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Post by shamwow on Apr 13, 2017 13:34:33 GMT -5
I might consider it, but I KNOW Shamwow would do it for sure! However, I suggest this: The next time you are talking to a woman at church, ask her if she would mind answering a personal question. Then tell her that you are really nervous about dating and ask her if she would give you some tips about what she would want a man to behave on a date. As long as you are asking hypothetically, she will probably be happy to tell you. I suggest the following: 1- Wear a suit. Few men wear well-fitting suits with a tie now, and if you do, you will stand out favorably. 2- Open doors, women love this. 3- Let her order first at a restaurant. 4- Get her talking. Ask about her life, her kids, her job, etc. Show interest. 5- At the end of the date, walk her to the door, thank her for a wonderful evening, and ask if you can call her again. Kiss her on the cheek. Just my opinion. Hmmm...not sure what that means LOL Now, if greatcoastal is down for it, I can see if the jogger in the park is willing to give it a go. Disclaimer: He may want you to "practice" a few things you aren't expecting.
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Post by WindSister on Apr 13, 2017 13:37:28 GMT -5
Would you go out on a practice date with me? How does that sound? Anyone have experience with that? How did it go? Does it sound doable? Can a lot of good come out of it? Does it ease the tension of the I'm still in a SM? Would love some feed back! I think it's what's needed for me right now. Looking for that experience of just dating again, I meeen JEEEZ 25 yrs without dating? No commitment, more like "I need a friend", and I need some dating experience, and I could really use a moral boast by just relating one on one with someone of the opposite sex. You may not be available to see that person very often, that's okay, it's just a practice. You may want to laugh and talk a bunch, that's okay, it's just practice. You don't want a one night stand, you want to reach a beginning level of intimacy again, that's okay, it's just a practice date. You may not find that person very attractive, that's okay, it's just a practice date. You may find that person extremely attractive, and they make you quite nervous, that's okay, it's just practice. Afterwards you can tell each other, how they did, and what you would sugest, because, it's just practice. You may end up with a very close friend, who you can tell just about anything too, because, it was just practice. Okay, I re-read your post. I admit, I did dabble before I was officially out of my SM. But I knew I was on the way out, I didn't meet someone I wanted to be with and then leave. If that makes sense? It might not sound morally just but that's the route I took. And, yes, it DID ease the tension. Yes, it DID make me feel like there was hope for me -- "holy cow, some men LIKE me and think I am beautiful? " Some men LIKE talking with me? Some men LIKE touching me? It actually spurred me on faster from my SM but not towards another man, just towards my own life. Actually, I rememember the "AARs" - After-Action Reviews. They happen a lot. The text after you say goodbye. Either you or her will send it. "So, what did you think?" Oh god -- do you be honest? "WEll, you know, I thought it was lame you didn't bring your wallet, have a good life." (Happened) No, I didn't say that. I did say, "I am not feeling a connection, but it was nice meeting you." I also heard that a lot. It's the "nice" way to reject someone. I never dug for "why" - I didn't want to know. lol
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Post by Deleted on Apr 13, 2017 14:01:40 GMT -5
I might consider it, but I KNOW Shamwow would do it for sure! However, I suggest this: The next time you are talking to a woman at church, ask her if she would mind answering a personal question. Then tell her that you are really nervous about dating and ask her if she would give you some tips about what she would want a man to behave on a date. As long as you are asking hypothetically, she will probably be happy to tell you. I suggest the following: 1- Wear a suit. Few men wear well-fitting suits with a tie now, and if you do, you will stand out favorably. 2- Open doors, women love this. 3- Let her order first at a restaurant. 4- Get her talking. Ask about her life, her kids, her job, etc. Show interest. 5- At the end of the date, walk her to the door, thank her for a wonderful evening, and ask if you can call her again. Kiss her on the cheek. Just my opinion. Flashjohn, will you go out with me? ;-)
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Post by Deleted on Apr 13, 2017 14:14:51 GMT -5
I might consider it, but I KNOW Shamwow would do it for sure! However, I suggest this: The next time you are talking to a woman at church, ask her if she would mind answering a personal question. Then tell her that you are really nervous about dating and ask her if she would give you some tips about what she would want a man to behave on a date. As long as you are asking hypothetically, she will probably be happy to tell you. I suggest the following: 1- Wear a suit. Few men wear well-fitting suits with a tie now, and if you do, you will stand out favorably. 2- Open doors, women love this. 3- Let her order first at a restaurant. 4- Get her talking. Ask about her life, her kids, her job, etc. Show interest. 5- At the end of the date, walk her to the door, thank her for a wonderful evening, and ask if you can call her again. Kiss her on the cheek. Just my opinion. Flashjohn, will you go out with me? ;-) Thank you SK. I really needed a chuckle today!
