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Post by hopingforachange on May 27, 2017 6:04:20 GMT -5
I agree with drycreek. If he wants to keep what he is doing private, then a quick easy divorce could be done with the terms in your favor. Maybe alimony in exchange for your silence.
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tori
Junior Member
Posts: 89
Age Range: 41-45
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Post by tori on May 27, 2017 6:15:11 GMT -5
@mcroommate I know it's absolutely horrifying.
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Post by northstarmom on May 27, 2017 7:22:17 GMT -5
Hmmm..good point though I doubt he will leave, What will people think of him once I tell my side of the story? He wouldn't risk it. Eww, I just had crazy thought that there is a possibility my husband may leave me for another man! ~ Mind blown~ I plan to speak to an attorney. I have a decent job, I will survive but will certainly have to make major lifestyle changes. It just stinks The choice is to remain miserable in a marriage with a man who is cheating on you and lacks sexual interest, love and respect for you. Everyone has lifestyle changes after a divorce. The big lifestyle change that you are forgetting about is you would no longer be living with a man who is with you only to keep up his image. You would no longer be in a prison of a marriage. Believe it or not, you are luckier than most who land here. You have a get out of jail card that provides an airtight reason that there is no hope that your marriage will change for the better. You have such a rock solid excuse that it's highly unlikely that anyone would tell you to "try harder" to turn your marriage around. You'll probably get lots of support from family and friends, including from your husband's family and friends if you choose to tell them. Since you know for sure that your husband has been having sex with transexuals, you also probably have evidence that you could have your lawyer use to coerce your husband into giving you a quick divorce that provides you with a very fair settlement. And you are fortunate to have a "decent job". When I decided to divorce, I was 60 and had been unemployed for years after unfairly not getting tenure even though I had more awards and a higher degree than my ex -- who worked in the same university department -- and came in with tenure. I had not been able to find employment since. Because my husband loved his job, I had chosen not to move to find employment even though it was very likely I could find a good job elsewhere. At 60, my job prospects were bleak. Anyway, in your situation, it's unlikely your husband will leave since you're providing him the cover he needs to look like a heterosexual to others. You, however, can choose to end the marriage. Talking to the best lawyers in town would be a smart first step. Why the best lawyers? Because even if it ends up that they'd be out of your price range, you could get some good advice from them, and if you've ever talked to them, your husband wouldn't be able to use them as his lawyer! And -- there is a very good chance that the first visit -- consultation -- will be free. Divorce would make you completely available to find the kind of love you want. Of course, it wouldn't guarantee that, but you may find it's better to be single and alone than married and lonely and alone. For what it's worth, even though I was 61 when my divorce became final, and I never thought I'd find romance again, I've now been 4 years with the love of my life. And, yes, we do have sex -- a lot of sex, passion, romantic love -- and honesty and trust. I have a more financially modest lifestyle, but I'd rather be living my current life than the hell I had with my ex.
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Post by worksforme2 on May 27, 2017 8:02:37 GMT -5
Hmmm..good point though I doubt he will leave, What will people think of him once I tell my side of the story? He wouldn't risk it. Eww, I just had crazy thought that there is a possibility my husband may leave me for another man! ~ Mind blown~ I plan to speak to an attorney. I have a decent job, I will survive but will certainly have to make major lifestyle changes. It just stinks Divorce almost always forces significant lifestyle changes. My 1st marriage we had a new home sitting on a large lot with a considerable lake frontage. New cars. We traveled extensively as a benefit of the type of work I did. When she left the courts pretty much forced me to dispose of everything and give half to her and the child support was such that it necessitate me moving back in with my mom. It took me a couple years to save up enough to make a new start, but I did it. What it really amounts to is "what is important to you and what are you willing to do to achieve it"?
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tori
Junior Member
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Age Range: 41-45
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Post by tori on May 27, 2017 8:31:50 GMT -5
northstarmom Thank you (and others) for helping me see this from a different angle. Excellent advice, seeing a lawyer is probably something I should have already pursued. I do love my husband and aside from the lack of sex we have fun together. It's a total mindf**k.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 27, 2017 8:40:00 GMT -5
northstarmom Thank you (and others) for helping me see this from a different angle. Excellent advice, seeing a lawyer is probably something I should have already pursued. I do love my husband and aside from the lack of sex we have fun together. It's a total mindf**k. Hi tori, sorry you find yourself here and sorry about your situation. You already have a lot of very good advice so I will keep it super short and add that I agree with everyone that thinks you should be seriously examining your exit options. I am frankly surprised you are still able to love someone that has hidden such a big part of his life from you. i.e., his sexual orientation.
