olaf
New Member
Posts: 6
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Post by olaf on Nov 9, 2018 15:38:09 GMT -5
Hi Isolina! I am not sure what has happened in your life since I am writing for the first time and it is almost end of 2018. Anyways, I have to tell you that perhaps I could in some way "help", or, better, provide a different perspective because I am, it seems, pretty much like your husband. So, my wife has your kind of problem. I will not go into any length now because it does not make any sense if you are no longer on this forum. But if you are and have read this, please let me know and then I can elaborate on how it is with me.
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olaf
New Member
Posts: 6
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Post by olaf on Nov 9, 2018 17:30:33 GMT -5
Hi everybody! My name for this forum is Olaf. I am 46 and married for 11 years. I love my wife really really much, she and our family is really what makes it all worth living. I lived quite a selfish life until I met her, doing virtually only what I wanted to do, with little or no responsibilities other than myself. Was married once before when I was too young for it to make any sense (21-24), thankfully with no kids. Now we have a beautiful 8yo boy and it turns out that at this moment, from the perspective of my wife, he is the only bond between us that is left. I don't feel like that at all, and I have the feeling that I totally live for her, him and my stepson, 19yo, who lives with us. But, life is not what we think it is, but what it really is, and that is the biggest problem in relationships... In our marriage, I am the one with sexual problems, the one guilty for a sexless marriage.
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onlyhuman
Junior Member
Learning to be all right with what I want.
Posts: 30
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Post by onlyhuman on Nov 14, 2018 21:30:53 GMT -5
Hi. I am a long time (6 months or so) lurker who is not very comfortable posting to public forums like this as there always seems to be so many people with much more wisdom than I could offer.
I have been married for over 18 years with the last five or so being classified as sexless. There are many issues in our relationship that have contributed to our SM (many of which others have experienced as well). I will post my story some time soon.
I do want to say that I really appreciate what I have learned so far from this forum. It feels like a very real, yet welcoming space.
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Post by Handy on Nov 14, 2018 22:19:28 GMT -5
onlyhuman, welcome to the forum. When i poster on another forum 10 years ago, it felt strange to me but now I do not have any reservations about posting. No one expects you to have a high amount of wisdom to post because generally it takes several years to figure out what works and what does not work. Add in the facts that every relationship is a bit different and you are a bit different, there is no hard and fast rules that fit every situation.
The wisdom comes from the people that have been here a long time and/or from the people that made major changes regarding their individual relationships. There are no black or white choices. Life is more complicated. What I will say the people like to help others living in sexless marriages.
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Post by isthisit on Nov 14, 2018 22:58:14 GMT -5
Onlyhuman welcome to the forum. I am also very new after lurking for some time, and share your reservations. I found it very welcome and also disconcerting to discover that many, many strangers shared my experiences which I had believed to be unique to me. After a period of reflection I have found that this understanding has reduced my feelings of isolation, which has been good for me. Reading stories of the journeys of others has enabled me to begin to see a clearer path, which is encouraging and also makes me a bit wobbly at times too. Please keep reading and hopefully benefitting from this generous community.
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Post by baza on Nov 15, 2018 0:10:19 GMT -5
Welcome to the zoo onlyhuman . Whatever emotions you are currently dealing with - someone here has been through the same thing. Whatever thoughts you are having about your situation - someone here has been through the same thing. Whatever actions you might be considering, yep, someone here has been through that too. It is a good resource, feel free to plug in.
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onlyhuman
Junior Member
Learning to be all right with what I want.
Posts: 30
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Post by onlyhuman on Nov 15, 2018 14:43:54 GMT -5
Thank you, isthisit, handy, & baza for your words of support and your perspectives. I am currently is the "stay" camp leaning toward leaving, but needing to better understand myself and my situation first. I am getting a bit excited and apprehensive at the same time regarding this next phase of my life. š²
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Post by arr4045 on Nov 17, 2018 22:20:00 GMT -5
Hello, I am a 40 yr old male. I have been married for 18 yrs as of this December. I have been going though bouts of sexless marriage over the years. They've come and gone in the past. After a pretty "exciting" and wild 2016-2017 couple of months sexually (after a down period) we are now in a place of sexual drought due to medical conditions. Some days are better than others, but it makes me angry at all of the previously wasted times.
