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Post by TMD on Oct 27, 2017 22:08:35 GMT -5
I know this may not make sense: I once went down on a woman. With a great review, in fact. And yet, I identify as heterosexual. Would I do it again? Perhaps. Ultimately, however, I derive the most pleasure from sexual relations with a man. I don't identify as bisexual. Then you are bi, or bi curious, not straight. A straight women would find it repulsive to have sex with another woman, especially oral. I’m straight, and the thought alone makes me feel ill. We will have to agree to disagree, Caris. It’s not something, intimacy with a woman, that I strive for or desire. Once, it happened. But I don’t seek it out. TBH, I was curious, and curiousity was fulfilled by one experience. It hasn’t inspired me to want more. Does one experience mean I am to be assigned a label with respect to my sexuality?
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Post by M2G on Oct 27, 2017 23:11:34 GMT -5
Back in the day when we were somewhat disposed to experimenting together, we both <ahem> strayed a bit to the other side of the mattress.
Saying those instances make us gay, lesbian, bisexual or whatever, is kind of like saying we're Vegan because we ate a veggiburger.
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Post by M2G on Oct 28, 2017 7:18:54 GMT -5
PS: Tori - don't know you as I joined just this month, but reading thread, I think you're very brave person & I wish you all the very best as you begin this new chapter of your life.
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Post by northstarmom on Oct 28, 2017 8:43:20 GMT -5
I think someone who by choice engages in sex with a person of the same gender is either gay or bi. I think most people are bi and few people are 100 percent straight and would never be attracted to a sane gendered person.,Sexuality is a continuum. Just because most people are bi doesn’t mean most would act on those desires or interests.
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Post by greatcoastal on Oct 28, 2017 8:47:34 GMT -5
I have a friend who is gay. His lover has passed away. I talk with him in great depth about my divorce. He brings a very different perspective to the table! He recently suggested" Is your wife gay? She's such a staunch christian she will always stay in the closet, but think about how she hordes money, spends money, hides things, is such a masculine type personality has no interest in men, listens and follows her sister, gives up on the children, friends up with other "boss" women who's marriage ended and where sexless". Lots to think about!! A process, a journey, to watch unfold as time goes on.
I also know a woman who is divorcing, her husband announced he is gay. They have two children together. He wants no custody and has declared that he is marrying his male lover. Before the divorce even happens!! And I thought I had problems! Fortunately for her she went on line and like others have said, "it didn't take long to find a FWB." It is still one hell of a mind altering, life changing event!!
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Post by TMD on Oct 28, 2017 11:05:40 GMT -5
One final comment: I have never cared much for labels. Judgment usually goes hand in hand. I would, however, like to have the choice to define myself for me. And not by others. Regardless of whether or not I am straight or bi or like veggie burgers (I love them) or whatever. For those interested in a discussion on sexuality and/or specifically whether or not one is bi or gay or trans or whatnot, may I suggest a new thread? Sorry tori for hijacking this discussion. My original post was long ago, and I forgot about it until last night. I have the utmost respect for you and empathy for what you are going through.
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Post by TheGreatContender -aka Daddeeo on Oct 28, 2017 20:53:08 GMT -5
Hugs brave tori. FWIW and as you can see, this forum has your back! Sending positive vibes!!! Update...I put my big girl pants on and left my “husband” I hate to call him my husband because that word inaccurately describes who this person is/was to me. I’ve had enough of the emotional abuse and the disgusting lies I’ve been fed for so long. Leaving him is not the hard part, it’s leaving behind the familiar that’s tough and very sad. I’ve decided that I won’t be a willing player in his sick game anymore. He is perfectly content living a life of lies while destroying mine. I imagine this will be a roller coaster of emotions and I know I’ll have to dig down and find strength but I believe I’m worth it😊
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tori
Junior Member
Posts: 89
Age Range: 41-45
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Post by tori on Oct 30, 2017 5:36:04 GMT -5
One final comment: I have never cared much for labels. Judgment usually goes hand in hand. I would, however, like to have the choice to define myself for me. And not by others. Regardless of whether or not I am straight or bi or like veggie burgers (I love them) or whatever. For those interested in a discussion on sexuality and/or specifically whether or not one is bi or gay or trans or whatnot, may I suggest a new thread? Sorry tori for hijacking this discussion. My original post was long ago, and I forgot about it until last night. I have the utmost respect for you and empathy for what you are going through. No worries tmd please continue the conversation. Very interesting to hear everyone’s perspective here. I feel that dipping ones toes into another pond out of curiosity does not make one gay but diving in and frequently frolicking in that pond slides them out of the straight category. As far as relationships go, transparency is important. I would have never married this person if he told me he likes ladyboys.
