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Post by eternaloptimism on Dec 16, 2016 5:34:28 GMT -5
Therapy is a good thing, with a good therapist. One who can "speak your language" - HOWEVER - the single most important thing a good therapist can do is give you "tools" (Get your mind out of the gutter -I'm being serious here. ) Idea's and ways to handle and cope with the things that arise everyday. (Seriously - stay focused.) You've taken a great first step. I look forward to you freeing the shining, vibrant, strong person you are. It will be a great thing to see. mwah. Thank you dearest. I really want to a. get rid of him and b. sort my stupid head out. Then the world is my oyster I cant wait for adventures!
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Post by eternaloptimism on Dec 16, 2016 5:35:38 GMT -5
That's a great first step! Congrats!! Xoxo Thanks bballgirl I'm glad I finally took this step...its been a long time coming! x
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Post by eternaloptimism on Dec 16, 2016 5:38:29 GMT -5
Great news! I'd also recommend you start keeping a journal, writing down what you're thinking and feeling as it comes to you. It'll be interesting to look back on and see how your thoughts and emotions are evolving over time. Pulling for you! Thanks CT I really really think I should do that. There is an issue with finding the time for me. To do list never gets completed as it is...there's a whole forgotten about section that keeps getting pushed to the bottom already. Maybe I should re-prioritise and delegate some stuff now the kids are older.
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Post by eternaloptimism on Dec 16, 2016 5:45:36 GMT -5
eternaloptimism - this is GREAT news - and it's kind of "good" to score well (high) on the test so that no one will drag feet getting you to someone. A good therapist doesn't tell us what they think we should do. You will need to be blunt to bring them up to speed on your situation and how much soul-searching you have already done. Don't let the therapist doormat-ise you, I mean. (It IS a verb, can be an adjective, and did start out as a great noun) I am so very happy for you taking care of yourself and your needs. Journals help! Both in the moment and later on as review. I'm really proud of you, you self-care angel! Thanks GG xx I'm a bit scared about going actually. I have gotten so matter of fact about the sexless relationship and my own codependency issues because I can chat to you guys so honestly that I don't really see myself outwardly showing much sign of the true inner picture. I'm worried they'll think i'm wasting their time. I know i have a tendency to make myself small and insignificant and play things down so as not to put anyone out....I need to watch myself when I go in to make sure I don't do that. I have to be brutally honest. I have to make myself. oh god scary! This reads really weird and contradictory I think maybe. I cant explain any better I hope itmakes a little sense.
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Post by eternaloptimism on Dec 16, 2016 5:49:13 GMT -5
Bring your Ipad with you and read your posts from here. That's your journaling. Especially the time when you where about to move out and live with your mom again. Oh dear god...the poor shrink might get an inferiority complex when he sees how much sound advice is on here. And, if hes even remotely good looking, actually, if hes anything other than horrific and I had him alone I'd end up just showing him the song of the day posts and having a therapeutic hour of dancing with him lol!
