|
Post by eternaloptimism on Dec 16, 2016 14:55:56 GMT -5
Thanks CT I really really think I should do that. There is an issue with finding the time for me. To do list never gets completed as it is...there's a whole forgotten about section that keeps getting pushed to the bottom already. Maybe I should re-prioritise and delegate some stuff now the kids are older. Ten minutes, every night before bed. Or first thing in the morning with your first cup of coffee. That's what i do. But that's my time for here and orgasms
|
|
harveyspecter
New Member
Once a guy who had a lot to say and little to learn. Now has a lot to learn and little to say.
Posts: 9
|
Post by harveyspecter on Dec 16, 2016 16:29:30 GMT -5
With the others on the pills - I feel like the anxiety - if not debilitating, helps you move towards a solution - but who am I to talk? I am not a doctor, pill free and still here... Super impressed by your ability to get them on the spot before seeing the head doctor. Your country handles that differently! Anywho - individual therapy has been helpful for me in that I am trying really hard to remove my self-deprecating language. She points out instances I didn't even know I was being unkind to myself. I am coming up with a mantra now - one that I have to keep telling myself to put me back in the right frame of mind. Think Stuart Smalley ... "I am good enough, smart enough and gosh darn-it, people like me." Truly, I thought I had a pretty healthy ego, but it turns out - nope. We are also in couple's counseling which I am not sure is working, but it is at least aggressive. The journaling would have come in handy - I am pouring through my old stories to work on my "resentment" list for next week's homework. I have found that I have forgiven and forgotten a lot of stuff. My list is very, very long. Good luck to you EO! This is excellent and I cannot wait to hear more about it Hugs! You mentioned something that is really interesting. I avoid fighting with my wife by always preceding any request for her to change by saying "Well, I know I'm no peach" or "I'm sure I piss you off plenty, but.." I tell her over and over that I'm a terrible husband and/or father. I didn't realize I was doing that. Or maybe not as much as I do.
|
|
|
Post by baza on Dec 16, 2016 16:48:32 GMT -5
Taking on the disrespectful tone of a spouse for yourself is an easy trap to fall in to. Trouble is, it legitimises the situation, re-affirms it, and makes you complicit in your own demise as an individual.
It is a habit to be avoided, or stopped.
|
|
|
Post by eternaloptimism on Dec 28, 2016 6:40:43 GMT -5
So I just had my 45 minute assessment call to get this therapy ball rolling.
Why did I bother putting my eyes on beforehand? I'm currently doing a shit impression of Alice Cooper.
I didn't intend to blub.... but I did.
The lady was lovely.
Essentially she's booked me on to a 4 week (4 x 1hr sessions) in a worry workshop. This is a group thing, but not like an AA meeting. Its more like classes of how to worry less. Given my natural urge to do super well in any class, I should fucking ace this bastard and be worry free after.... he he. See why I'm called eternal optimism!
Seriously though, I'm sure I won't be worry free, but I'm hopeful it will be useful.
After that, they'll reassess me and decide wether to go for counselling or CBT next.
There are tonnes of services they offer for free but you can only do 1 at a time.
I'm going to do as many as they'll let me. I want to smash this mother fucking personality disorder that's held me back so long if it's the last thing I do. I want to be me , free from my mental baggage.
the worry workshop doesn't start until March. Humph.
I'm not bloody waiting until then to dump him. This process of sorting out my noggin is going to be ongoing for a good while I think. Best if he's already gone. Or he'll keep fucking me over while I'm trying to fix myself. And I don't have space in my life for that.
I'll have another phone convo in a couple weeks. Then it's waiting for March.
I feeling quite alright about this whole thing today.
Elvis and The Soup Dragons know where I'm coming from!!
|
|
|
Post by JonDoe on Dec 28, 2016 7:33:46 GMT -5
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Dec 28, 2016 7:49:52 GMT -5
My two pennies worth. I worry about a GP prescribing meds for mental health as they have zero expertise in this area and you see this as he/she's uses a checklist to determine your needs, if it was that easy we wouldn't need a whole mental health profession. It like going to a GP and saying I have tooth ache.
The positive in this is you taking positive steps and I think that's wonderful and everyone agrees. I do worry when people do seek out therapy that they presume this is going to solve their problems but a good therapist should address expectations early on. good luck.
|
|
|
Post by eternaloptimism on Dec 28, 2016 9:34:13 GMT -5
Sadly not. We were debating between worry club and one2one. We both agreed both would be helpful but the rules say only 1 course of treatment at a time. I thought it was better to control the immediacy of the anxiety in order to start discussing the foundations of why I'm like this. Calm the fuck down then talk like grown ups so to speak lol!
|
|
|
Post by eternaloptimism on Dec 28, 2016 9:35:42 GMT -5
My two pennies worth. I worry about a GP prescribing meds for mental health as they have zero expertise in this area and you see this as he/she's uses a checklist to determine your needs, if it was that easy we wouldn't need a whole mental health profession. It like going to a GP and saying I have tooth ache. The positive in this is you taking positive steps and I think that's wonderful and everyone agrees. I do worry when people do seek out therapy that they presume this is going to solve their problems but a good therapist should address expectations early on. good luck. Yeah... I do tend get giddy with excitement thinking I'm gonna conquer the world at first ! Must watch that!!