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Post by shamwow on Apr 13, 2017 14:58:47 GMT -5
I might consider it, but I KNOW Shamwow would do it for sure! However, I suggest this: The next time you are talking to a woman at church, ask her if she would mind answering a personal question. Then tell her that you are really nervous about dating and ask her if she would give you some tips about what she would want a man to behave on a date. As long as you are asking hypothetically, she will probably be happy to tell you. I suggest the following: 1- Wear a suit. Few men wear well-fitting suits with a tie now, and if you do, you will stand out favorably. 2- Open doors, women love this. 3- Let her order first at a restaurant. 4- Get her talking. Ask about her life, her kids, her job, etc. Show interest. 5- At the end of the date, walk her to the door, thank her for a wonderful evening, and ask if you can call her again. Kiss her on the cheek. Just my opinion. Flashjohn, will you go out with me? ;-) And poor shammy doesn't even get a second thought....I'll just go to my air mattress (finally moved out of my bedroom this week) and cry myself to sleep.
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Post by lyn on Apr 13, 2017 16:52:15 GMT -5
Hmmmm greatcoastal, is this something you actually WANT to do? Or just opening up a conversation about it? If you do want to do this - which I honestly think is a GREAT idea, I suggest striking up a conversation with a lady of your choosing somewhere like the gym. Since, I'm pretty sure, your wife and kids go to the same church as you, probs best to do this with someone that doesn't know the family There are ways to approach women that come off as just plain creepy, and, conversely, ways that come off as charming. All imho of course. I'm def no expert! I'm positive you will do just fine out in the big bad dating world, but, maybe a thread where we offer "tips" to increase the odds of a positive response would be helpful. I for one can't wait to start dating again. Ups and downs sure, but, at least there is POTENTIAL for something positive. So much better than the quicksand some of us are standing in.
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Post by snowman12345 on Apr 13, 2017 18:30:19 GMT -5
I don't want to practice dating. I want to practice oral sex. But, not with Shammy. I can't handle a ruck sack.
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Post by Chatter Fox on Apr 13, 2017 19:02:50 GMT -5
I didn't read all the replies... feeling lazy I guess.
Anyway, I suppose I can see the value in a practice date. I can completely and utterly relate to the feelings you are putting out there. I've been there... totally.
I guess I just want to urge you to consider the idea that you don't need to practice. From my perspective, dating as someone in our age range shouldn't require practice. We know ourselves pretty well, no? We are all great people just the way we are, right? I've read your posts. I can vouch that you're a great guy just the way you are. You strike me as a pretty awesome guy just the way you are. To me, dating should be a time to just be yourself. If the one you are with appreciates you in your most genuine state, then they are someone worth seeing again. If they don't see the awesomeness that you are in your most genuine state ... well then they aren't worthy of your time. I think dating as an adult is a great opportunity for you to try and embrace who you are.... unapologetically. Just be yourself! Just put yourself out there without any kind of practice time. I know it's easier said than done. Trust me. I know. It's rough. ...but.. I believe its good for our self esteem to just be who we are and let the chips fall where they may. If you get rejected, its not about you. It's about the chemistry between the both of you. ...the only way to gain true acceptance is to be yourself. In my opinion abd experience, ts better to be rejected for who you are than accepted for playing a part. There are plenty of women out there that would be into you. ...the real genuine you. The unrehearsed you. Just be that you and find that her. She's out there. In the meantime, stay strong my friend. You got this!