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Post by james on Oct 30, 2017 6:30:26 GMT -5
FWIW there is a quite interesting discussion of male vs female sexuality in Sex at Dawn by Ryan and Jetha (recommrnded to me by Venus Erotes). See chapters 20 and 21- in fact the whole book was really interesting to me though it does have its detractors. I am cirrently wading through Sex at Dusk by one of them. Anyone else read?
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peiguy
Junior Member
Posts: 26
Age Range: 51-55
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Post by peiguy on Nov 3, 2017 14:29:06 GMT -5
I think the sexuality of human beings is both very complex and very versatile. Tori, if your hubby was attracted to men but did not act on those desires and was committed to you and showed you love, affection and gave you pleasure, he would be a good man. Maybe bi, maybe even gay, but a good man. And, maybe a keeper. If he acted on the desires, but then changed and embraced monogamy with you - he'd be a flawed man who changed for the better, and worth [though not entitled] to be forgiven. It would be your call.
You are a victim, no question. You have our support.
He is also a victim. But for his upbringing and version of Christianity that is frankly not Christian , he might have a happy life married to a man.
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Post by shamwow on Nov 3, 2017 16:21:38 GMT -5
I think someone who by choice engages in sex with a person of the same gender is either gay or bi. I think most people are bi and few people are 100 percent straight and would never be attracted to a sane gendered person.,Sexuality is a continuum. Just because most people are bi doesn’t mean most would act on those desires or interests. I dunno. It constantly amazes me how a woman could find my junk attractive, let alone desire it. Same goes for my hairy ass. The idea of finding those things does exactly zero for me. I mean, I get how a couple of gay guys could get into each other. They do get turned on by another guy's junk / ass. Just not my thing. Now the smooth skin of a woman? Petite, smooth, curves? I'm not going into detail on other, uh, attributes, but yeah, I'm into that. So I guess I'm a closet straight guy. Or perhaps just a lesbian trapped in a man's body. More's the pity, I guess. To paraphrase Eddie Murphy: "You can play tennis with a gay guy. Just after the game you say I'm gonna get a beer, what are you going to do do? I'm going to suck a dick. Ok, I'm gonna get that beer, you go suck that dick..."
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Post by worksforme2 on Nov 5, 2017 8:14:44 GMT -5
there is a part of sexuality that is being missed here. Not that it really matters. Many "heterosexual" men want to go suck cock. The dating sites are filled with them. Many guys want to suck cock but still be straight. A tranny is just the thing, a girl with a cock. You are mistaken in thinking that these men are heterosexual. They are bi sexual or possibly closet homosexuals. No heterosexual male wants to suck cock.
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Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
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Post by Deleted on Nov 5, 2017 17:43:47 GMT -5
there is a part of sexuality that is being missed here. Not that it really matters. Many "heterosexual" men want to go suck cock. The dating sites are filled with them. Many guys want to suck cock but still be straight. A tranny is just the thing, a girl with a cock. You are mistaken in thinking that these men are heterosexual. They are bi sexual or possibly closet homosexuals. No heterosexual male wants to suck cock. I stand firm in what I say. it becomes a matter of definition and symantics.
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Post by shamwow on Nov 5, 2017 18:33:22 GMT -5
there is a part of sexuality that is being missed here. Not that it really matters. Many "heterosexual" men want to go suck cock. The dating sites are filled with them. Many guys want to suck cock but still be straight. A tranny is just the thing, a girl with a cock. You are mistaken in thinking that these men are heterosexual. They are bi sexual or possibly closet homosexuals. No heterosexual male wants to suck cock. I'm with you on this one.
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Post by baza on Nov 5, 2017 20:10:20 GMT -5
Meanwhile, back at Sister tori original post . . . . . . . for a robust sex life in her relationship, a heterosexual is required. Further, this heterosexual would require at least average needs for sex. Further, this heterosexual with average needs for heterosexual sex would be required to find Sister tori a highly desirable heterosexual sexual partner. So, whatever this bloke actually IS, it can be said with some certainty that he is NOT a heterosexual with average needs for heterosexual sex, nor does he find Sister tori a highly desirable heterosexual partner. Oftentimes in these situations "what they are" can be a muddled picture. But "what they are NOT" is invariably way clearer. And what this bloke is NOT, is a compatible partner for Sister tori .
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