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Post by bballgirl on Jul 1, 2018 7:38:30 GMT -5
Well, I used to be a part of this ILIASM thing when it was active on Experience Project. I was sorry to see that go, but here I am again (and not much has changed). Yep, I'm still a part of that group "no one really wants to be a part of". Been married for 35 years and the last 7 have been a complete dry spell (and the 3 years before that were getting pretty slim) so it seems I qualify. But since this forum is dedicated to our common problem, I guess we will all have a lot to talk about. So from that standpoint, it's great to be aboard. We'll see where this goes. J from Missouri. Welcome back I hope you can find comfort and support here.
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Post by GeekGoddess on Jul 1, 2018 8:20:25 GMT -5
Hey spartan92 - I remember your screen name from EP. Welcome back- sorry to hear nothing much has changed in your situation. I’m also in Missouri! (Not many in this group are) Good to see you on the forum. I wish you strength & resilience navigating the mine field of SM.
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Post by steve08 on Jul 5, 2018 10:26:49 GMT -5
Hi
I am new to this
Does anyone know how you can send private messages on here?
Thanks
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Post by h on Jul 5, 2018 12:20:00 GMT -5
Hi I am new to this Does anyone know how you can send private messages on here? Thanks Click on the member and there should be an option to send a message to the person.
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Post by rodney on Jul 7, 2018 18:53:20 GMT -5
Hello people, I too am part of a sexless relationship. I met the woman I'm with the mother of my daughter with whom after dating for 6 months, got pregnant. We stayed together for my daughters sake and never married. We both agreed to this situation. Sex was often before she got pregnant and continued for a few months after but stopped soon there after. Since then (15 years ago)i think sex happened 4 times and stopped more than 10 years ago. Ive been faithful all this time but I'm in need of intimacy only a man and a woman can share. Ive decided to wait till our daughter goes off to college before i leave this relationship(another 3 years or so). My daughter's mental health is most important.I just don't know where to turn. Other than sex things are good. I want for nothing but a robust sex life and a sincere and emotionally positive interaction and desire to be with the woman I'm with.i want to be excited to go home and find her there and visa versa. A truly loving relationship! Thanks for letting me get this off my chest so to speak and I'm looking forward to hearing from anyone who can relate. Rodney
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Post by GeekGoddess on Jul 7, 2018 19:27:54 GMT -5
Welcome rodney - I think most every one of us can relate. Read up on the stories/posts and chime in wherever you identify. I believe you’ll find a log material that resonates. (We term your plan “the college plan”) I hope you find the support you need from our group. We are generally a very direct outspoken, some may say terse, group but all opinions are intended as helpful not accusing. Take what helps - and the rest, just take with a grain of salt or leave it. Welcome to the club that no one wants to qualify for.
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Post by baza on Jul 7, 2018 19:49:28 GMT -5
G'day Brother rodney . Most people arrive here saying - "everything is great bar the sex". But as peoples wider story emerges, that position is invariably found to be flawed and it is far more usual to find a situation where there is deep dysfunction in the marriage, plus not even some basic sex to compensate. So my suggestion is that you take a real hard and objective look at your deal. Is it the truth that "everything is great bar the sex" ? (It is, apparently, so "great" that you are looking at getting out once your kid goes to college in 3 years time) Anyway, the starting point is to have a real good and completely objective look at your deal, and get a handle on the truth of the situation. From there, the questions start to get very difficult indeed. Welcome to the zoo Brother rodney .
