Maybe it seems obvious that a person willing to hurt their partner by withholding sex has control issues, but I always thought it was an intimacy issue, not a control one. I thought the sexlessness was about him not wanting to be touched (by me anyway) and not wanting to let me in emotionally. It’s taken years and putting a little distance between us for me to see that in my case at least, he has a huge issue with control. No wonder he’s freaking out now that I’m stepping out from under it.
I suspect that most of the time the intimacy issue is a control issue. It is an unwillingness to feel vulnerable or exposed, or to allow things to get 'messy' or 'out of hand' in a way which is felt as potentially dangerous. Keeping sex functional and unemotional is the first step towards doing that, and refusing sex altogether is even more effective. Especially when you have a partner who will let it go on for years and still try to be nice about it. Control freaks are basically all about managing their environment as tightly as they possibly can because they are shit scared of what might happen if they don't.
The same things are occurring with my divorce. my W's 4th attorney is immediately labeling me as uncooperative, without a single fact to back it. You can see the fear in my W.of loosing power and control over her tightly managed environment. This revolves very much around money. She wants to get divorced and expects to not pay one penny in alimony.
solodriver: Happy Birthday shamwow!!
Oct 11, 2018 20:35:02 GMT -5
shynjdude: Andie seems to have deleted her account here. Hope she's OK.
Oct 12, 2018 9:41:52 GMT -5
misssunnybunny: Oh, no! I hope she is okay...
Oct 12, 2018 15:31:30 GMT -5
solodriver: Maybe over what happened last weekend with the discussion board men vs. women
Oct 12, 2018 20:42:13 GMT -5
jetcity: Had to have my cat put down today. He was very old and he let us know it was time this morning. My wife went to visit her mother today So now It’s just me, the cats and dog and a couple cold beers. Now that’s a party right?
Oct 12, 2018 21:57:32 GMT -5
solodriver: So sorry jetcity, I've done that many times over the years, never gets any easier.
Oct 12, 2018 22:45:20 GMT -5
jetcity: I managed to create an avatar! The beard and mustache are kind of funky though.
Oct 12, 2018 23:30:07 GMT -5
misssunnybunny: Welcome, dontstart! Feel free to post in the introduction thread; not many people see/use the shout box. Read and explore here, and hope you find us a helpful community.
Oct 14, 2018 10:41:21 GMT -5
caballotierra: Hey all, I setup a new account since my W figured out my login and was using my posts against me. Since we're going through divorce, I thought it would be safer to remove my old name. Although I feel attached to it.
Oct 15, 2018 16:12:30 GMT -5
misssunnybunny: Oh, wow. Sorry that happened to you!
Oct 15, 2018 16:36:32 GMT -5
caballotierra: Does anyone know how to delete my old account? Right now, it's still searchable, which is a problem.
Oct 16, 2018 12:12:19 GMT -5