Hope to find common voices to commiserate here.
arr4045
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Post by baza on Nov 17, 2018 23:48:47 GMT -5
Within the membership, blokes 0f 40 in an ILIASM deal are well represented. So whatever you are feeling about your situation, there'll be blokes here who have "been there". Whatever you might be thinking about your situation, there'll be blokes who have already thought it. If you are contemplating some sort of action, then again, there'll be blokes here who have done it. This group has the potential to be a really good resource for you Brother arr4045 .
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Post by frustrated on Nov 18, 2018 6:52:45 GMT -5
Iām very grateful to have come across this place. I had no idea so many people suffer from this Crippling situation. I have found some peace just knowing Iām not alone. I am hoping to find some relief and answers here. I am feeling like Iām in a hopeless relationship. We have been together only 2 1/2 years and itās been sexless for 2. I am still in denial I guess that I can fix this. Ha, I understand I cannot really, letās say I just havenāt accepted it yet. I donāt know what to do. I feel Iāve tried everything l. We have talked about it over and over and he promises to get help, but never follows through. Any help to this newbie is appreciated.
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Post by h on Nov 18, 2018 7:48:51 GMT -5
Welcome frustrated to the club nobody wants to be in. Feel free to share more of your story by creating a new thread in the Sexless Marriage Issues folder. More people will see it and you will get more responses. I'm sorry you had to look for this group, but I'm glad you found it and I hope it will help. Whatever you have been through, someone here has also.
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Post by isthisit on Nov 18, 2018 10:18:14 GMT -5
Welcome frustrated, I have found this community very helpful in coming to terms with the reality of my situation, and how best to move forward from here- I hope you will too. The folks here are wise, generous and empathetic as many have travelled or are travelling this road too.
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Post by sadkat on Nov 18, 2018 11:50:46 GMT -5
Iām very grateful to have come across this place. I had no idea so many people suffer from this Crippling situation. I have found some peace just knowing Iām not alone. I am hoping to find some relief and answers here. I am feeling like Iām in a hopeless relationship. We have been together only 2 1/2 years and itās been sexless for 2. I am still in denial I guess that I can fix this. Ha, I understand I cannot really, letās say I just havenāt accepted it yet. I donāt know what to do. I feel Iāve tried everything l. We have talked about it over and over and he promises to get help, but never follows through. Any help to this newbie is appreciated. Welcome to this very supportive group. Please tell us more of your story. A lot of us are in the same boat you are. Knowing you are struggling with the same issues the rest of us are will be immensely helpful.
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Post by Handy on Nov 18, 2018 16:44:07 GMT -5
arr4045, welcome to the forum to which you would rather not belong. You have lots of company on this forum from both men and women that are in a situation similar to yours. Read as many threads as you can and start your own thread.
We have suck it up stayers, stay for now, people doing their own personal counseling, people doing couple counseling, people waiting for some event like kids leaving home and then divorcing, people ready to divorce, people with a partner they have sex on the down-low with someone that is not their spouse, we have people that got theoir refusing spouse agree to a hall-pass (OK's sex outside of marriage, people that divorced and are looking or foune a sexual relationship, and people that got out of a sexless marriage many years ago and are having sex with a more compatible partner.
It is up to you so make your story and we will read it and hopefully expand on it.
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Post by nantucketdreamer on Nov 21, 2018 10:58:01 GMT -5
Thank you for this site. I have been faithfully married to my husband for 25 years. The past 10 have been sexless. Early in our marriage sex was fun and regular.
Now, he has absolutely no interest in sex. Zero interest. On our 25th wedding anniversary we traveled to Paris for a week. On the final day of the trip, after having no sex the entire time, I told him I was leaving our marriage. He begged and pleaded for me to stay. He went to the doctor when we got home and came up with a āplanā to reduce stress, exercise, etc. He has no medical problems. Itās now 6 months later and nothing has changed. Still no sex - ever.
He is a wonderful man. He hugs me, holds my hand, brings me coffee in bed every single morning, callls me and texts me all throughout his day, and we even still have a date night out every week. Weāve never even slept in separate bedrooms. I just canāt live without sexual intimacy.
I just donāt know what to do .....
As a side note - Five years ago, when we began talking about the problem, he tried Viagra and hated it as it felt unnatural to him. He stopped taking it within 3 months.
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