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Post by elynne on Jul 9, 2018 2:03:10 GMT -5
Hello people, I too am part of a sexless relationship. I met the woman I'm with the mother of my daughter with whom after dating for 6 months, got pregnant. We stayed together for my daughters sake and never married. We both agreed to this situation. Sex was often before she got pregnant and continued for a few months after but stopped soon there after. Since then (15 years ago)i think sex happened 4 times and stopped more than 10 years ago. Ive been faithful all this time but I'm in need of intimacy only a man and a woman can share. Ive decided to wait till our daughter goes off to college before i leave this relationship(another 3 years or so). My daughter's mental health is most important.I just don't know where to turn. Other than sex things are good. I want for nothing but a robust sex life and a sincere and emotionally positive interaction and desire to be with the woman I'm with.i want to be excited to go home and find her there and visa versa. A truly loving relationship! Thanks for letting me get this off my chest so to speak and I'm looking forward to hearing from anyone who can relate. Rodney Welcome rodney. I’m glad you found our motley crew. Not a place anyone wants to be, but there is a wealth of hard earned wisdom among the members here. Folks that will point out the hard truths without sugar coating. If you can bear looking into the mirror that some will hold up for you, you can get a clearer perspective on the issues and your choices. As a parent too, one of the things that weighs heaviest on my mind are the repercussions on the children raised in a dysfunctional family. As you become clearer on the problems in your relationship and the impact they have on your daughter, consider talking with her openly about the things that you believe are important in a good relationship. You can have a positive impact in making her aware of what to look for in a healthy relationship and what red flags to watch out for.
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Post by nyctos on Jul 10, 2018 10:26:52 GMT -5
I suppose I'm a little late introducing myself, having already posted a number of times. However,a proper introduction may fill in some gaps and address some off the questions I never got around to answering.
I was very shy growing up, and when I met w at 23 she was my first intimate relationship (there have been just two others, each of whom I was intimate with for only one night). We had a good sex life, usually at least every other night, and several times a day on vacations.
We were married when I was 26. It was a bit early, but her student/intern visa was about to expire. And we felt we were going to get married, so it was just moving up the date. Our ceremony was at city hall on our lunch break, and we had to hunt around in the lobby for a witness. Thanks, Mr. Gleick.
At the time,I was 5'9" and weighed 130. She wanted me to gain weight.
Sex was good for about another five years. Okay, well bjs only happened about twice, but I figured she didn't enjoy them and didn't push the issue.
She tends to view almost everything in transactional terms, keeping a strict mental ledger of who she owes favors. she was sometimes loathe to make friends because of the additional favors it might incur.
When we had our first child, our sex life took a dip. I didn't want to push her while she was pregnant, and for some months after I wanted to let her recover from the episiotomy. We gradually worked our way back up to semi-regular sex, though not nearly at the same frequency.
We have a ritual where every night I massage her feet and calves. This would sometimes lead to sex, if she didn't fall asleep. She completely stopped initiating sex. Even now, we still have this ritual, but it never leads anywhere.
After our second child, she started actively refusing. I would *always* have to massage her before sex, she *hated* being woken up, and sometimes she would just blurt, "don't touch me!" If I tried to initiate. This lead to a big decrease in frequency, as you might imagine -- maybe we'd have sex once every couple of months.
When we decided to have a third child, she put restrictions on sex to try to get the gender we were hoping for. These included only having sex within a certain number of days of her period, and making the sex itself as short and pleasureless as possible. Spoiler alert: how pleasurable sex is seems to have nothing to do with gender.
Anyway, since then sex has dwindled. I'm now on three straight years of none at all. While this is the longest stretch,I think before that three had been a two year dry spell, and then at least another year. When she'd first speed initiating, I would sometimes hold off, trying to see how long it would be before she would initiate. I never found out.
One of the last times we had sex, instead of feeling closer to her I felt farther away, hollow inside and depressed. I could never imagine wanting sex with a prostitute, without any emotional connection. Some have noted that my w's recent deals are like prostitution, and I don't really disagree. For this reason, even if/when I meet her demands I'm not sure I could bring myself to cash in, even though I still desire her.
I feel like if I were to leave her, I wouldn't be able to have a relationship again. I'd be too wary of what damage a woman might do.
The other two women I've been with still enter my mind from time to time. One was just as my relationship with w was starting, but one was...well, much more recent. Maybe I'll post on that someone soon.