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Post by seabr33z3 on Apr 13, 2017 19:13:11 GMT -5
I didn't read all the replies... feeling lazy I guess. Anyway, I suppose I can see the value in a practice date. I can completely and utterly relate to the feelings you are putting out there. I've been there... totally. I guess I just want to urge you to consider the idea that you don't need to practice. From my perspective, dating as someone in our age range shouldn't require practice. We know ourselves pretty well, no? We are all great people just the way we are, right? I've read your posts. I can vouch that you're a great guy just the way you are. You strike me as a pretty awesome guy just the way you are. To me, dating should be a time to just be yourself. If the one you are with appreciates you in your most genuine state, then they are someone worth seeing again. If they don't see the awesomeness that you are in your most genuine state ... well then they aren't worthy of your time. I think dating as an adult is a great opportunity for you to try and embrace who you are.... unapologetically. Just be yourself! Just put yourself out there without any kind of practice time. I know it's easier said than done. Trust me. I know. It's rough. ...but.. I believe its good for our self esteem to just be who we are and let the chips fall where they may. If you get rejected, its not about you. It's about the chemistry between the both of you. ...the only way to gain true acceptance is to be yourself. In my opinion abd experience, ts better to be rejected for who you are than accepted for playing a part. There are plenty of women out there that would be into you. ...the real genuine you. The unrehearsed you. Just be that you and find that her. She's out there. In the meantime, stay strong my friend. You got this! ^^^^^THIS^^^^^
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Post by shamwow on Apr 13, 2017 20:07:25 GMT -5
I don't want to practice dating. I want to practice oral sex. But, not with Shammy. I can't handle a ruck sack. My sack weighs 50 pounds. Good call.
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Post by greatcoastal on Apr 13, 2017 21:01:06 GMT -5
Hmmmm greatcoastal , is this something you actually WANT to do? Or just opening up a conversation about it? If you do want to do this - which I honestly think is a GREAT idea, I suggest striking up a conversation with a lady of your choosing somewhere like the gym. Since, I'm pretty sure, your wife and kids go to the same church as you, probs best to do this with someone that doesn't know the family There are ways to approach women that come off as just plain creepy, and, conversely, ways that come off as charming. All imho of course. I'm def no expert! I'm positive you will do just fine out in the big bad dating world, but, maybe a thread where we offer "tips" to increase the odds of a positive response would be helpful. I for one can't wait to start dating again. Ups and downs sure, but, at least there is POTENTIAL for something positive. So much better than the quicksand some of us are standing in. I actually have done this before, three times. All of them started as friendships, and remain friendships. They knew much about my SM coming to an end. I knew about their rugged past (to a point) and their history which included divorce. We agreed to a nice night out together. Dinner, walks by the river, or the beach, with hours of ongoing conversation. What we thought of as a practice date. It felt supper nice to open car doors for a lady, pull out her chair, show her how to dance, and have a nice goodbye embrace. Finally a give and receive evening!! All things that my stbx ruined a long time ago. (no need for details) I could later ask, after our night out (practice date)" do you think a woman would be interested in a guy like me, after this divorce is over?" It was a good moral booster. It felt "safe". Nothing to hide, or feel guilty about since I am still married, legally. Oh, I chose to go to a different church, alone, months before the announcement of divorce. Even that was a control issue. Why we stayed at a church that we got little out of it, but they had some activities for the kids, was another form of control over my decisions. Another "all for the kids" issue.
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Post by unmatched on Apr 14, 2017 0:26:25 GMT -5
I don't want to practice dating. I want to practice oral sex. But, not with Shammy. I can't handle a ruck sack. Not even a small, slim rucksack?
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Post by greatcoastal on Apr 14, 2017 6:22:26 GMT -5
This resonates for me. But I haven't tried it by saying these actual words. So far, each of the times that I thought it was a practice date, I've ended up naked in bed with the gentleman (that word is rather loosely applied here). One went horribly. One went pretty great. None gave feedback, really. My brain says this approach should work. But I'm not sure how people without the SM experience would actually take this sort of an invite. It seems & feels open & honest to me. But I'm not sure how rare open & honest IS in the actual dating world, and I guess I always chicken out instead of expressing it - because I figure it will be received in the wrong way (that is - I am afraid it will insult someone, I guess?) There was a lady on here that I shared many things with about our SM's. She said," we have so much in common, your like a brother to me". We were like therapists for each other. We are both still married. She has fallen off the planet for a while. She wants/needs to get her own life together. I happen to be a year or two ahead of her. I understand and respect that. Their are woman a year or two ahead of me that I know. My time will come to start dating. Had she lived closer I would have offered a "practice date". Keeping the friendship at a friendship level. The SM is already a sinking boat. No need to rock the boat or sink it all at once.
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Post by greatcoastal on Jan 22, 2020 9:57:03 GMT -5
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Post by carl on Jan 22, 2020 14:57:05 GMT -5
greatcoastal that sounds like an amazing idea. There are so many little subtleties that you miss out on in a SM in terms of just talking and sharing thoughts and some time. I got chatting to a woman by chance that I’d never met before. I didn’t want it to lead anywhere and would not have let it but it was good to just have the company and connect a little for a while. Sex hardly crossed my mind but there was a huge relief and pleasure in knowing that she would talk to me. My self esteem changed a lot. So yes I think practice dates could be a life saver.
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