|
|
|
Post by eternaloptimism on Apr 7, 2017 1:56:39 GMT -5
Finally. Today is the day. Worry reduction workshop number 1. The letter says there is no parking. That worries me
|
|
|
Post by tamara68 on Apr 7, 2017 3:36:05 GMT -5
Good luck! And please share some good tips. I am worried all the time.
|
|
|
Post by nancyb on Apr 7, 2017 5:03:17 GMT -5
Hope the session is helpful EO.
|
|
|
Post by nolongerlonely on Apr 7, 2017 6:22:53 GMT -5
Sending positive thoughts for the session too. I worry about everything, and get very sad sometimes. I went to the GP about two years ago, and it was really a big step to tell her all about my life. And all she could say is 'how can I help you' And so as I did not know the answer, I left. It made me even worse. I think its a coin toss if you get a good gp, or a good therapist. So really hope you get on well with it. Dont worry about the parking !!
|
|
|
Post by Dan on Apr 7, 2017 15:58:47 GMT -5
(I didn't notice the OP was from four months ago until AFTER I finished by reply. Oh well, I'll let it stand anyways....)so I've been saying forever that I need therapy. ... I had my appointment with the doctor to ask to be referred. Bless him, he was a temp and I was the first patient on his first day. I was brief, to the point and shed zero tears...poor lad didn't need that on his first day! I explained about frustrated I am at my own lack of assertiveness and that I understand a bit about why I'm like this. I explained I've read a lot and feel I need help to stop allowing myself to doormat-ised (yes its a new word) He made me fill out a questionnaire about how I feel and how often. He he told me I scored high...I was about to congratulate myself (I like doing well on tests) but then he said that's not a good thing and that he thought I should take some pills as well as go to therapy. I reluctantly agreed. I don't want to be zombified. He explained they'll help me to be less anxious about the situation and will also help me sleep (you may see me popping up on here at odd hours ha ha) OK... I gotta say that I'm a little unnerved that "Step 1" is "pop these pills". It sounds to me like you more likely need: 1) talk therapy. (weekly.) 2) sex. (several times a week.) It is more unnerving that this is "patient one of day one of the new guy". I mean, it is not like your long term regular doctor who knows you better has concluded "time to hit the pills". So, anyway, be careful. My experience with my family members who are taking various psychiatric medications is: you never REALLY know if one is going to work for you. Getting the balance of these meds that "works for you" may take months of patient fiddling... by a doctor you see REGULARLY; not the Dr Temporary. My experience with individual talk therapy has been very good; I highly recommend it. Please practice your assertiveness and get a referral and book and appointment ASAP.
|
|
|
Post by eternaloptimism on Apr 9, 2017 5:26:52 GMT -5
@dan do not fear, I binned the pills after a month I think it was. They were no good for me and I didn't want them in the first place.
So the session was honestly a waste of time for me.
It was mainly focussing on the difference between hypothetical worries v's real worries that you can do something about.
This sounds mean, but it's an accurate reflection of what happened, it was literally a room full of older women, who had so much time on their hands (supported by working husbands) that they filled their own heads with things like "my husband is 5 minutes late. He's either dead or shagging someone"
I wanted to say that it must me nice to have the luxury of enough time on your hands to make up silly scenarios. But I was well outnumbered haha.
So I just shut up and listened in awe.
All I could think about was how much work I could have been doing!
My worries are usually concerned with how the fuck am I going to get through this ridiculously long to-do list today without any assistance!
Next week is good Friday so it's 2 weeks til next session. And a final one the following week.
They are going to focus on techniques to help when the anxious feelings of worry arise... so that actually may be useful.
I have I complete this in order to get through to some proper counselling one on one.
I had a properly shitty week this week after an incident last weekend with the man. I don't want to go into details, but let me just briefly let you all know where I'm at.
I removed my ring a few weeks ago. This has led to him allegedly Stopping his prescription painkillers, and he "quit" Weed but has since bought 2 small bags compared to bags every 3 days.
He went out drinking with a friend (he hasn't done this for years) and when I picked him up he wasn't only drunk as a skunk but also coked off his face.
This led to a rather long and unpleasant sex session at his demand. I was not allowed to go to sleep Until he had done what he wanted to do. And I went along with it honestly for fear of what he would do if i didn't
I don't want to discuss it any further other than to say I know I have to get out.
And to do that I need to get my strength from counselling.
I will keep you all updated.
Love EO x
|
|
|
Post by Dan on Apr 9, 2017 6:36:21 GMT -5
OMG, EO! That sounds awful! In fact, I'm sorry to say it, but it sounds like rape.
I know you feel you just have to tough it out with your H's actions, but don't be some sort of martyr.
Part of me wants to say "report him immediately; if you can't get him removed from the household, for your safety you have to go". The other part of me senses you might be thinking of it this way: "it is already hard enough to figure out how I'm going to split with him, and very hard living with him until I do. Starting any sort of legal proceedings will just make everything worse." (OK: you can tell me if I'm wrong.)
Please, please protect yourself. Financially, emotionally, physically.
I wish we -- your ILIASM family -- could be there to help you out, even take you in.
|
|