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Post by workingonit on Jul 10, 2018 12:54:20 GMT -5
Thanks nyctos for sharing more. It is great you have been active here. Too many drop in and take off. I think those who stick around, who use this site as a tool for growth- one amongst many tools- there is wisdom and growth possible. Welcome!
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Post by saarinista on Jul 10, 2018 20:02:57 GMT -5
nyctos welcome. Sorry your marriage is going the way it is. It probably won't change unless you lay it on the line. Ultimatums usually necessary, but not neccessarily effective. :-(
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Post by elynne on Jul 11, 2018 2:21:35 GMT -5
Thanks nyctos for sharing more. It is great you have been active here. Too many drop in and take off. I think those who stick around, who use this site as a tool for growth- one amongst many tools- there is wisdom and growth possible. Welcome! Absolutely! You get out of this site what you’re willing to put in, in terms of honesty, self-reflection and accepting feedback.
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Post by wonderingsoul on Jul 13, 2018 7:00:24 GMT -5
Hi all,
This is a strange feeling sitting in front of this keyboard planning out how to tell strangers what has been on my mind in secret for so long.
I'm married to my lovely wife now for 19 years and have 2 beautiful children.
We have been and still are going trough some rough times regarding a chronic illness concerning my wife. Also my sun is currently going trough a though period in his young life.
In the past we had a normal sexlife up to a few years ago my wife started losing her interest in sex more and more up to a point where sex was almost non existing.
Even just intimacy like cuddling became something of the past and if something was happening this always seem to come from one side, making sure she was satisfied but when she was done it was over for me.
True I always initiated this hoping this would turn out in to a 2 person thing but it never did. She would fall asleep or turn her back to me and ignore my feelings. If I tried talking to her about it she would just point out I initiated it making her enjoy the feeling she did not say anything about returning the feeling.
As mentioned we are at a point now where she ignores me in bed, making me feel like perv just for longing to be intimate with her.
It makes you feel so worthless rejected. Giving you the feeling you are doing something wrong.
Sometimes the longing is so bad it turns in to just pure lust just wanting this release.
I try and soften the pain by chatting or writing erotic stories and some solo time but even this makes me feel guilty.
I love my wife but I long for a sexual relationship, the feeling of being desired or loved not rejected.
Leaving her is not an option for me but I feel trapped and frustrated.
Hope I did not offend anyone as I was maybe a bit to bold.
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Post by workingonit on Jul 13, 2018 7:22:01 GMT -5
Hi all, This is a strange feeling sitting in front of this keyboard planning out how to tell strangers what has been on my mind in secret for so long. I'm married to my lovely wife now for 19 years and have 2 beautiful children. We have been and still are going trough some rough times regarding a chronic illness concerning my wife. Also my sun is currently going trough a though period in his young life. In the past we had a normal sexlife up to a few years ago my wife started losing her interest in sex more and more up to a point where sex was almost non existing. Even just intimacy like cuddling became something of the past and if something was happening this always seem to come from one side, making sure she was satisfied but when she was done it was over for me. True I always initiated this hoping this would turn out in to a 2 person thing but it never did. She would fall asleep or turn her back to me and ignore my feelings. If I tried talking to her about it she would just point out I initiated it making her enjoy the feeling she did not say anything about returning the feeling. As mentioned we are at a point now where she ignores me in bed, making me feel like perv just for longing to be intimate with her. It makes you feel so worthless rejected. Giving you the feeling you are doing something wrong. Sometimes the longing is so bad it turns in to just pure lust just wanting this release. I try and soften the pain by chatting or writing erotic stories and some solo time but even this makes me feel guilty. I love my wife but I long for a sexual relationship, the feeling of being desired or loved not rejected. Leaving her is not an option for me but I feel trapped and frustrated. Hope I did not offend anyone as I was maybe a bit to bold. Not too bold at all! Read around this site and you will see what I mean. Anyway, welcome. You are amongst fellow sufferers and there is strength in that.
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Post by wonderingsoul on Jul 13, 2018 7:39:16 GMT -5
Thank you Workingonit.
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