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Post by eternaloptimism on Jun 18, 2017 11:55:46 GMT -5
lyn... pro-happiness. That's it
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Post by ironhamster on Jun 18, 2017 14:20:50 GMT -5
For those avoiding outsourcing (or not) I find that a little bit of flirting with random people can be very rewarding! Any interaction like that is uplifting. I am looking at outsourcing, and finding it is difficult. I've got lots of conflicts, as do potential partners. My playdate for next weekend just cancelled, fortunately before my travel plans were locked in. Even though I'm only not outsourcing because, well, busy people have conflicts, the thought that it is possible is much more uplifting than the thought of the remote chance of another wifely duty corpse-fuck.
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Post by hopingforachange on Jun 18, 2017 16:36:14 GMT -5
*of course - THC filled chocolate makes everything better. Hummmm, I might have to try that.
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Post by rdp62 on Jun 18, 2017 17:43:00 GMT -5
*of course - THC filled chocolate makes everything better. Hummmm, I might have to try that. Highly recommended with or without wine Seriously though coping I think should be a temporary solution as long as there is progress as well. Not huge progress maybe why our discussion went ok, that we are not expecting immediate 100% normalcy. Just slow consistent progress back to normal to be clear though this is an SM support site so there wasn't an option of continued refusal maybe not the best way to put it but if there was no interest in intimacy moving forward that would have have been it, I had to make that 100% clear.
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Post by lyn on Jun 18, 2017 19:00:47 GMT -5
*of course - THC filled chocolate makes everything better. Hummmm, I might have to try that. You kinda should Hfac😉
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Post by baza on Jun 18, 2017 19:03:59 GMT -5
It could be argued that "assisting someone to stay in a harmful environment" is a highly irresponsible thing to do.
Of course, by your definition, an ILIASM shithole might not constitute a "harmful environment", in which case assisting someone stay in their ILIASM shithole would NOT be irresponsible.
So I would recommend a high salt, high carbs, high fat diet as a basis. If you are prone to exercise, stop it. If you don't smoke, then start. Alcohol too, and plenty of it. If you have any friends, dump 'em. Hate 'Orange is the New Black'?, then watch the whole 5 series in one block. Whatever you find stressful, do it. Trash your finances. Take up gambling. Don't underestimate the value of drugs either, get into them big time. Scrub any social life you may have and develop an isolationist position. The list of harmful unhappy things you could choose is really only limited by your imagination.
In short, if you are choosing unhappiness, embrace it full on. Do a proper job of it.
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Post by lyn on Jun 18, 2017 19:04:17 GMT -5
Hummmm, I might have to try that. Highly recommended with or without wine Seriously though coping I think should be a temporary solution as long as there is progress as well. Not huge progress maybe why our discussion went ok, that we are not expecting immediate 100% normalcy. Just slow consistent progress back to normal to be clear though this is an SM support site so there wasn't an option of continued refusal maybe not the best way to put it but if there was no interest in intimacy moving forward that would have have been it, I had to make that 100% clear. Yes! A nice dark red - mmmmm....... double-whammy "downer" maybe though Very interested as to what, if any, progress you and your W have been able to make! Fingers crossed for you!
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Post by lyn on Jun 18, 2017 19:07:37 GMT -5
For those avoiding outsourcing (or not) I find that a little bit of flirting with random people can be very rewarding! I honestly don't think I could've survived it without flirting! Good point! Btw, you're looking awfully hot there in that very life-like profile pic of yours padgemi....... ☺️
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Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
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Post by Deleted on Jun 18, 2017 19:33:51 GMT -5
It could be argued that "assisting someone to stay in a harmful environment" is a highly irresponsible thing to do. Of course, by your definition, an ILIASM shithole might not constitute a "harmful environment", in which case assisting someone stay in their ILIASM shithole would NOT be irresponsible. So I would recommend a high salt, high carbs, high fat diet as a basis. If you are prone to exercise, stop it. If you don't smoke, then start. Alcohol too, and plenty of it. If you have any friends, dump 'em. Hate 'Orange is the New Black'?, then watch the whole 5 series in one block. Whatever you find stressful, do it. Trash your finances. Take up gambling. Don't underestimate the value of drugs either, get into them big time. Scrub any social life you may have and develop an isolationist position. The list of harmful unhappy things you could choose is really only limited by your imagination. In short, if you are choosing unhappiness, embrace it full on. Do a proper job of it. I'm sorry, but come on. Things aren't black and white. A decision to stay in a sexless but otherwise friendly or working relationship can be rational. It ain't ideal, and it often sucks, but it can be and often is rational. People who stay in SMs aren't idiots, we are all very aware that there is an option called divorce. You don't have to remind us. And we are far more aware of the downsides of such a decision in our own personal lives than you are. Some of us might be fooling ourselves, some of us might not be emotionally ready, but some of us might be making such a decision with full understanding of what we are giving up and still choosing that as the lesser of evils - with our eyes wide open. And with our options open as well.
