Whether you believe it or not, I can relate. After my wife's mastectomy, she has been recovering very slowly. Two weeks after the mastectomy, she is still using the ventilator and the feeding tube. The staff at the rehab center have been trying to wean her off the vent, but she is too anxious. Every time they turn off the vent, she asks that it goes back on. She can't talk, so she mouths everything to me.
It's been extremely frustrating to me. After we found out the cancer was gone, we thought that her recovery would go smoothly. But right now, she is not as well off as she was before the surgery. The longer she stays on the vent, the harder it is for her to get off. Today marks three months she has been in the hospital or rehab. Today was especially frustrating, as she kept asking me to get the nurse just as the nurse left.
My worry now is that things will return to the way they were when she comes home - her not doing anything and expecting me to do it all. Since she has been gone, my son and I have gotten used to taking care of ourselves. I don't know if we will have the energy to take care of her too.
Post by northstarmom on Jun 28, 2017 5:48:12 GMT -5
1. Men cry. Men need and obtain support.
2. There are support groups and hotlines for cancer caregivers. Google or ask your wife's hospital for info.
3. I have at least 5 friends who have had breast cancer. Some had double mastectomies. Their cancer occurred as long as 20 years ago. All are still alive with no reoccurrence. One works for the UN and flies all over the world. One works as a psychologist and yoga instructor. One is very active in politics. One raised 2 kids while working full time and being a single parent. She is retired now but teaches a college course over the summer and takes care of her toddler grandson. The remaining friend is retired but raises farm animals and volunteers.
Your wife will not be like those women because she was not active before. She will come home and do nothing.
It will be up to you whether you live your days at her beck and call or continue to live with some independence. Living marriage as a sentence is a choice you made and can continue to choose. Even if you choose to remain married, you also can choose to give yourself more freedom.