Personally I would just keep it quiet for a while that you are dating again - the ones old enough to know might suspect and the ones not old enough to imagine it probably don't need to be told.
I like the other comments about PRIVACY and ORDER. Consider just a rule to TEXT in advice to make sure I am there - I could be out on my bike even if you see the car in the drive way (for example - just come up with some reason that is valid too on why they should call first before coming over).
Then . . . have a lock on the door if they might show up unannounced
And then . . . have a big Wardrobe or Walk-in Closet the lady can hide in until they leave or a back door.
Seriously, my feelings are my children even thinking about me dating someone else would be too much too early for them.
I asked something along this a while back and I got a huge consensus at least 6 months before introducing someone new . . . and in my mind that would include too even the thought of their father having the potential to date someone new.
Any how I enjoyed reading the posts and got my brain thinking this sensitive and important subject.
My point earlier is that you can set the ground rules without having to get into "why". While it helps at times for the kids to understand why, there are other times as a parent that they just need to accept it.
Meanwhile, another solution occurred to me... when my kids were young, their house key only worked on certain locks. When the bolts were turned for the night, their key wouldn't open the door. Other times, they could come and go freely.
At the time, this was a hedge against them losing their key (happened many times). Something similar might be a simple safeguard here. E.g., most folks seem to come and go via the garage door these days; there's no reason they'd need a key to the passage door, which would usually be unlocked.
Last Edit: Jun 27, 2017 11:47:57 GMT -5 by DryCreek
Post by greatcoastal on Aug 18, 2018 12:53:18 GMT -5
I'm running into a similar situation. I get asked "where are you going Dad?"
Fortunately I get told what there manipulative mother tells them " I'm going out with friends". That's all she will say. If they insist on wanting to know more, she tells them ," that's all you need to know, I'll have my phone and I'll be home later tonight". I now tell my daughters the same thing.
So now ,I am going out on dates when it's my week to keep the kids. I just can't and don't bring woman back to the house when it's my week to have the teens.. Guy friends, or other families for dinner? That works.
My teens coming over during the week without notice has not been an issue, so far. The odds are pretty high that I will be alone anyways, or not home. If I do want to make plans I have a pretty good idea of their schedules and where they will be.
I didn't mention that I'd be dating. I sort of dropped hints I might want a boyfriend. My son - perhaps naturally - was most worried about how he'd fit into a new dynamic and how a new boyfriend might treat me. When I told him I had started seeing someone and it was reasonably serious - he cried. (He was 10 at the time.) That was heartbreaking. But when he found out there were two other kids coming into the mix he was a bit more interested. When they finally did meet we took it slow. An hour or so here and there. We did no overnights with all 3 of them until they BEGGED us. For a while after that, they would spend one night together and one night apart on a kid weekend. And now they fully expect to spend every night all 5 of us, but sometimes we do it at different houses and they're all quite on board with us all moving in together whenever we can sort it.
As we're not dating anymore, my son will definitely be able to drop in the house whenever he feels like it.
DryCreek stories like the 'mistaken invader' and shooting make me shudder. It's one of the things that compensates for not being in my home country anymore. I'm so, so, so happy my son doesn't have to do school shooter drills. Yes, I live in a terror target city, yes, I semi-regularly have to visit a prime terror target for work. But statistically we're safer.
choosinghappy: Hope you had a great birthday h!
Sept 1, 2018 21:19:34 GMT -5
mrrobot: Hi guys, I don't know if this community is still active - if so, I posted a thread at the forum if anyone could give me some light I'd be really thankful! Cheers
Sept 2, 2018 7:48:17 GMT -5
georgia: Hi...I’ve just joined the group. And I simply need a place to vent and hopefully receive some help dealing with my utterly sexless marriage. After 15 years of marriage our sex life has dwindled to nada, zero, nothing.
Sept 3, 2018 14:48:18 GMT -5
kh: why even marry someone with a high libido if you hate sex
Sept 4, 2018 4:28:42 GMT -5
javba: kh - fast forward 2 kids and 20 years later I have not resolved the problem you're looking at. Now I have cracked 51 yrs, have lesser chances of finding someone, not as market-able. You may want to reconsider "child is 8 mon old" with a 50% divorce rate
Sept 4, 2018 10:07:57 GMT -5
DryCreek: mrrobot, georgia, kh - welcome! I see a couple of you have posted your stories in the forum. I think not a lot of folks use this chat because you can only see it on laptops, not on phones. georgia, please do post your story and vent here. We get it.
Sept 6, 2018 10:29:43 GMT -5