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tori
Junior Member
Posts: 89
Age Range: 41-45
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Post by tori on May 27, 2017 8:53:42 GMT -5
@teer Call me crazy but I pity him. That's just like me, caring about others while they dump all over me. It's a flaw and my therapist says I need to gain respect for myself. When all is said and done, I'll be who I am..honest and completely secure with my sexuality and he'll no doubt have moved on to the next unsuspecting woman still hiding from himself. I win.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 27, 2017 23:48:51 GMT -5
there is a part of sexuality that is being missed here. Not that it really matters.
Many "heterosexual" men want to go suck cock. The dating sites are filled with them. Many guys want to suck cock but still be straight. A tranny is just the thing, a girl with a cock.
Many married men go suck cock. Some find trannies, some find men.
If a man wants to find sex, it can be much easier with a man then with a woman. not including hookers.
But in the end, if he does not want sex with you, that is all that matters. What really does it matter who else he is having sex with, men women, or other.
I am curious about when your marriage went sexless, and for what reason...
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Post by hopingforachange on May 27, 2017 23:56:15 GMT -5
They would be closet bi courious, I think. I have no couriousity in touching or being touched by another man sexually.
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Post by h on May 28, 2017 4:13:07 GMT -5
there is a part of sexuality that is being missed here. Not that it really matters. Many "heterosexual" men want to go suck cock. The dating sites are filled with them. Many guys want to suck cock but still be straight. A tranny is just the thing, a girl with a cock. Many married men go suck cock. Some find trannies, some find men. If a man wants to find sex, it can be much easier with a man then with a woman. not including hookers. But in the end, if he does not want sex with you, that is all that matters. What really does it matter who else he is having sex with, men women, or other. I am curious about when your marriage went sexless, and for what reason... There are no chicks with dicks, only dudes with boobs.
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Post by McRoomMate on May 28, 2017 5:55:13 GMT -5
there is a part of sexuality that is being missed here. Not that it really matters. Many "heterosexual" men want to go suck cock. The dating sites are filled with them. Many guys want to suck cock but still be straight. A tranny is just the thing, a girl with a cock. Many married men go suck cock. Some find trannies, some find men. If a man wants to find sex, it can be much easier with a man then with a woman. not including hookers. But in the end, if he does not want sex with you, that is all that matters. What really does it matter who else he is having sex with, men women, or other. I am curious about when your marriage went sexless, and for what reason... There are no chicks with dicks, only dudes with boobs. It is debatable whether Transexuals are equivalent to "gay" - This debate can go on ad infinitum. Yes, it is a "DUDE" and the boobs are silicon and the hormones are by injection. They still have to shave and have "dude feet" yuck. OK enough editorializing. To recap the key points: 1) He is cheating on you with a "woman" of sorts 2) He does not want to have sex with you - prefers the Trannies 3) You are at HIGH RISK of HIV infection if he is not being careful (Trannies are known to be carriers of HIV especially the working variety). Courage and Strength !!! - even with this rotten facts - planning an Exit and ending a long term relationship / marriage is a tough painful roller coaster of a journey.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 28, 2017 8:19:23 GMT -5
there is a part of sexuality that is being missed here. Not that it really matters. Many "heterosexual" men want to go suck cock. The dating sites are filled with them. Many guys want to suck cock but still be straight. A tranny is just the thing, a girl with a cock. Many married men go suck cock. Some find trannies, some find men. If a man wants to find sex, it can be much easier with a man then with a woman. not including hookers. But in the end, if he does not want sex with you, that is all that matters. What really does it matter who else he is having sex with, men women, or other. I am curious about when your marriage went sexless, and for what reason... There are no chicks with dicks, only dudes with boobs. what is your point? Save
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Post by northstarmom on May 28, 2017 9:13:57 GMT -5
Tori, You say you stay because you love your husband and enjoy various activities with him. You can love your brother or a close friend yet not want to be married to them or to share a bed with them. Divorcing your husband may mean accepting the companionate love you have, while freeing yourself to have the kind of sexual love you want in a romantic relationship.
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Post by snowman12345 on May 28, 2017 19:45:14 GMT -5
They would be closet bi courious, I think. I have no couriousity in touching or being touched by another man sexually. I am slightly disappointed.
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Post by DryCreek on May 28, 2017 21:45:53 GMT -5
I do love my husband and aside from the lack of sex we have fun together. It's a total mindf**k. To state more obviousness... you don't need to be his wife to be his friend. Sex is a defining attribute of marriage. It's the one thing that's supposed to be exclusive to that institution. If you take stock of all the other dimensions of your relationship, you'll find that none of them require being married to him. Free yourself to have an intimate relationship with someone who wants one with you. You have black-and-white clarity here. Most of us writhe in agony because we never achieve that kind of clarity upon which to base our decisions. Be thankful for it, and exercise it.
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