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Post by novembercomingfire on Jun 23, 2017 8:38:18 GMT -5
Maybe it is a good thing she left. I expect every woman is going to have baggage. I'm ok with baggage. In fact, I'm ecstatic about baggage. It means she's been through something, and maybe we can help each other heal a bit. One thing I am not expecting is permanency. No commitments. No shared assets. Just shared experiences for only as long as we mutually want them. Nothing more. This is excellent. I agree. I have an expectation of no permanency. I will be upfront about the fact that I am not looking for commitments. The jealousy as described here would be a major turn off for me, and i would not be able to pursue anything further without seriously considering the damage i am doing to myself by engaging this sort of behavior.
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Post by greatcoastal on Jun 23, 2017 8:55:13 GMT -5
Maybe it is a good thing she left. I expect every woman is going to have baggage. I'm ok with baggage. In fact, I'm ecstatic about baggage. It means she's been through something, and maybe we can help each other heal a bit. One thing I am not expecting is permanency. No commitments. No shared assets. Just shared experiences for only as long as we mutually want them. Nothing more. This is excellent. I agree. I have an expectation of no permanency. I will be upfront about the fact that I am not looking for commitments. The jealousy as described here would be a major turn off for me, and i would not be able to pursue anything further without seriously considering the damage i am doing to myself by engaging this sort of behavior. I like this, but.....I don't know if I will adopt the same philosophy? I hope to proceed with caution, while remaining more open minded than before. Does that make sense? No permanency? Not so sure I want to open myself fully, honestly, respectfully giving of myself, and expect the same in return, without some degree of permanency. 0%? Not so sure about that. Maybe more like going steady. Do people even use that term anymore? Sharing of finances and assets will be a whole different matter! Much to learn, and think about, as we take our risks and move forward in the future.
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Post by northstarmom on Jun 23, 2017 9:04:31 GMT -5
Before I started my post sm relationship, I told him I was only looking for a fwb and had no interest in living together or marriage Four years later, we've been living together 3 years and plan to retire together abroad.
I was not consciously looking for the love of my life. I was planning on serial monogamy relationships of 3 months duration. I truly enjoyed being single after a 34 marriage.
Life is what happens while making other plans....
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Post by Deleted on Jun 23, 2017 10:15:56 GMT -5
I have a lover with passion and romance. He is a creative, intense lover but overall has an even disposition and is not crazy or jealous. I am passionate but not crazy or jealous. It is possible to find a passionate lover who isn't nuts. Don't assume that you can't find the whole package. I used to believe all men who were good in bed also were mean and cheaters. I've learned that's not true. Yeah, well, maybe you found the last unicorn.
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Post by becca on Jun 23, 2017 10:33:10 GMT -5
I have a lover with passion and romance. He is a creative, intense lover but overall has an even disposition and is not crazy or jealous. I am passionate but not crazy or jealous. It is possible to find a passionate lover who isn't nuts. Don't assume that you can't find the whole package. I used to believe all men who were good in bed also were mean and cheaters. I've learned that's not true. Yeah, well, maybe you found the last unicorn. I really hope that isn't true, Smartkat!
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Post by McRoomMate on Jun 23, 2017 19:06:54 GMT -5
The posts here have been excellent and the meandering on this thread and the other things addressed. Insights experiences, etc.
It all adds up why YOU ALL make this the best damn forum in the whole freaking Internet.
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Post by ironhamster on Jun 24, 2017 2:14:50 GMT -5
I have a lover with passion and romance. He is a creative, intense lover but overall has an even disposition and is not crazy or jealous. I am passionate but not crazy or jealous. It is possible to find a passionate lover who isn't nuts. Don't assume that you can't find the whole package. I used to believe all men who were good in bed also were mean and cheaters. I've learned that's not true. Yeah, well, maybe you found the last unicorn. Do any of my more explicit posts sound like I don't know what I am doing? I've been in this shit hole, faithfully, for 23 years, and, the first eight and a half I was surrounded by loose women. Unicorns are out there.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 24, 2017 9:01:47 GMT -5
Except, ironhamster, you are still in your SM. So you aren't available; and so, no more help to me than the dozens of attractive but happily married men I see every day. So, you aren't a unicorn. A unicorn by definition is rare. That would mean: 1) he & I are available at the same time and 2) we both want each other.
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Post by ironhamster on Jun 24, 2017 9:06:04 GMT -5
I'm just saying, not every guy that has the drive, the desire, the equipment, and the ability to connect is a philanderer. Not until his LL wife breaks him, anyway.
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Post by Caris on Jun 24, 2017 13:07:54 GMT -5
Except, ironhamster, you are still in your SM. So you aren't available; and so, no more help to me than the dozens of attractive but happily married men I see every day. So, you aren't a unicorn. A unicorn by definition is rare. That would mean: 1) he & I are available at the same time and 2) we both want each other. I get you, Kat, and you speak reality. Just because someone finds their preferred mate does not mean everyone will. There are lots of variables and factors that go into bringing two available people together who are compatible.
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