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Post by mrslowmaintenance on Jun 18, 2017 21:28:52 GMT -5
Doing more activities with my spouse that make me happy. - playing with our child together - tickling each other/being silly - sharing the joy of a comedy show or a cool evening with nice glass of wine - exercising together - long drives
Crafts/hobbies I personally choose to fill my hobby time with: - painting and drawing - gardening - making projects for my daughter - sewing - baking - walking - catching random animals in the harbor
Educate yourself - learn a new instrument - take a class or two on something interesting at your local community college - read! There is always something good out there to read
Community - talk here - make some new friends or talk with old ones - join some groups at your local library - join a restoration group, they are always fun (boat, classic car, antiques, etc)
I am not choosing divorce. Maybe in 5-10 years I will reconsider if our improvements fall through. Right now, I am still a really happy person. And it doesn't hurt that my spouse is genuinely trying to make the change and work together, to be even closer and more satisfied.
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Post by shamwow on Jun 18, 2017 21:43:46 GMT -5
You forgot alcohol, and, in some states, weed. I suppose we can add meth and heroin to the list, too. They're all bad coping mechanisms, but, I am sure they are used. Heavy drinking for 25+ years. Coping, maybe, but i highly don't recommend it. Same here...substance abuse in my experience is a really poor way of coping... But after a while even alcoholism strangely looked attractive as something to distract.
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Post by shamwow on Jun 18, 2017 21:52:41 GMT -5
It could be argued that "assisting someone to stay in a harmful environment" is a highly irresponsible thing to do. Of course, by your definition, an ILIASM shithole might not constitute a "harmful environment", in which case assisting someone stay in their ILIASM shithole would NOT be irresponsible. So I would recommend a high salt, high carbs, high fat diet as a basis. If you are prone to exercise, stop it. If you don't smoke, then start. Alcohol too, and plenty of it. If you have any friends, dump 'em. Hate 'Orange is the New Black'?, then watch the whole 5 series in one block. Whatever you find stressful, do it. Trash your finances. Take up gambling. Don't underestimate the value of drugs either, get into them big time. Scrub any social life you may have and develop an isolationist position. The list of harmful unhappy things you could choose is really only limited by your imagination. In short, if you are choosing unhappiness, embrace it full on. Do a proper job of it. I'm sorry, but come on. Things aren't black and white. A decision to stay in a sexless but otherwise friendly or working relationship can be rational. It ain't ideal, and it often sucks, but it can be and often is rational. People who stay in SMs aren't idiots, we are all very aware that there is an option called divorce. You don't have to remind us. And we are far more aware of the downsides of such a decision in our own personal lives than you are. Some of us might be fooling ourselves, some of us might not be emotionally ready, but some of us might be making such a decision with full understanding of what we are giving up and still choosing that as the lesser of evils - with our eyes wide open. And with our options open as well. Staying IS a perfectly legitimate option. I don't think anyone here would say otherwise. But if you are on this site you are, by definition, in an unhappy situation. It should not be surprising that many here want to end that unhappy situation. Divorce is a painful process, but there are common threads that run through it regardless of individual situations. Staying though is unique to each situation. Consequently I would wager that many who decide to stay simply fade from the forum since by definition it is hard to fix somebody else's situation remotely via a website. If you want to fix your relationship I salute you. But please don't think that those of us who have ended our relationships judge those who haven't.
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Post by shamwow on Jun 18, 2017 21:55:19 GMT -5
Doing more activities with my spouse that make me happy. - playing with our child together - tickling each other/being silly - sharing the joy of a comedy show or a cool evening with nice glass of wine - exercising together - long drives Crafts/hobbies I personally choose to fill my hobby time with: - painting and drawing - gardening - making projects for my daughter - sewing - baking - walking - catching random animals in the harbor Educate yourself - learn a new instrument - take a class or two on something interesting at your local community college - read! There is always something good out there to read Community - talk here - make some new friends or talk with old ones - join some groups at your local library - join a restoration group, they are always fun (boat, classic car, antiques, etc) I am not choosing divorce. Maybe in 5-10 years I will reconsider if our improvements fall through. Right now, I am still a really happy person. And it doesn't hurt that my spouse is genuinely trying to make the change and work together, to be even closer and more satisfied. All done with eyes wide open. Well done.
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Post by lwoetin on Jun 18, 2017 22:10:56 GMT -5
I like watching DVDs. War movies with lots of blood, that'll make you forget about sex. Sci Fi movies are pretty effective also. Reading textbooks on science and engineering is also distracting. Yardwork is relaxing as well as keeps neighborhood weed watch off my back. Sports... college and pro games are quite good in taking hours of time.
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Post by mrslowmaintenance on Jun 18, 2017 23:17:28 GMT -5
Oh, also, games!!
Board games, console, computer or role playing!
I joined a cribbage group with a bunch if really nice people at my library when we still lived in Alaska. Fantastic group with so much interesting discussion. Miss that group.
Dungeons and Dragons is also a lot of time and fun... And you get to role play and become whomever you choose, good stuff.. Would recommend
I also sank far too much time into World of Warcraft... And I would be doing it right now if I weren't in college and had a toddler (maybe if she went to daycare...hmmm..)
Or a board game group. We had a running group at our house. We would rotate games, each couple would bring a game they liked or something they wanted to try and we would spend a couple hours playing... Get some coals on, some beers open, great night to wear you out with laughter and companionship. Default was naturally Cards Against Humanity
Okay, okay, I'm done... I will leave you alone
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