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Post by javba on Mar 24, 2019 10:11:41 GMT -5
G'day, my name is Alex and I'm an alcoholic... Woops, wrong group. My name is Alex and currently I go months at a time without anything more than a small touch here and there from my wife. We have two children, 6 & 3, and we do all love each otger very much. I work in IT at a local office supplies retailer where I am employed as the IT Service Coordinator and Warehouse Manager, two very different roles I know but in a small business in a small town you can't be good at only one thing. My hobbies include going to work and coming home. I found this group through Reddit, someone has posted on a disucssion in a Sexless Marriage thread a link to this group so I thought to take a look and join up myself. I'm hoping to make some friends and hopefully receive access to the magic 'Fix my Marriage' formula while I'm here. Thank you all and goodnight. Thank you very much for coming here and introducing yourself. I would encourage you to look into other areas of the forum and participate at least ask questions that may help you get feedback. I feel personally that inaction is the worst enemy of our existence in sexless marriages.
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Post by javba on Mar 24, 2019 10:12:37 GMT -5
G'day, my name is Alex and I'm an alcoholic... Woops, wrong group. My name is Alex and currently I go months at a time without anything more than a small touch here and there from my wife. We have two children, 6 & 3, and we do all love each otger very much. I work in IT at a local office supplies retailer where I am employed as the IT Service Coordinator and Warehouse Manager, two very different roles I know but in a small business in a small town you can't be good at only one thing. My hobbies include going to work and coming home. I found this group through Reddit, someone has posted on a disucssion in a Sexless Marriage thread a link to this group so I thought to take a look and join up myself. I'm hoping to make some friends and hopefully receive access to the magic 'Fix my Marriage' formula while I'm here. Thank you all and goodnight. BTW keep the sense of humor it is always your umbrella on a rainy day
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Post by worksforme2 on Mar 24, 2019 10:21:52 GMT -5
I'm hoping to make some friends and hopefully receive access to the magic 'Fix my Marriage' formula while I'm here. Thank you all and goodnight. It's highly likely you can make some friends here since you share the unfortunate situation of being in a SM with the rest on this group. But it's also highly unlikely that you will find the magic elixir, silver bullet, miracle concoction, or secret formula that will "Fix My Marriage". Some time spent reading the stories and histories of the membership will reveal that those things aren't on the menu. Not entirely impossible, but highly unlikely.
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Post by angeleyes65 on Mar 24, 2019 10:36:18 GMT -5
isome I would use the counseling more for dealing with the stress and guilt during the working your exit plan. Keeps you strong. Opening up of course let's you verbalize and let go. Most of us end up counter refusers. I'm definitely in that group. Once I gave in to his insistence of "trying" which would have been reset sex cried through it. We didn't finish and I felt icky.
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Post by angeleyes65 on Mar 24, 2019 10:40:49 GMT -5
alexjsell welcome. I'm sure there are more details to come. Love your sense of humor. Everyone's details are different it might be fixable . Wishing nothing but the best for you
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Post by saarinista on Mar 24, 2019 11:35:01 GMT -5
Thanks ladies I am 43 and know that I don’t want to spend this decade like the last. Ive started to see a counselor, but I haven’t yet opened up about my SM. I really feel I’ve passed the point of wanting sex and intimacy from H. I just know that if he came to me for sex tonight I’d not agree. After all this time he’s rejected me I can’t even think of being intimate with him anymore. Maybe I am feeling hurt or resentful....hmmm...does that make me the person withholding? I need to start some real conversations with H. I just don’t know if I’m ready for that stress yet. girl, just start talking. spit it out! when you're ready. but seriously, Time's a Wastin and the conversation is never easy especially at first. Definitely say something to your therapist ASAP because you're paying for that time. And by the way, not only do you not want to spend the next decade like this, but you don't want to spend the decade after and after and after like this either. At 43 you couldhave many sexless decades coming . unless you act now. 😩
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isome
New Member
Posts: 7
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Post by isome on Mar 24, 2019 11:39:42 GMT -5
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Post by solodriver on Mar 24, 2019 14:44:39 GMT -5
Hi 👋 new reader and new member. I’ve been in a SM for about 9 out of my 21 years of marriage. We have three kids together, two of them are in college and one is 11. H and I are great roommates and parent well together. I am feeling pretty lost and I’m not sure what to do, separate, divorce, extramarital associate, stay and be grateful for all I do have and if I want to do anything at all. I do know that without love and affection after all this time I feel like I’m beginning to doubt myself as a woman.....and that feels worse than his rejection. I will continue to read and learn here on this forum and appreciate that I am not alone here. isome, I would encourage to read the posts from choosinghappy about how she dealt with her SM. Her posts and threads start back in I think Nov 2017. You can look her up in the Members tab, and when you pull up her information you'll see a place to see all her posts and threads. To make sense of it all you go the last page and start from the bottom of the page and go up. You will be able to see how she dealt with the situation and it's amazing to me to see where she was and where she is now. I've learned so much from her experience and am putting a lot of her wisdom into my exiting my SM.
