|
Post by GeekGoddess on May 14, 2018 22:31:42 GMT -5
Hi everyone. M, late 50’s. I have been in an increasingly-sexless marriage since the birth of our eldest child—now in college. The last (as in final, not most recent) attempt at reset sex has now collapsed and I am thinking seriously about an exit plan. (When I “think seriously,” I almost always carry through.) This site seems to have a lot of info which I will be taking in. For now, just hi. Welcome to the club no one wished to qualify for. It’s an excellent place to vent, find support, & see what others find effective for coping with or leaving their SM. I hope you’ll read up & find some parts helpful. For me, just finding the group was a relief. And seeing the gender make up. Amazing to learn I was not alone in the experience after all.
|
|
|
Post by richards on May 15, 2018 7:03:29 GMT -5
Hi everyone (trying this again): M, late 50’s, in an increasingly sexless marriage since the birth of our eldest child— now in college. The last attempt at reset sex has collapsed (last, as in “final,” not “most recent”) and I am now working on an exit strategy. There seems to be a lot of information here, as well as collective experience. I am sure that I will have question, comments, etc.; but for now, just Hello.
|
|
|
Post by bballgirl on May 15, 2018 21:02:13 GMT -5
Welcome richards Sorry you have found yourself here but we are a great group and I hope you can find support and comfort here.
|
|
|
Post by eork99 on May 16, 2018 0:22:33 GMT -5
Married guy here, late 30s, wife is 35. Story is pretty basic: she seems to have lost interest in sex. It happens monthly now, maybe slightly more, but very insatisfactory. would love to discuss one-on-one via email chat with either married men or women in similar situation: paulr7899@gmail.com
|
|
|
Post by workingonit on May 18, 2018 13:25:18 GMT -5
Well....how about a reintroduction? While I wish to all that is holy that I would not ever have to come back here....I have really missed many of you and your wise words (and crude humor;) An update on my life: From November to January my h was really dedicated to working on our relationship. I was really pretty hopeful and we were honestly and truly working on deep patterns and issues in our relationship through therapy and lots of deep conversations. There was even daily cuddling, hand holding in public (*GASP*) and some lovely kissing. In January, out of nowhere, my h was diagnosed with stage 3 kidney cancer. (I think it was choosinghappy that brought that up in a thread, no?) Well, color me shocked. Suddenly we were deeply connected together and really going through this horrible path together. While it was scary and stressful there was something beautiful about it as well. We continued out therapy work although much of it was focused on the cancer. I can hear you all- "what about your sex life?" Yeah, no sex life to speak of. None. Ironically (or not, really) my 14 year old son who has long struggled with severe depression and anxiety and mood dysfunction started smoking pot in January as well. He quickly has become an intense daily pot smoker to the exclusion of all else. FML So, needless to say my lack of a sex life has not been a priority. In therapy we uncovered that I have lots of anger at my h for basically checking out in parenting our son due to his issues. I alone have met with drs and therapists and done trainings in how to provide him the therapeutic support at home. I have spent countless hours homeschooling him and just sitting with him when he wanted to hurt himself. I have put aside my friendships, my career, my life to help this child. It was no sacrifice; I love my children with my whole heart. But I have had to do so much parenting alone and I have so much resentment for my h for this. So now, my h is totally in remission and feeling great again after having his kidney removed. He is back to focusing on his PhD studies. He is back to not making much effort to connect with me. My son is in bad shape and I am facing it alone again. And we stopped therapy in early April. My h literally said "I think we can stop. We're in a really good place now." Literally. Actually I think he is right. We are as good as we can be. We are friends. We laugh together and we talk about interesting topics. I do love him and wish the best for him. But even with our best effort, there is no passion to rekindle. Even facing his mortality, there was no passion. Even facing a son on the brink of drug addiction we are not really together. I am going through the motions, hanging on by a thread most days. Feeling kind of sad and lonely, despite the fact that I am well supported by my 3 very close friends. SM is lonely as hell. SO, here I am. Back with this hilarious group of survivors. Going to go read through some of the stuff I have missed. Hope you all have been having a better few months than I have!!
