Working through your grief. "saying goodbye".
Aug 17, 2017 10:02:47 GMT -5
GeekGoddess, bballgirl, and 3 more like this
Post by greatcoastal on Aug 17, 2017 10:02:47 GMT -5
Copied from the book, " Rebuilding, When Your Relationship Ends". (pgs 106-108)
Many people are afraid of the grief process because it can seem to bring out signs of weakness or maybe even of "going crazy". It is reassuring to find that other people experience many of the same feelings and symptoms of grief. You can effectively work through the grief stages, overcome your fear of grief, and come out on the other side of your grief work feeling safer and on solid ground.
Write a "good bye" letter to what your letting go. It may be your home, your relationship, or a long ago loss. This is a difficult assignment so you may want to start with something more superficial. Eventually you will grow ready to say good bye to major aspects of your life. The letter may or may not be mailed to another person;it is really for your own benefit. In most cases you will not want to share the letter with the person you are grieving.
Here is an example written by a woman who attended a divorce seminar. It will give you insight into her thoughts and feelings, maybe help stimulate what you would like to write. Read it thoughtfully then begin to work on your own letter(s).
GOODBYE.
Goodbye to the new house that I spent endless afternoons and weekends looking for-making sure that it met all the rigid requirements. I'll probably never find another house like that again. It was so much more than a house-it represented an end to looking, an achievement of a goal, anew beginning of the beginning. So very far away from that place I'd worked so hard to get to. God, I was so tired of searching and so grateful to have found it, and now I've lost it all.
Goodbye to the home we were making for our future. Goodbye to the tulips we planted in the fall but never saw together in the spring when it came time for them to bloom. Goodbye to the plans we made for the nursery and fixing up the old cradle for the baby we never had.
Goodbye to all that potential our new beginning was bringing us.
Goodbye to the confidence and satisfaction I felt as "your mate" - the well - defined role; knowing what was expected of me.
Goodbye.
I've wanted so badly to say goodbye. To let go of you, to push you swiftly and completely from my life as you have done with me.
What is it that I'm holding on to?
Promises
The good old " as-soon-as-we"promises...
Degrees.....travel.....jobs....honeymoon.....money.......
Funny how they changed to "as -soon-as I" promises.
I loved you because you where the other half of a marriage that I needed very badly in order to feel whole: because you where the future father of our family: because I needed someone to care for, to nurture, to parent; you made me feel needed.
I guess I've already said goodbye in more ways than I would have thought possible. You've been gone for a year and a half. Somehow I'm still here, all here: and nowhere, not even on the final decree, does it say that I am now only half a person with only 50% of the purpose, of the value that I once had. I am not trying to say goodbye to my self-worth or dignity- I've not really lost that- but rather, I am trying to say goodbye to my need for your credibility stamp on all those feelings in order to make them valid.
The last goodbyes are the positive ones. For they are goodbyes to the negatives.
Goodbye to the feelings of enslavement
Goodbye to the picky little dislikes:
onions, mushrooms, olives and
my flannel nightgown and
getting up early and
Joni Mitchell and
my friend Alice and
going to the zoo.
Goodbye to your lack of direction and
your lack of creativity and
your lack of appreciation and your lack of sensitivity.
goodbye to your indecisiveness and
your stiffled, dried-up emotions and
your humorless sense of humor.
Goodbye to feeling ashamed of getting angry and showing it,
feeling embarrassed for being silly,
feeling gulty when I knew the answer and you did not.
Goodbye,
Trisch.
Many people are afraid of the grief process because it can seem to bring out signs of weakness or maybe even of "going crazy". It is reassuring to find that other people experience many of the same feelings and symptoms of grief. You can effectively work through the grief stages, overcome your fear of grief, and come out on the other side of your grief work feeling safer and on solid ground.
Write a "good bye" letter to what your letting go. It may be your home, your relationship, or a long ago loss. This is a difficult assignment so you may want to start with something more superficial. Eventually you will grow ready to say good bye to major aspects of your life. The letter may or may not be mailed to another person;it is really for your own benefit. In most cases you will not want to share the letter with the person you are grieving.
Here is an example written by a woman who attended a divorce seminar. It will give you insight into her thoughts and feelings, maybe help stimulate what you would like to write. Read it thoughtfully then begin to work on your own letter(s).
GOODBYE.
Goodbye to the new house that I spent endless afternoons and weekends looking for-making sure that it met all the rigid requirements. I'll probably never find another house like that again. It was so much more than a house-it represented an end to looking, an achievement of a goal, anew beginning of the beginning. So very far away from that place I'd worked so hard to get to. God, I was so tired of searching and so grateful to have found it, and now I've lost it all.
Goodbye to the home we were making for our future. Goodbye to the tulips we planted in the fall but never saw together in the spring when it came time for them to bloom. Goodbye to the plans we made for the nursery and fixing up the old cradle for the baby we never had.
Goodbye to all that potential our new beginning was bringing us.
Goodbye to the confidence and satisfaction I felt as "your mate" - the well - defined role; knowing what was expected of me.
Goodbye.
I've wanted so badly to say goodbye. To let go of you, to push you swiftly and completely from my life as you have done with me.
What is it that I'm holding on to?
Promises
The good old " as-soon-as-we"promises...
Degrees.....travel.....jobs....honeymoon.....money.......
Funny how they changed to "as -soon-as I" promises.
I loved you because you where the other half of a marriage that I needed very badly in order to feel whole: because you where the future father of our family: because I needed someone to care for, to nurture, to parent; you made me feel needed.
I guess I've already said goodbye in more ways than I would have thought possible. You've been gone for a year and a half. Somehow I'm still here, all here: and nowhere, not even on the final decree, does it say that I am now only half a person with only 50% of the purpose, of the value that I once had. I am not trying to say goodbye to my self-worth or dignity- I've not really lost that- but rather, I am trying to say goodbye to my need for your credibility stamp on all those feelings in order to make them valid.
The last goodbyes are the positive ones. For they are goodbyes to the negatives.
Goodbye to the feelings of enslavement
Goodbye to the picky little dislikes:
onions, mushrooms, olives and
my flannel nightgown and
getting up early and
Joni Mitchell and
my friend Alice and
going to the zoo.
Goodbye to your lack of direction and
your lack of creativity and
your lack of appreciation and your lack of sensitivity.
goodbye to your indecisiveness and
your stiffled, dried-up emotions and
your humorless sense of humor.
Goodbye to feeling ashamed of getting angry and showing it,
feeling embarrassed for being silly,
feeling gulty when I knew the answer and you did not.
Goodbye,
Trisch.