way it kills me to think that enjoyment will never reach its full potential, for the sake of one person, one marriage. It is so sad to long for something that you feel is in one way or another being denied or refused. I have felt that pain for so long only hoping each day that the next would bring change until the years slip by. Almost numb to my own body and sole I sometimes wonder if I would reduce my lidido if I could. It would be hard like loosing a big part of me ? I advise against this. I think it is better to lose the LL spouse than change yourself.
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Post by h on Oct 17, 2017 17:39:45 GMT -5
Why are you the one who has to change? What if your natural level of libido is normal and healthy, and there’s nothing wrong with you? What if SHE’S the one who’s messed up? One thing refusers sometimes do is to try to make you feel guilty, by saying things like, “I thought you loved me and accepted me the way I am!” (meaning, accept that they never want to be sexual and pretend you’re happy.) What would happen if one of us said back to the refuser, “Why can’t you accept me the way I am? I just naturally have this level of libido. I thought you loved me the way I am!” This will be my next response. I love it!
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justjillian
Junior Member
Mom of 2, married 7 years
Posts: 28
Age Range: 31-35
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Post by justjillian on Oct 17, 2017 21:20:40 GMT -5
I tried this with antidepressants and hormones. Didn't work.
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