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Post by DryCreek on Mar 24, 2019 16:49:13 GMT -5
isome, welcome. Kudos on getting counseling. Don’t keep secrets from the counselor, or the help you get won’t be relevant. It can be very potent to better understand yourself and why you feel / do / react the way you do. For me, better introspection has been the silver lining in this saga. Do have an “eyes wide open” approach to counseling. They aren’t mystics, just a seasoned 3rd-party perspective and a great sounding board. “Help me cope with staying” or “help me work through leaving” are valid expectations. “Fix my spouse” is beyond their ability and yours.
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Post by alexjsell on Mar 24, 2019 20:45:37 GMT -5
I found the magic formula! It's: 1 part Elephant Tranquilizer 3 part Whiskey Take 1lt as needed or whenever thoughts of sex may arise. Possible side effects may include dizziness, slurred speech, deep sleep and a complete and utter ability to give a damn.
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Post by saarinista on Mar 25, 2019 1:41:59 GMT -5
I found the magic formula! It's: 1 part Elephant Tranquilizer 3 part Whiskey Take 1lt as needed or whenever thoughts of sex may arise. Possible side effects may include dizziness, slurred speech, deep sleep and a complete and utter ability to give a damn. yes, but noooo! try yoga instead. or outsourcing. or a vibrator.
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Post by flashjohn on Mar 25, 2019 10:09:44 GMT -5
Hi 👋 new reader and new member. I’ve been in a SM for about 9 out of my 21 years of marriage. We have three kids together, two of them are in college and one is 11. H and I are great roommates and parent well together. I am feeling pretty lost and I’m not sure what to do, separate, divorce, extramarital associate, stay and be grateful for all I do have and if I want to do anything at all. I do know that without love and affection after all this time I feel like I’m beginning to doubt myself as a woman.....and that feels worse than his rejection. I will continue to read and learn here on this forum and appreciate that I am not alone here. Well, the first step is to try to talk to him. There are some refusers who actually listen.
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Post by worksforme2 on Mar 27, 2019 17:29:11 GMT -5
Hi 👋 new reader and new member. I’ve been in a SM for about 9 out of my 21 years of marriage. We have three kids together, two of them are in college and one is 11. H and I are great roommates and parent well together. I am feeling pretty lost and I’m not sure what to do, separate, divorce, extramarital associate, stay and be grateful for all I do have and if I want to do anything at all. I do know that without love and affection after all this time I feel like I’m beginning to doubt myself as a woman.....and that feels worse than his rejection. I will continue to read and learn here on this forum and appreciate that I am not alone here. Well, the first step is to try to talk to him. There are some refusers who actually listen. Some of them may indeed listen. But it seems the lesson plan for that day doesn't stay with most of them. My X listened. She even volunteered that she had broken the marriage vows by her actions and inaction. However that didn't result in a long term change in her behavior. About 3 months was all she could go before returning to old habits.
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Post by ngreenwood57 on Mar 30, 2019 13:42:40 GMT -5
Angry, sad, resigned are all natural feelings when put in this situation, but the worst is the desperation. The desperation comes from the fear of not finding that one connection.
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Post by ngreenwood57 on Mar 30, 2019 13:48:36 GMT -5
Angry, sad, resigned are all natural feelings when put in this situation, but the worst is the desperation. The desperation comes from the fear of not finding that one connection.
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