My take is this: Mrs. 31 years threw that out on three levels: 1) boasting. 2) dissing everybody with less than 31 years of hell under their belt, hence elevating herself in her own eyes. (Sartre: "hell is other people") 31 years with her might qualify. 3) dissing "being in lust", "romantic love", "passionate love" in a passive aggressive move, because she can't find those in herself.
Am I being harsh? You bet. I can't stand wankers like that woman. (file under 'mental masturbation', a term introduced to us by the vice principal of our high school)
Last Edit: Jun 12, 2017 22:23:30 GMT -5 by petrushka
I can only speak in terms of myself. I am not at all an example of how one should conduct a relationship - I admit it. I suppose I use my parents as an example - because how else did I learn?
I see supposed "love" in a committed relationship - as one wrought with peaks and valleys. Like life. You have to experience the rain to appreciate the sun - climb the mountain to appreciate the view, dredge through the valley to even get to climb that peak! Fall and Fail, pick yourself up and you WILL succeed. But sometimes, you don't.
Part of me recognizes that it shouldn't be THIS hard to do it with someone else - a partner. I get that too. I think 99% of us on this board GETS it - without actually "getting it" 😉so, I won't belabor the point - we are simply unfulfilled.
Time - shows one all kinds of things. Things that the early stages didn't. True love is tested in the trials - those trials come with time. Does that negate the fact that your husband is the bees knees and you all will make it through any future issues? No! You feel it - it's valid.
What is the time limit? I have said this before and I will say it again - no one here has the best answer. It is usually "you know when you know." Or, always have your bags packed.! That seems the most sad love of all - surely, at some point, you have to call it a rough patch and soldier through?
So, while I don't disagree with her post, I don't disagree with your annoyance of it either.
Excuse my cynicism, but my thoughts about people who post this kind of stuff about their relationships on social media for all to see, are that things aren't quite as rosy in the garden as they want everyone to think. The lady doth protest too much. Pass the bucket.
A Facebook friend of mine posted her "Happy Anniversary" to her husband (31 years) and in it she basically bashed anyone who has "romantic love" by saying, "Lots of people confuse romantic love with true love, but you are my true love and my best friend - this took time to get to - 31 years, it didn't happen in just a few short years."
Well, maybe I am just reading it as "bashing" those of us newbies who have romance in our love lives - I congratulated her and left it at that.
But, for me, this quote nails how I feel and what I have experienced (am experiencing now) with my husband:
“You don’t measure love in time. You measure love in transformation. Sometimes the longest connections yield very little growth, while the briefest of encounters change everything. The heart doesn’t wear a watch - it’s timeless. It doesn’t care how long you know someone. It doesn’t care if you had a 40 year anniversary if there is no juice in the connection. What the heart cares about is resonance. Resonance that opens it, resonance that enlivens it, resonance that calls it home. And when it finds it, the transformation begins…”
I mean, just -- yes.
Our love isn't just "new" - it's more than that and I know it. I know it with every fiber of my being and that knowing is precisely why I am so confident when it comes to his ex-wife and his ex-girlfriend now. I KNOW what we are to each other and what we share - it's been there since day one but time keeps proving it to be true. So, time can definitely strengthen love, but it's not the only measure of it.