This Laura Petherbridge chick sure has a long memory. Thirty years out and she still reckons her divorce was the worst thing that ever happened to her.
I've been out coming up 8 years now, and a quick mental review of my past 30 years leads me to note that getting divorced is not the worst thing that ever happened to me. In fact it was one of the best things that ever happened to me, although it was not a whole lot of fun at the time.
It sounds like she was blindsided. It looks like it goes deeper than her own divorce. All of that pain from her parent's divorce seems to have resurfaced and been magnified. The good thing ( from a Christian point of view) is that she comes from a perspective of understanding within the church that divorce is painful, is inevitable sometimes and that support is needed from church members for those in their midst going through it. Even for those pursuing divorce, there does seem to be a lot of pain involved. People say we aren't meant to be monogamous. I believe we are, but human nature often dictates otherwise.
Post by awakeforthedance on Jul 7, 2017 9:14:57 GMT -5
Yeah, I read it, but couldn't relate because I am not a person to dwell in the pain and carry it with me for decades upon decades (and I have had painful things happen in my life). I guess I am lucked out with a bad memory, a forgiving nature, and a quest to "live in the now."
A majority of our "suffering" comes from how we recall or tell a story about what happened to us. It sounds like her life took off and she is doing well. I am glad she is supporting others and hopefully she is doing so in a positive, empowering way not one in which they blame the other partner, solely, for the divorce. Even if she was blindsided, it takes two for a marriage to fail and she must have done SOMETHING to add to her husband up and leaving. I don't buy into the fact that one can be a total victim. My best friend was cheated on by her husband, the man she thought would be her "forever," her "soulmate" - SHE didn't even blame HIM for all for it. She blamed him for the way he went about it, but she recognized what happened that opened that door for him to do it. How she contributed. She was unbelievably graceful about it and learned so much about herself and relationships. She didn't carry this "I was cheated on" victim badge her whole life.
Anyway-- so for that reason I had a tough time with the article, but cool if others found it useful. I suppose I don't even need to chime in at all, then. But here I am anyway. Sorry.
I love that selfie idea with your former partner. It rapidly tells everyone else what your new divorced relationship is now about. For me that is luckily friendship and the value of having one more person who has known you for a long time and who still has your back in life. I know I am fortunate. He dumped me but in reality he did me a colossal favour.
This whole illness with my wife has led to a new appreciation for divorce. She is not out of the woods yet, as she struggles to be weaned off her tracheotomy and ventilator. A month after surgery, she still has drains in her chest. The case manager even mentioned the possibility of hospice care.
Yes, I want my wife to get better. But I confess - sometimes I wish she wouldn't. I am not sure if things will get better when she comes home. Obviously, her health would rule out sex, and I doubt her attitude towards it has changed. But I don't want her to die. She is a sweet person, despite her fears, and she gave me a wonderful son. If there is a way I could divorce her and see that she was taken care of, it would be great. Right now, I could really use a co-parent. I could also use someone to talk to about all this.
So if you have divorced, remember that you have someone who you shared a major part of your life and moved on. If you have kids, you have a co-parent and you both share the love of those children. You are both alive.
It just shows how different people deal with shit differently. I can in no way relate to Ms. Petherbridge's scribbling. Nothing she says makes any sense to me - intellectually, emotionally, spiritually. I just rolled my eyes and moved on. I could not even read all the way through. But I realize there are people like that, and I realize that I have nothing to say to them, and they have nothing to say to me. C'est la vie. Life goes on.
If selfies had been an option, wewbwb , my ex and I would've taken one on the day of our divorce. The only person looking worried was her mother who had come along with her to 'support' her (in other words, probably ended up nagging and telling her how useless she was). Viv and I were both happy to move on, thank you very much. There have not been any bitter feelings, I just relished the absense of crushing pain for years after we split up.