tori
Junior Member
Posts: 89
Age Range: 41-45
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Post by tori on May 26, 2017 17:22:28 GMT -5
Well the title of this thread says it all. I'm new here..sort of. I joined this site a year ago after I found out my husband has been paying for sex with transsexuals ( not sure that term accurately describes men with breast implants) so forgive me if I'm not being politically correct. I mean no disrespect. My husband gets off to men. But he's not gay....sigh. I have sacrificed the past 16 years for someone that I don't even know. OUCH! I wonder if anyone else has been through this hell?
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Post by wewbwb on May 26, 2017 17:24:07 GMT -5
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Post by northstarmom on May 26, 2017 17:28:26 GMT -5
Friend of mine was unknowingly married for 13 years to a gay man. She met him at the conservative Christian college both attended. She was a naive virgin, who thought he was showing respect by not attempting to do anythning sexual with her. After they got married, he only had sex with her enough to get her pregnant. She thought something was wrong with her. When she finally divorced, her husband came out as gay and opened a gay bar. She eventually found a hetero man who loved sex and loves her. They've now been married about 20 years. He's in his early 60s, and still is happily having sex with her, she told me.
So there's hope, but to have the life you want, you'll probably have to let go of your marriage.
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tori
Junior Member
Posts: 89
Age Range: 41-45
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Post by tori on May 26, 2017 17:28:53 GMT -5
[ I know. What gives someone the right to destroy another because they are a coward?
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Post by wewbwb on May 26, 2017 17:32:52 GMT -5
I'm not defending him. Please understand that. But fear.
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tori
Junior Member
Posts: 89
Age Range: 41-45
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Post by tori on May 26, 2017 17:34:20 GMT -5
Friend of mine was unknowingly married for 13 years to a gay man. She met him at the conservative Christian college both attended. She was a naive virgin, who thought he was showing respect by not attempting to do anythning sexual with her. After they got married, he only had sex with her enough to get her pregnant. She thought something was wrong with her. When she finally divorced, her husband came out as gay and opened a gay bar. She eventually found a hetero man who loved sex and loves her. They've now been married about 20 years. He's in his early 60s, and still is happily having sex with her, she told me. So there's hope, but to have the life you want, you'll probably have to let go of your marriage. I can't let go financially at the moment. I have conditioned myself to accept a life without sex and it's unbelievably difficult. I think more so because I was blind sided. I'm angry and disgusted mostly at myself for not recognizing the red flags. I basically feel as though I asked for this nightmare.
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tori
Junior Member
Posts: 89
Age Range: 41-45
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Post by tori on May 26, 2017 17:37:53 GMT -5
I'm not defending him. Please understand that. But fear. No I do understand. Thanks for your input. He says he's not gay....he has a reputation to uphold. Im the prop the willing shill. I'm so pissed at myself.
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Post by wewbwb on May 26, 2017 17:38:03 GMT -5
tori You did not and you are not to blame. This isn't you.
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Post by bballgirl on May 26, 2017 17:39:17 GMT -5
Talk to an attorney just to get educated. Furthermore if he can get some outside of the marriage so can you. Individual therapy might be a good idea to work through your emotions.
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tori
Junior Member
Posts: 89
Age Range: 41-45
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Post by tori on May 26, 2017 17:50:44 GMT -5
Talk to an attorney just to get educated. Furthermore if he can get some outside of the marriage so can you. Individual therapy might be a good idea to work through your emotions. I wouldn't know where to look for a no strings attached side piece. It's such a screwy crazy scenario. I've had a year in therapy but that was before he came clean and actually admitted to adultery. I have a supportive family willing to help. I have a feeling I'm dealing with a mastermind sociopath.
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tori
Junior Member
Posts: 89
Age Range: 41-45
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Post by tori on May 26, 2017 17:56:14 GMT -5
tori You did not and you are not to blame. This isn't you. I know but I actually know he's been sleeping with men now. Complaining about it is useless. I'm an accomplice in my own misery. The only comfort I have is knowing Karma will catch up to him. It's just the conniving and the calculated lies and the ultimate thievery of my life. I'm so damn mad.
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Post by mrslowmaintenance on May 26, 2017 18:03:06 GMT -5
Wether he thinks he is gay or not, he had an affair while not sexually satisfying the person he is married to. And from the sounds of said interaction, he does not seem as though he will be coming back around to the vagina side of the intercourse preferences.
If at all possible, even if challenging, I would personally say you need to leave, especially if there are no children between you.
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Post by wewbwb on May 26, 2017 18:03:45 GMT -5
I understand the feelings . The resentment the anger the blame the time stolen. You have the right to feel those . Honor them. When time is right, and you will know when that is , move past this and bravely into the life you deserve .
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Post by baza on May 26, 2017 18:09:10 GMT -5
Under prevailing societal views, you have the ultimate "get out of jail ticket" in your possession Sister tori The ticket out "justifies" kicking his arse to the kerb. Not that you need a socially acceptable "justification" to off load a dud spouse, but having such a water-tight justification does not hurt.
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Post by bballgirl on May 26, 2017 18:22:27 GMT -5
Talk to an attorney just to get educated. Furthermore if he can get some outside of the marriage so can you. Individual therapy might be a good idea to work through your emotions. I wouldn't know where to look for a no strings attached side piece. It's such a screwy crazy scenario. I've had a year in therapy but that was before he came clean and actually admitted to adultery. I have a supportive family willing to help. I have a feeling I'm dealing with a mastermind sociopath. Sounds like his religious hang ups had him living in fear of who he really is at your expense. As far as where to find a side piece - Tinder or POF has a lot of available single men to meet your sexual needs.
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