JonDoe , Although the sadness isn't fun, it's real and understandable why you feel the way you do. Embrace it for what it is but just don't let it drag you down into the murky depths of despair. I went through a similar time when I "took off the mask" and allowed myself to feel again. There were times I wanted to go back to the numbness just so I could shake the sadness. If you are thinking it is the end of your marriage, well, that is sad and deserves a little mourning time. Just allow yourself that. You have the right idea. Don't try to bury it or suppress it but instead feel it and move through it. Thinking about you.
I summarize it this way: the best thing to do with your feelings is... allow yourself to feel them. Even deep sadness.
If this is something that gets you to a decision point (as to "what's next" in your life), great.
Now, if your deep sadness is so intense/long lasting that it interferes with daily life (like work), then it is time to see a therapist if you are not already. If it continues, consider seeing a psychiatrist to consider if meds are needed. If it comes to that point, so be it. (It is not a failure of any sort!)
It's so easy to get entrenched in living in this kind of marriage. We can make excuses and just hope it gets better but those feelings of sadness keep coming back. Somehow we have to allow ourselves the energy and focus to take small steps towards a better life for ourselves. Resist blaming yourself that it's taken years. You were trying to make it work. And then it's so easy to get stuck. Now is the time for putting yourself first. I'm glad you're not ignoring your feelings.
This is exactly what happened to me. But after 20 years with no changes, hope left. I now am working on myself and my exit plan. And I have hope for brighter days ahead. It certaintly won't get any worse. I've done that.
It’s hard to continue to love someone romantically who doesn’t love you back in the way you need to feel like a whole person.
This the "Shoutbox" -- basically a site-wide, group chat. (It's only visible to members.)
solodriver: Thanks warmways
Oct 30, 2019 23:36:15 GMT -5
RealMustangGuy: When using a member's username in a post, how does one get it to be in different color and work as a link? I can type in the name but after posting it doesn't look the same as when others use member's usernames in their posts.
Nov 2, 2019 11:37:25 GMT -5
bfar: Just stumbled on this article:https://masculinebydesign.com/sexless-marriage-is-symptomatic-of-emasculated-husbands/ was more than a little disconcerting. Are we digging ourselves further in the hole by trying to be all enlightened and sensitive?
Nov 3, 2019 13:46:42 GMT -5
petrushka: Mate, what's the alternative to all enlightened and sensitive here? Rape? Coercion? Sexual assault? Thanks, but I can do better than being a complete arsehole (or psychopath for that matter).
Nov 3, 2019 21:11:53 GMT -5
bfar: Petrushka... I'm just wondering if we shot ourselves in the foot, as it were, by giving giving up on our strength, and giving in to the feminist agenda of making men irrelevant.
Nov 5, 2019 11:30:21 GMT -5
petrushka: Sorry, I don't buy into that at all. I'm not giving up anything. I've been into the "feminist agenda" for nearly 60 years. Having an empowered partner empowers me. I want strong women around me who take responsibility for themselves and who can face me
Nov 5, 2019 17:20:16 GMT -5
petrushka: I see 'strong men', and controlling bullies, as basically weak, lacking confidence and self esteem -- hence they think they need to assert themselves that way. I loathe patriarchy as much as matriarchy. Partners should be equals.
Nov 5, 2019 17:24:43 GMT -5
petrushka: In my world view, you are buying into some really shitty memes there.
Nov 5, 2019 17:25:20 GMT -5
apocrypha: The "feminist agenda" has changed across the past 60 years. Some feminists of the 60's call the current iteration "fainting couch feminism", thinking it a subversion and betrayal of women's lib. Hard to get a bead on what folks think, using a broad label.
Nov 8, 2019 9:37:14 GMT -5
apocrypha: No aspect of that article (which I amount to a magazine offering bad diet advice) promotes rape, coercion (beyond seduction), sexual assault, and I don't understand your public performance suggesting that they would be and thus implicating bfar.
Nov 8, 2019 9:41:51 GMT -5
mirrororchid: pfar, being sensitive means understanding how others think and feel. It doesn't mean you are compelled to adopt their thoughts and feelings. This is a matter of understanding people including loved ones. If you aren't sensitive, you lack tools to
Nov 11, 2019 8:09:49 GMT -5
mirrororchid: live well. You need not soften, but you should be able to understand vulnerability. Recognizing others' distress provides me with cues when I need to use self-control or extend help. If you're strong, you should be helping others. Use what works.
Nov 11, 2019 8:14:06 GMT -5
worksforme2: You know who I miss ...I miss smartkat and andie..and snowman 12345
Nov 14, 2019 9:16:44 GMT -5