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Post by greatcoastal on Dec 2, 2017 10:29:20 GMT -5
They took your offer for the house!!! That's great!!
Goodbye mother!!
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Post by tamara68 on Dec 2, 2017 10:37:41 GMT -5
eternaloptimism, I am sorry about the challenge of living with your mother, I hope you and your kids survive it well. Best wishes for moving into your own house. It will be marvelous!
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Post by petrushka on Dec 2, 2017 11:43:29 GMT -5
eternaloptimism I feel for you. I know *exactly* what it's like to have a mother like that. Next thing you know, they lose the plot, and you have to take care of them on top of everything. And then they become an even more ornery dementia patient than they were a ornery pain in the arse while still *kind of* compos mentis (I used to call my mother's state of mind 'compost mental'). I hope on your behalf that you get into the new place sooner rather than later and for gods' sakes, don't make the mistake that I made and let mother move in at any time hence forth. At least I didn't take my 'rents into the house, I built their own place over the back. Even so, it was a trial. {eye roll} Some mothers are every bit as evil as the worst abuser. Some of them ARE the worst abuser. Le sigh.
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Post by M2G on Dec 2, 2017 11:50:17 GMT -5
My wife and I both have THAT mother: Her's deceased, mine no-contact.
Gratz! - you are stepping into happiness!!
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Post by eternaloptimism on Dec 2, 2017 13:02:02 GMT -5
Just breathing through it guys. It’s tough but I see that light at the end of the tunnel thank goodness!! Thanks for your support as ever glad to know it’s not just me with a parent who is on the nuttier side of sane lol. Serves as a reminder every day of how NOT to parent xx
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Post by DryCreek on Dec 2, 2017 14:38:57 GMT -5
eternaloptimism, congrats on the house!! For your mother's miserliness, tell her the extra 50% you pay is for the heating bill, so turn it up. And unplugging chargers... I read an article recently that an unused USB charger typically draws USD $0.07 a month in power - she can afford to leave it plugged in. And funny how your ex can suddenly find employment once he's been cutoff.
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Post by northstarmom on Dec 2, 2017 14:59:43 GMT -5
Or stop paying the extra money to your mom and instead buy warmer clothes or pay the heating bill and turn the heat up.
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Post by northstarmom on Dec 2, 2017 15:04:41 GMT -5
“My youngest has had a breakdown this week when he heard his cousin was coming to stay. She has been inappropriately touching him for years it transpires. Mother and my sister always made them have a bath together and this has been going on every time they leave them alone. The kid suffers severe anxiety anyway and we have now been moved up the list to see a counsellor. He had to take time off school and was given a sedative by the pharmacist. Mother refuses to move pictures of the cousin from every fricking room of the house. My child is severely traumatized.”
Both kids need professional help. Please get your child into counseling whether or not the cousin goes. Keep the cousin away from your children. Take down and hide the cousin’s pictures. If your mom complains, too bad for her. You can give her the pictures back when you move. Do not ever again let that cousin or those pictures be around your child . How old is the cousin and how old is your son? Wondering how reasonable it was for your mom and sister to have them bathe together.
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Post by M2G on Dec 3, 2017 7:08:46 GMT -5
“My youngest has had a breakdown this week when he heard his cousin was coming to stay. She has been inappropriately touching him for years it transpires. Mother and my sister always made them have a bath together and this has been going on every time they leave them alone. The kid suffers severe anxiety anyway and we have now been moved up the list to see a counsellor. He had to take time off school and was given a sedative by the pharmacist. Mother refuses to move pictures of the cousin from every fricking room of the house. My child is severely traumatized.” Bathing? Hell - I would not let that cousin come within 1000 miles of any child. Sexual trauma is something that NEVER goes away and can have huge detrimental effects that last a lifetime. Please take this very seriously. What's the age difference between the two?
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Post by M2G on Dec 3, 2017 11:50:50 GMT -5
So - it's a nice sunny day here in Western NY (but cold) so I took the opportunity to read your entire backstory.
You, EO, are a tough and resilient person, and I am very happy for you. I very much admire you as well. I'm sure things will continue to get better and better for you as time moves on.