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Post by eternaloptimism on Dec 16, 2016 5:50:08 GMT -5
Well done Sister EO. This may be the start of something BIG, particularly as you pick up momentum. Cheers baza....keep your fingers crossed for me x
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Post by eternaloptimism on Dec 16, 2016 5:54:31 GMT -5
EO, I am worried about the pills. What are they? I have a lot of experience with psych meds, mostly giving them. Anti depressants cause more trouble in the long run. Anti anxiety meds can be a trap. Therapy, on the other hand, has much less side effects. Bravo! Hope the therapy goes well. It has done shit for wife and , but it can be helpful. They're Mirtazapine..15mg before bed According to the leaflet, they are going to make me fat, have a dry mouth (leading to excessive caries unless you are a tooth obsessive like moi), and be suicidal. That'll make the sexlessness seem less important though ha ha Have spent a few days really low after starting them...there have been tears I won't lie! Feeling better today though. We'll see what happens x
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Post by eternaloptimism on Dec 16, 2016 5:58:34 GMT -5
eternaloptimism I am also worried about the pills. If you are scoring high on an anxiety or depression scale it is because your mind is in overdrive and making you feel anxious or depressed. There is a very good reason for that! It is a healthy response to a very unhealthy situation!!!! Don't dull your brain because it is doing what it is supposed to do. I have never taken any personally, but the people I know who have talk about feeling vaguely flatlined all the time. That is so not you!!! You are such a wonderful, vibrant person and chemically castrating your brain would be a crime. Definitely do the therapy, but do you really want to start something that could have a long term effect on your psyche and might be very difficult to stop, based on a 15 minute chat with a locum GP? I am pretty sure growing your testicles, and getting back into your yoga, and growing yourself, and finally dumping your dipshit loser boyfriend is going to have a much bigger impact on your mental health than the pills are anyway. Thanks for caring unmatched I do understand what you mean and did consider not taking them. But I decided it was better to give them a try. I dont want the kids to see me getting into a state of anxiety, and with xmas approaching its extra stressful anyway. 'Im keeping an eye on myself, I know there will be downs as well as ups so I'm gonna ride it for a couple weeks and then review how I'm feeling. Ill see the doc again in 4 weeks so I can discuss again with him then. x
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Post by eternaloptimism on Dec 16, 2016 6:01:21 GMT -5
eternaloptimism , as someone who has taken such meds and lived with someone who takes the strong stuff, I can give you my two cents. Yes, there will be some side effects, particularly in the libido department. It will either dim your desire or retard your ability to orgasm. But it will not totally block it. The only anti-depressant that doesn't is Welbutrin, which I doubt you have been prescribed. Welbutrin is not good for anxiety. Also, the drugs take 45 days to work properly, so give them at least six weeks. If after that time you notice strange side effects or no improvement, talk to your doctor. Pills work differently on people with the same symptons. Be careful if you stop taking them, as withdrawal can give you a headache. However, if you do have sexual side effects, you can skip a day and see if the situation improves. There is a chance that you may not need the drugs, but that is between you and your doctor. The medical system on your side of the pond is very different than ours in the States. I'm not sure if you have all the choices we have here, but then again your medicine is probably much cheaper. Sometimes diet and exercise do the trick. Animals help me. But the best thing for me when I am depressed are the endorphins I get from a good lay! I swear if they retard my orgasm ability the shit is gonna hit the fuckin fan big styleeeeeee! He he Thanks Obob I'll be alright. Ive got you guys on my side x
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Post by JMX on Dec 16, 2016 7:37:28 GMT -5
With the others on the pills - I feel like the anxiety - if not debilitating, helps you move towards a solution - but who am I to talk? I am not a doctor, pill free and still here... Super impressed by your ability to get them on the spot before seeing the head doctor. Your country handles that differently! Anywho - individual therapy has been helpful for me in that I am trying really hard to remove my self-deprecating language. She points out instances I didn't even know I was being unkind to myself. I am coming up with a mantra now - one that I have to keep telling myself to put me back in the right frame of mind. Think Stuart Smalley ... "I am good enough, smart enough and gosh darn-it, people like me." Truly, I thought I had a pretty healthy ego, but it turns out - nope. We are also in couple's counseling which I am not sure is working, but it is at least aggressive. The journaling would have come in handy - I am pouring through my old stories to work on my "resentment" list for next week's homework. I have found that I have forgiven and forgotten a lot of stuff. My list is very, very long. Good luck to you EO! This is excellent and I cannot wait to hear more about it Hugs!
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Post by GeekGoddess on Dec 16, 2016 8:42:40 GMT -5
EO - I suggest bringing a few printed pages from stories you've posted here, or journal now on background that you can take with you, including the concerns just posted about making yourself small & downplaying b/c that's the usual tactic for the outside world. When I did this, brought printed pieces, the therapist didn't often take them to read, but they helped prompt me to stay focused on what was listed there - I couldn't lie to myself that these pages are what I wanted, hoped, needed to discuss in the limited one hour I get. Good luck showing your true self. I know it feels scary or funny but, for me, it really HAS been worth it. The world is filled with some very understanding & helpful people.