|
|
|
Post by hopingforachange on May 18, 2018 13:32:15 GMT -5
|
|
|
Post by GeekGoddess on May 18, 2018 14:22:02 GMT -5
workingonit - welcome back, with deep empathy. My Ex’s cancer issues were another nail, or maybe the main one, in my marriage’s coffin. I always thought IF he would have done counseling, things could have been different. Reading your tale reminds me that what was meant to happen is what happened. Sorry to welcome you back, but glad to have you back on the board, too. Struggling as a single parent would in some ways be easier than struggling with sole parenting with the H around. I’m sad to hear you’re going it mostly on your own in this regard. OTOH, really good news that you have close friends who will help support you.
|
|
|
Post by choosinghappy on May 18, 2018 14:24:54 GMT -5
@workingonit Good to see you back here, I was just thinking about you the other day! But that is a rough update :-( I'm sorry. You described everything that has happened over the past handful of months but nothing about whether or not it has changed things in your mind when it comes to staying in your SM. New post??
(And I don't think you need a reintroduction ;-)
HUGS
|
|
|
Post by h on May 18, 2018 14:50:04 GMT -5
Sorry to see you back here workingonit but welcome anyway.
|
|
|
Post by bballgirl on May 18, 2018 17:25:53 GMT -5
workingonitWelcome back and I'm sorry you have had some tough challenges in your life. Stay strong for your son, addiction is tough and it's a sickness but you are nipping it in the bud and at least you are aware of his problem. So many parents have no clue. Teenage years are tough. I'm glad you have come to that realization about your H. I think with understanding what they are capable of and are not is a good thing and peace can come from that whether we stay or not. He doesn't want sex, passion, and intimacy but it doesn't mean you are not entitled to it. Everyone has to make choices that are good for their own lives.
|
|
|
Post by baza on May 18, 2018 19:10:20 GMT -5
The triple whammy Sister workingonit . Feeling for you. Parenting is a hard gig, even if there are two contributing parents, let alone just one. Marriage is a hard gig. even if there are two contributors, let alone just one. It would be more than understandable that you have a load of resentment on board. How could you not ?
|
|
xfoo
New Member
Posts: 15
Age Range: 41-45
|
Post by xfoo on May 19, 2018 2:54:11 GMT -5
I found the ILIASM at experienceproject 7 or 8 years ago. I was angry at the time. I'm less angry now. More amused. I amuse myself. Sometimes I amuse myself at her expense.
|
|
|
Post by suiteone on May 25, 2018 15:15:33 GMT -5
Hello. I cry every time I log onto this site because I’m here and would rather not be. I guess it’s the same for all, more or less.
I’m in my second marriage now for 10 years and never dreamed for the life of me, that it would become sexless. I think unpacked baggage from each of our previous marriages contributed to much conflict resulting in lack of desire. I think my husband seemed to be of the mindset that we needed to be getting along perfectly for intimacy to be brought back into the equation, while I felt that more intimacy would help us get along better!
Now, with medical issues and seemingly no desire to do anything about it, I am left alone. At least now we’re much more cordial with one another...there is that.
But I’m so lonely and frustrated and one night I simply googled, “help I’m in a sexless marriage.” I found this forum, so...here I am. There is indeed so much more, but that’s me for now. I hope I can figure out how to navigate this site!
Thank you.
|
|
|
Post by bballgirl on May 25, 2018 15:32:53 GMT -5
@siteone Welcome to the club no one wants to be in. I hope you can find some comfort and support here.
|
|
|
Post by saarinista on May 30, 2018 4:17:23 GMT -5
Hi everyone. M, late 50’s. I have been in an increasingly-sexless marriage since the birth of our eldest child—now in college. The last (as in final, not most recent) attempt at reset sex has now collapsed and I am thinking seriously about an exit plan. (When I “think seriously,” I almost always carry through.) This site seems to have a lot of info which I will be taking in. For now, just hi. Welcome to the forum. I hope you'll find the site helpful. I have! Looking forward to your participation.
|
|