Regarding the metal backlash you describe as a result of working on yourself - I think that's somewhat normal: you get happy in the AM, and by noon the mind goes to dark places of doubt, tears and powerlessness - then later in the evening something good happens and POW - positive again.
That's what happened to me anyway - so if this is the case you are not alone. It WILL pass, the more you continue the work.
Thanks also for the recommendations: Paul Colaianni, Eckhart Tolle, Teal Swan - much appreciated & I will check them out.
Happy day to you, and many more!!
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Post by northstarmom on Dec 3, 2017 13:01:39 GMT -5
Please recognize that your mother’s behavior toward you and your children is cruel, passive aggressive and lacks empathy toward your pain. I have a friend with a similar mom and the friend reacted similarly to what you did, spent extra money in hopes of mollifyng her mom, but her mom continued to be indifferent and unkind.
Giving your mom the extra $50 a month isn’t resulting in appreciation or kindness. She is being cruel and uncaring about the heat. Stop giving her the extra $50. Pay instead the increased cost of heat. You can get copies of last winter’s bills. I wouldn’t be surprised if she heated the house more warmly last winter when you and the kids weren’t there.
Do talk in therapy about your mom. She may have more in common with your ex than you realize.
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Post by hopingforachange on Dec 3, 2017 13:21:02 GMT -5
It sounds like your relationship with your mom set you up for the lovely relationship with Mr EO
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Post by eternaloptimism on Dec 7, 2017 12:37:25 GMT -5
“My youngest has had a breakdown this week when he heard his cousin was coming to stay. She has been inappropriately touching him for years it transpires. Mother and my sister always made them have a bath together and this has been going on every time they leave them alone. The kid suffers severe anxiety anyway and we have now been moved up the list to see a counsellor. He had to take time off school and was given a sedative by the pharmacist. Mother refuses to move pictures of the cousin from every fricking room of the house. My child is severely traumatized.” Both kids need professional help. Please get your child into counseling whether or not the cousin goes. Keep the cousin away from your children. Take down and hide the cousin’s pictures. If your mom complains, too bad for her. You can give her the pictures back when you move. Do not ever again let that cousin or those pictures be around your child . How old is the cousin and how old is your son? Wondering how reasonable it was for your mom and sister to have them bathe together. They are both 9. But this has been happening for a few years. I absolutely agree re counselling. My son has been bumped up the list... but still waiting 🙄 we have talked a lot this last week and he knows he has my full backing in never having to see her again if that’s what he wants. Mother and sister seem pretty keen to get it brushed under the carpet. Sorry... not happening. Thank god I found my voice ... pre finding this place I was scared of ever upsetting the apple cart. Hence why I stayed in my ridiculous SM! im helping my son find his voice too and we are progressing together x
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Post by eternaloptimism on Dec 7, 2017 12:41:42 GMT -5
It sounds like your relationship with your mom set you up for the lovely relationship with Mr EO Yup. She’s crackers! My Dad suffered terribly with depression. I’m thinking now that she probably didn’t help much!
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Post by eternaloptimism on Dec 7, 2017 12:44:58 GMT -5
So - it's a nice sunny day here in Western NY (but cold) so I took the opportunity to read your entire backstory. You, EO, are a tough and resilient person, and I am very happy for you. I very much admire you as well. I'm sure things will continue to get better and better for you as time moves on. Regarding the metal backlash you describe as a result of working on yourself - I think that's somewhat normal: you get happy in the AM, and by noon the mind goes to dark places of doubt, tears and powerlessness - then later in the evening something good happens and POW - positive again. That's what happened to me anyway - so if this is the case you are not alone. It WILL pass, the more you continue the work. Thanks also for the recommendations: Paul Colaianni, Eckhart Tolle, Teal Swan - much appreciated & I will check them out. Happy day to you, and many more!! Thanks lovely Paul C is my absolute fave. So down to earth and relatable. Ive been corresponding a bit with him by email. Last week he sent my son such a wonderful personal audio message to help him remember he is a worthy person. I welled up my son listens to it when he feels a bit rubbish and it really helps him. We are both so grateful to Paul. x
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