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Post by greatcoastal on Dec 16, 2016 9:01:17 GMT -5
EO - I suggest bringing a few printed pages from stories you've posted here, or journal now on background that you can take with you, including the concerns just posted about making yourself small & downplaying b/c that's the usual tactic for the outside world. When I did this, brought printed pieces, the therapist didn't often take them to read, but they helped prompt me to stay focused on what was listed there - I couldn't lie to myself that these pages are what I wanted, hoped, needed to discuss in the limited one hour I get. Good luck showing your true self. I know it feels scary or funny but, for me, it really HAS been worth it. The world is filled with some very understanding & helpful people. Just want to back this. Even if your pages are a lot of ,"he said, she said", it is a helpful tool in explaining your reactions, and logic .It helps you show the situations, as well. My therapists will start with useful logic , questions, or examples for me. That's great, but, I'm looking at my notes and there sits part two, which needs to be heard , it changes ,or backs what we are discussing. It's all in the past, and hard to re tell when the clock is ticking, good to have it in writing.
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Post by eternaloptimism on Dec 16, 2016 12:21:21 GMT -5
With the others on the pills - I feel like the anxiety - if not debilitating, helps you move towards a solution - but who am I to talk? I am not a doctor, pill free and still here... Super impressed by your ability to get them on the spot before seeing the head doctor. Your country handles that differently! Anywho - individual therapy has been helpful for me in that I am trying really hard to remove my self-deprecating language. She points out instances I didn't even know I was being unkind to myself. I am coming up with a mantra now - one that I have to keep telling myself to put me back in the right frame of mind. Think Stuart Smalley ... "I am good enough, smart enough and gosh darn-it, people like me." Truly, I thought I had a pretty healthy ego, but it turns out - nope. We are also in couple's counseling which I am not sure is working, but it is at least aggressive. The journaling would have come in handy - I am pouring through my old stories to work on my "resentment" list for next week's homework. I have found that I have forgiven and forgotten a lot of stuff. My list is very, very long. Good luck to you EO! This is excellent and I cannot wait to hear more about it Hugs! I think my list might be similar to yours JMX! I'm not sure I could even be arsed with couples counselling now even if he were up for it. I simply don't want him any more. It would be a waste of everybody's time. Wrt doctors here... most of them essentially want you out of their surgery as quickly as possible.... and waving a prescription for medication usually works for them. Our system is pretty fucked! I even stated I didn't need them. But he gently persuaded me after seeing my score :/ One day at a time. I'm willing to try anything to help me be stronger. X
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Post by eternaloptimism on Dec 16, 2016 12:23:14 GMT -5
EO - I suggest bringing a few printed pages from stories you've posted here, or journal now on background that you can take with you, including the concerns just posted about making yourself small & downplaying b/c that's the usual tactic for the outside world. When I did this, brought printed pieces, the therapist didn't often take them to read, but they helped prompt me to stay focused on what was listed there - I couldn't lie to myself that these pages are what I wanted, hoped, needed to discuss in the limited one hour I get. Good luck showing your true self. I know it feels scary or funny but, for me, it really HAS been worth it. The world is filled with some very understanding & helpful people. Thanks GG. I think that will be useful once I'm in the swing of it. There's a 45minute screening phone call to get through before I see anyone. That's the week between xmas and new year. I'm so excited and so scared at the same time! X
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Post by cagedtiger on Dec 16, 2016 14:37:43 GMT -5
Great news! I'd also recommend you start keeping a journal, writing down what you're thinking and feeling as it comes to you. It'll be interesting to look back on and see how your thoughts and emotions are evolving over time. Pulling for you! Thanks CT I really really think I should do that. There is an issue with finding the time for me. To do list never gets completed as it is...there's a whole forgotten about section that keeps getting pushed to the bottom already. Maybe I should re-prioritise and delegate some stuff now the kids are older. Ten minutes, every night before bed. Or first thing in the morning with your first cup of coffee. That's what i do.
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